# Death of Sibling, legal advice needed **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 17, 2024, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388 "2024-07-17T16:45:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/41 "2024-07-18T14:55:09Z")
But GF was named executor in aunts will? That makes it so much easier imo. There are a lot of moving parts for a relative who died without a will in a different state. in order for a next of kin to assume administration of the estate they may need a notary in that state. Doing it all by phone getting the runaround or misinformation or having extra hoops to hurdle through is frustrating. And depending on the good will of an elderly relative to shoulder it all is asking a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/42 "2024-07-18T17:12:43Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > (that X stole Y, when in fact there was no Y). There was some of this when my mother died. 3 older brothers. B1 and B3 were executors and had medical POA. B2 was neither (though, if I had died before Mom did, B2 would have been the administrator on the part of the estate that would be held for my surviving children). B3 was local to Mom; the rest of us had moved varying distances away. Either B2 or B3 looked around, just after the funeral, and sent a miffed-sounding email saying he’d seen a bunch of empty jewelry boxes. Not accusing us of anything, necessarily, but clearly putting that out as an option. B1 and I did the initial household inventory, a week or two after Mom died. We took photos before touching anything. Her dresser drawer had compartments containing all her jewelry, and a bunch of ordinary coins (quarters, I think). B3 wanted to know where all the gold coins got to, that he could see in the photo. No, no gold coins. that was the quarters, looking goldish because of the flash from the digital camera. And while I could not speak to the contents of most of those empty jewelry boxes, one of them I recognized as having contained earrings I gave Mom - which I found in the jewelry section of the dresser. Which may or may not have convinced B2/B3 that we had not made off with other jewelry (though pieces she was known to have owned were found and documented). Lots more along those lines. I no longer have any contact with B2. Limited with B3. Cordial with B1. Anyway: regarding the OP’s brother: it sounds like his property is unlikely to be worth putting a lot of effort into retaining, though if you can manage, it’d be useful to pay a quick visit and look around. The car, at least, would be worth taking, as long as it’s paid off. If it’s not, let the bank reposses it. I don’t know how the legality of transferring title would work, but it might require going through probate. The landlord can just sell / dump everything else. We were in the position, last year, of needing to dispose of a whole household full of furniture when FIL died and MIL went into assisted living. We tried donating it - and while an agency would have taken much of it, they would not have taken it all - and they were scheduling 3 months out. We wound up including it in the condo sale - problem solved. The relevance to your case was that donating stuff can be a lot more work than you want to put in, especially the big stuff. “We Take Household Junk”-type of places will often haul stuff away for a fee - with, I gather, the understanding that they’ll sell what they can. I don’t know if you get a credit against the fees if they obtain much. But in your specific situation, let the landlord handle that! ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/43 "2024-07-18T18:10:53Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > We took photos before touching anything. Man, it sucks that sibs make such efforts necessary. IF the OP goes to empty the apt, they might do well to do it with vid running on their phone. Of course, nothing is sufficient to convince someone predisposed to suspicion. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/44 "2024-07-18T18:18:01Z")
Hopefully, the siblings (if any; that’s not clear) are on the same page, which I gather is “little to deal with, nothing of value, just get it done”, which removes a lot of that angst. If the OP is worried about sibling bullshit, tell the other sibling(s) to deal with it. In our case, B2 was the one causing the vast majority of problems immediately before, and for months after, Mom died. I personally cut off contact as soon as the estate was settled - 19 years ago. He’d been verbally (and occasionally physically) abusive our entire lives, so life has improved by that lack of contact. The landlord has no legal right to say “get out in 7 days” unless it’s some kind of special accommodation, as others have noted. Likely, if the rent is paid through July, even a special accommodation would need to allow through the end of the month. If there’s any expectation that there are assets beyond the household goods and car (savings, retirement accounts etc.), you’ll need to deal with those too. Retirement accounts may well have beneficiaries, though I would not be surprised if the brother forgot to do that as well. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/45 "2024-07-18T18:21:24Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > If the OP is worried about sibling bullshit, tell the other sibling(s) to deal with it. Right. But, for whatever unexplained reason, the OP does not wish to allot them to deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/46 "2024-07-18T18:28:46Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Right. But, for whatever unexplained reason, the OP does not wish to allot them to deal with it. You’re right - I missed that in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/47 "2024-07-18T18:36:22Z")
