# Death of Sibling, legal advice needed **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 17, 2024, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388 "2024-07-17T16:45:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/21 "2024-07-18T03:36:29Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > You should get to the apartment as soon as possible and remove anything that of high value, like his computer, those coins, etc I can only afford to go there once, if I need to be there in person to be appointed the administrator I can’t go there now to deal with the apartment stuff. > [@LSLGuy](#): > > If the apartment is some form of subsidized low-income housing it is not, it is just a regular apartment in a large building. He had been there 30 years. > [@filmore](#): > > Check to find out how rent is paid. If he has autopay set up he does not have autopay > [@BippityBoppityBoo](#): > > If your brother was living in housing for low income or seniors or the disabled he was not > [@BippityBoppityBoo](#): > > The housing organization _might_be able to leave the car in the garage (with some rent paid of course) if there isn’t a waiting list for parking space, my understanding is the parking space goes with the apartment > [@BippityBoppityBoo](#): > > They should be able to provide a list of downsizing or senior relocation service providers who can pack up and move your brother’s belongings to a climate controlled storage unit I really don’t want this: the car is the main thing, aside from the silver coins and the bonds, the “stuff” (furniture/clothes) can all be donated to charity if we can get them to haul it away. the furniture is minimal and not worth much if anything. > [@BippityBoppityBoo](#): > > Here’s the Minneapolis Area Agencies On Aging, thank you, I will call them to see if they can help > [@Dr.Drake](#): > > DO NOT under any circumstances take on the role of the executor. I don’t want the remaining sibling to do it, however. not at all. I will look into hiring someone. > [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > How big do you think the estate is? It may be worth it to have an attorney act as executor and get paid out of the estate. it’s hard to say - at least $200,00 but not sure how likely it is to be much more. this is really a guess, however. > [@jnglmassiv](#): > > I’d use some language like about how the Medical Examiner hasn’t authorized property removal or something like she has already been calling them - she told them she had his military discharge papers when if fact she had our father’s military d/c. so she is currently thinking fingerprints will ID him. > [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > **don’t be executor**. my remaining brother being executor would be worse, but I appreciate the advice. the cousin (retired lawyer) might be willing to do it but he and his wife leave to spend the winter in AZ on October 1st. He hasn’t said he would do it but he might. > [@Dinsdale](#): > > where did the OP mention a subsidized ap it is not, it is just a regular apartment. but I would guess the next tenant will be paying maybe twice as much for rent and that’s why they are eager to have it empty. > [@doreen](#): > > one thing that is important to know is what sort of estate you expect him to have I can only guess at this point > [@ASL\_v2.0](#): > > If your cousin is (or at least was) licensed to practice in Minnesota he is retired and no longer licensed. He is willing to help but not sure if he is willing to the the adminstrator. He might be, if it can all happen soon enough. thanks to all for your replies! ---
**Author:** ![ASL\_v2.0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asl_v2.0/32/3525_2.png) [@ASL\_v2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASL_v2.0)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/22 "2024-07-18T03:47:13Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > he is retired and no longer licensed. He is willing to help but not sure if he is willing to the the adminstrator. He might be, if it can all happen soon enough. To be clear, just getting his opinion on questions of state law would be most helpful, I think, if he is willing to offer them. Because, I mean, none of us are going to be the administrator either. The difference is, your cousin at least might be familiar with relevant law and/or know people who can give you actual legal advice (quickly) that you can rely on. Depending on the state bar’s rules, it’s even possible he could offer legal assistance to family members irrespective of his retired status. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/23 "2024-07-18T05:51:42Z")
Your cousin might know someone, and more importantly might be a better person to make that suggestion to your sibling. I don’t know if your relatives are as toxic as mine, though! ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/24 "2024-07-18T06:25:42Z")
If the landlord is really eager to get the apartment cleared (very likely, given the housing shortage/high rents here in Minneapolis), ask if they would be willing to store his belongings (clothing, furniture) elsewhere at minimal cost (or none) – many apartments have storage space in the basement. That would end your rent payments, and let them get started on getting the apartment rented to someone else quicker. And that would make it easier for a charity to eventually pick up donated items. First remove any valuable items, and put them somewhere safe (in your keeping, or placed in a banks safety deposit box, etc.). ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/25 "2024-07-18T10:50:20Z")