At some point prior to executor being appointed, the sibling will need to be notified. If there’s not a will, then the probate court will make the decision as to who will be the executor. Even if the eldest child is the one petitioning to be executor, the court will first require that all children have been notified. Part of the reason is to hear any arguments as to why the eldest child should not be executor. It may be best in the long run to go ahead and notify your brother now. For one thing, it was his father and he would probably want to know. And the longer you wait, the more upset he will be that you waited to tell him. I’m not sure it will be easier to tell him later. I can understand not wanting to deal with a bunch of drama at this time, but there may be worse drama if you push it out. ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/48 "2024-07-18T19:53:38Z")
> [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](#): > > If the landlord is really eager to get the apartment cleared (very likely, given the housing shortage/high rents here in Minneapolis), ask if they would be willing to store his belongings Do not ask property people for any favors whatsoever. Do not give them any idea that they might store or sell or help with belongings. Do not consent for any further access of the apartment, withdraw consent if previously given. Pay August’s rent, yes, it sucks but it gives you the 6 weeks YOU NEED to figure it out. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2024, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/49 "2024-07-18T21:52:30Z")
The lease might have clauses that address death of a tenant, there may be exceptions allowing 30 days to vacate. Prorated. What happens to deposit? Would it be weird to sleep there instead of a hotel. Only if it’s safe ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2024, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/50 "2024-07-19T00:20:18Z")
I would grab the portable valuables asap, because such an apartment is a target for thieves. or unscrupulous landlords. Do that now. I am not a real lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2024, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/51 "2024-07-19T01:09:53Z")
good news, my brother was ID’d by dental records. My two cousins (one the retired lawyer) will go get the valuables, papers and the car since they have family they can store it with for now and when they are done I will arrange to have some service empty the rest of the stuff. anyone in Minneapolis have a recommendation for this? I can’t open a bank account yet because I am not the official administrator, but I will use a credit card to start paying expenses (like the cremation) and then get paid back. > [@filmore](#): > > It may be best in the long run to go ahead and notify your brother now. I sent my other brother an email and left a voicemail at the only number I have for him. If he doesn’t respond, I will send a snail mail. I realized he would have to be told but wanted to have a plan in place first. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2024, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/52 "2024-07-19T01:10:56Z")
> [@jnglmassiv](#): > > Do not ask property people for any favors whatsoever. Do not give them any idea that they might store or sell or help with belongings. the apartment manager actually said they were not willing to do anything with his belongings which is fine. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2024, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/53 "2024-07-19T01:13:05Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > because such an apartment is a target for thieves. or unscrupulous landlords. the building manager is the one who sent me photos of his belongings including valuables so if she was going to steal them she would have done that first. ---
**Author:** ![echoreply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/echoreply/32/3641_2.png) [@echoreply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/echoreply)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2024, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/54 "2024-07-19T01:25:09Z")
I’m dealing with this in Colorado right now, so a few things I’ve learned: - When you contact Social Security (do this!), they will contact his bank, who are likely to freeze his accounts. This means any automatic payments he has setup are likely to be rejected. - (I knew this, but don’t let anyone bully you) His debts are not your debts, but they are the estate’s debts, and will have to be settled before the money is distributed to the heirs. - In Colorado, the executor’s expenses come _before_ the debts when settling the estate, so you can charge travel and other reasonable expenses to the estate. - In Colorado, if the total estate is below $84,000, then it does not need to go through probate. That might be different if there is no will. - Many places, including social security and credit cards were happy to close accounts without a death certificate. The trivial way this could be used to mess with someone is shocking, but it does mean you can start to shut things down now, before getting a death certificate. - Sometimes the doctor doesn’t file a death certificate, because 🤷‍♂️, so you might need to remind them. - If you can access his email and cell phone, then you can probably break into any of his online accounts. Don’t turn off his phone until you have any access your require. - I don’t recommend using this access to move money, do that the official ways, but it is convenient to cancel things like a Netflix account, for example, instead of having to send Netflix a death certificate. - Passwords saved in the browser are a gold mine for just seeing what accounts he has. - If there are significant debts, then they’ll ask about the car. May the ability to do practical things be a balm for your grief. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2024, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/55 "2024-07-19T01:44:48Z")