My gf’s aunt died over a year ago, leaving a substantial estate. My gf was named executrix (they discussed this ahead of time). The first thing she did was hire a local attorney. She still gets mail (checking account statements) from him. Initially she was meeting with him weekly to sign things. Notify your other brother and ask if he’d like to be executor (assuming the deceased didn’t name one). Along with her portion of the estate, my gf got a set percentage as “payment” for being executrix, with the lawyer receiving the same percentage. It was a tidy sum, but my gf put in many hours of work. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/26 "2024-07-18T11:14:00Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > it’s hard to say - at least $200,00 but not sure how likely it is to be much more. this is really a guess, however. Did you intend to wrote $20,000 or $200,000. Did someone tell you you would have to appear in person to be named executor? I’ve neer heard of such a thing, but I don’t know Minn law. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/27 "2024-07-18T11:19:28Z")
The usual way executors find themselves in messy situations such as @Hari_Seldon described upthread is because they try to mediate the family dispute to a harmonious conclusion. There is no legal requirement to do any such thing. An executor has a responsibility to the court, not to the heirs and certainly not to the extended family who are not heirs. Dispose of the stuff, promptly disburse the funds in the manner prescribed in the will or by law if there is no will, and leave it at that. One and done. Family members unhappy with your decisions are free to hire a lawyer at their expense to fight you about it. Hint: they won’t. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/28 "2024-07-18T12:19:03Z")
> [@ASL\_v2.0](#): > > The difference is, your cousin at least might be familiar with relevant law and/or know people who can give you actual legal advice (quickly) that you can rely on. he has been retired for many years, and so far his advice is very general. I’m not sure how old he is (70s at least) but he doesn’t text if that tells you anything. he is kind and trustworthy, however. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/29 "2024-07-18T12:20:54Z")
> [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](#): > > ask if they would be willing to store his belongings (clothing, furniture) it’s the small valuables and the car to worry about; no reason to store the clothing/furniture. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/30 "2024-07-18T12:29:13Z")
Once you get any valuables, you might want to use someone who does apartment clean outs. I know a guy who does that for a living. The owner of several apartment complexes pays him minimum wage. He loads everything in his truck, taking as many loads as needed. He sells any nice furniture, electronics, dishes, etc to supplement his income. Some stuff goes to the dump or scrapyard. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/31 "2024-07-18T12:30:26Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Did someone tell you you would have to appear in person to be named executor? no, it was just my idea that is was possible. $200,000 was a very rough guess my cousin made looking at the photos from his apartment including his tax forms from last year. I realize that makes it look like I should be willing to spend $3000 for the rent without worrying but apparently I’m still worried. > [@LSLGuy](#): > > Dispose of the stuff, promptly disburse the funds in the manner prescribed in the will or by law if there is no will, and leave it at that. yes, this is what matters. there is no relationship with my other brother to save and he will not be happy no matter what happens. based on his behavior when our Mom died, I do not see any advantage in notifying him until there is a plan in place. again, thank you to all for the advice. I’m operating on a small amount of sleep here and have to get back to work but my current plan is, when I get home, review all the emails my cousin sent me and then just flat out ask him if he’d be willing to go to Minneapolis, take the valuables and the car and keep them at his place…I think he is about 2 hours away. Or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/32 "2024-07-18T12:32:30Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Once you get any valuables, you might want to use someone who does apartment clean outs. yes, if my cousin is willing to go get the valuables and the car (I wonder if his wife drives?) I would hire someone to empty the apartment or ask the management if they would do it for a fee. or something like that. really, just typing stuff out (and emailing with my cousin) has been helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/33 "2024-07-18T12:35:33Z")
So - 20 or 200 $k? In either event, I’d make a mad dash in, try to locate any valuables/paperwork, and then sit back and do everything else from a distance. And prepare for the sib to accuse you of stealing/hiding valuables that never existed… If you are only looking at 1/2 of $20k, I hate to say this, but time/effort/expenses will likely eat up a good chunk of that. Unfortunate that your brother died under these circumstances. That alone is stressful enough. Don’t feel you need to increase the stress by taking on obligations with little payoff. Unless you derive some satisfaction from handling his estate. Given the low $ value involved, I don’t understand your resistance to sib handling things. Sure, they’ll be a PITA - and possibly rip you off. _(We had a recent situation where my FIL died, and one of my wife’s 2 sisters handled things - and cheated the other 2 out of (IIRC) ~$30k. We decided it was not worth any effort on our part to try to wrest $15k from her.)_ But they are going to be a PITA in ANY event, and the potential payoff is relatively small. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/34 "2024-07-18T12:36:18Z")
One of the first things my gf and the attorney did was to open a checking account for “The Estate of First name Last name”. That was used to pay bills like newspaper notices, final phone bill, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/35 "2024-07-18T12:58:10Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > The usual way executors find themselves in messy situations such as @Hari_Seldon described upthread is because they try to mediate the family dispute to a harmonious conclusion. You are right, of course, but he would not do that. From what he has said, the dispute is because of two of his wife’s sibs. One lived in the parent’s house for years rent-free and expected to live out her days there. The other wants to sell the house and split the proceeds with her. I gather she is handicapped in some way and cannot face the world alone. To complicate the matter, he and his wife are second cousins so they are his relatives too. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/36 "2024-07-18T13:45:24Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > but my current plan is, when I get home, review all the emails my cousin sent me and then just flat out ask him if he’d be willing to go to Minneapolis, take the valuables and the car and keep them at his place…I think he is about 2 hours away. Or something like that. I think you need to get yourself to Mn. Then perhaps you and your uncle can start to get the deceased’s affairs in order. I think it’s a huge ask to impose on your kind uncle this messy business. Two hours away is still a long drive they might not want to drive there and back in one day after running around town meeting with ME and landlords and storage lockers. It’s one trip probably for your part. ---
**Author:** ![FinsToTheLeft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finstotheleft/32/2930_2.png) [@FinsToTheLeft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinsToTheLeft)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/37 "2024-07-18T13:52:49Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > An executor has a responsibility to the court, not to the heirs An executor absolutely has a fiduciary duty to the heirs. Their entire purpose is to responsibly manage the estate to the benefit of the heirs while dealing with the courts and creditors. For example if the will instructs the executor to sell fixed property and distribute the proceeds, they have to make their best effort to get the most money. They can’t just sell it to the first bidder and be rid of it if there is a reasonable opportunity to make more. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/38 "2024-07-18T14:03:42Z")
> [@chela](#): > > I think you need to get yourself to Mn. Other than taking physical possession of the car, why? My gf has spent a year working on her aunt’s estate and never had to go to aunt’s address. Everything can be handled by telephone by the OP or her lawyer. As my mom was dying she told us some specific bequests; she wanted my daughter to get some jewelry (I think my daughter had admired certain items), my sister to get a box of “memories”, etc. My mom’s car was paid off. My sister’s daughter-in-law had been using it to run errands for my mom, so we gave it to her. Changing over the title was a pia. There was $10,000 in cash that my brother suggested we put into an investment fund for my sister’s two grandchildren’s college expenses. It has grown nicely. If they choose to not go to college then we get the money!! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/39 "2024-07-18T14:21:31Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Family members unhappy with your decisions are free to hire a lawyer at their expense to fight you about it. Hint: they won’t. Don’t be so sure—we did, in exactly this situation (one sibling appointed themselves executor (not in the will) and began making decisions; other siblings unhappy). The executor-sibling was tremendously bad at the job: a poor record-keeper and communicator, disposing of estate property and accessing bank accounts before being appointed executor by the courts, etc. Ultimately, we lost, for reasons I can see but don’t agree with, but it was a very bad situation made worse by the executor and her personal / the estate’s lawyer (which apparently isn’t a conflict of interest in Alberta). ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/40 "2024-07-18T14:35:34Z")
> [@chela](#): > > I think it’s a huge ask to impose on your kind uncle this messy business. Possibly. Or maybe the uncle will find it an interesting diversion/excuse for a day trip, and/or a welcome opportunity to help out extended family. (Some retired lawyers welcome opportunities to apply their skills/experience.) Maybe propose that you get together for a nice meal when you do get to the area. I agree w/ **Dr. Drake** , that this is likely a situation where his intended good deeds will be punished by the vexatious sibling. Only the OP can tell whether that stress is worth it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388.md?page=3)