> [@echoreply](#): > > When you contact Social Security (do this! now? before there is a death certificate? oh, sorry, I just read the rest of your post. maybe this is a dumb question, but what are the advantages to notifying social security and getting his bank accounts frozen? and thank you for your kind words. thanks to everyone posting, I appreciate it! ---
**Author:** ![echoreply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/echoreply/32/3641_2.png) [@echoreply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/echoreply)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2024, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/56 "2024-07-19T01:54:09Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > maybe this is a dumb question, but what are the advantages to notifying social security and getting his bank accounts frozen? The main reason to contact Social Security is they will want back any money they sent after his death. If I understand correctly, that includes the payment for the month in which he died. That’s not too big of a deal if there are adequate assets. The estate I’m dealing with is completely insolvent, and I’m not sure what is going to happen when they ask for the last month back, as there is no money. Closing Social Security required some personal information, some of which you may not have, like a social security number. The easiest thing is to call them, tell them what happened, and let Social Security tell you if you need to do anything else. I’m not sure that freezing the bank account will do anything useful for you. For me, it protected the bit of money in the account from automatic withdrawals to cover debt. There is an order the debt is to be paid, and it isn’t “whose withdrawal came first.” The bank holding the money decided to use the account to pay down debt at that bank. I’m not sure that was correct, or even legal, but it wasn’t my decision, and there is way more debt than assets, so there heirs weren’t getting anything regardless of where the account went. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2024, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/57 "2024-07-19T02:15:34Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > > [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > > > **don’t be executor**. > > my remaining brother being executor would be worse, but I appreciate the advice. the cousin (retired lawyer) might be willing to do it but he and his wife leave to spend the winter in AZ on October 1st. He hasn’t said he would do it but he might. The executor does not have to be a relative or friend. The court will assign someone, who will execute their fiduciary responsibility to act in the best interest of the heirs, under the law. They will charge the estate for their time, but you should be paying a friend or relative anyway for this work. ---
**Author:** ![ASL\_v2.0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asl_v2.0/32/3525_2.png) [@ASL\_v2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASL_v2.0)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2024, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/58 "2024-07-19T03:06:15Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > > [@LSLGuy](#): > > > > Family members unhappy with your decisions are free to hire a lawyer at their expense to fight you about it. Hint: they won’t. > > Don’t be so sure—we did, in exactly this situation (one sibling appointed themselves executor (not in the will) and began making decisions; other siblings unhappy). The executor-sibling was tremendously bad at the job: a poor record-keeper and communicator, disposing of estate property and accessing bank accounts before being appointed executor by the courts, etc. Ultimately, we lost, for reasons I can see but don’t agree with, but it was a very bad situation made worse by the executor and her personal / the estate’s lawyer (which apparently isn’t a conflict of interest in Alberta). One of my cases as a law student working in a legal aid clinic was to (successfully) move to have a sibling removed as the (deceased father’s) estate’s representative and get them replaced by a professional (because our client didn’t want to deal with it either—he just felt, correctly as we showed, the sibling was botching the job, possibly on purpose, and risking the estate’s value). Not in Minnesota, of course. But not only do such things happen: sometimes it even works. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2024, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/59 "2024-07-19T04:21:04Z")
When my father died in 2008 (he was in California), the first place I went was Social Security. They wanted the death certificate. An original. A copy was made for the SS files, and the original was returned to me. Everywhere I went afterwards, his death was already known. All places must be linked to Social Security by computer. Even the military knew. Bank accounts are frozen. All auto-pay is stopped. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2024, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388/60 "2024-07-19T04:58:48Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > anyone in Minneapolis have a recommendation for this? > **[Get Help - Trellis Senior LinkAge Line](https://trellisconnects.org/get-help/)** > > We provide Senior LinkAge Line® services, caregiver services and help with retirement rights. Contact us at 800-333-2433. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-of-sibling-legal-advice-needed/1004388.md?page=4)