# Death to the Bacon Thief. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630 "2011-07-11T15:49:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/1 "2011-07-11T15:49:42Z")
9 year old [bacon](http://blogs.ocweekly.com/stickaforkinit/2011/07/grandmother_assaults_grandson_for_bacon.php) eater gets his grandmother pissed and gets his ass kicked. It’s a damn good thing he didn’t pilfer my bacon. WARNING. link has great picture of bacon sizzling on the grill. Do not click before lunch. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/2 "2011-07-11T15:57:11Z")
Well, he ate more bacon than everyone else, he didn’t _steal_ any. Just imagine granny’s reaction if he had actually stolen it. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/3 "2011-07-11T17:20:04Z")
I’m with granny on this one. Bacon-stealing bastard. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/4 "2011-07-11T17:22:54Z")
He got bacon. Now he’s achin’. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/5 "2011-07-11T17:24:47Z")
More bacon than everyone else \> being sat on by grandma and a water hose to the face. It was worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/6 "2011-07-11T18:31:44Z")
My 12 year-old son gets up in the middle of the night to eat my bacon. :mad: I’m sending him to granny’s house. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/7 "2011-07-11T18:33:44Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > 9 year old [bacon](http://blogs.ocweekly.com/stickaforkinit/2011/07/grandmother_assaults_grandson_for_bacon.php) eater gets his grandmother pissed and gets his ass kicked. It’s a damn good thing he didn’t pilfer my bacon. > > WARNING. link has great picture of bacon sizzling on the grill. Do not click before lunch. Looking at that picture, I’m thinking the kid thought the beating was worth it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/8 "2011-07-12T12:37:25Z")
If he’d stolen SizzleLean, would she have just punched him on the arm? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/9 "2011-07-12T12:50:28Z")
\*For Sale: 1988 Plymouth Fury This car driven by [del]little[/del] great big old lady who only drove it to the butcher every [del]Sunday[/del] fucking day.\* ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/10 "2011-07-12T13:03:56Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > \*For Sale: 1988 Plymouth Fury > > This car driven by [del]little[/del] great big old lady > who only drove it to the butcher > every [del]Sunday[/del] fucking day.\* You missed one: _This car driven by [del]little[/del] great big old lady who only drove it to [del]church[/del] the butcher every [del]Sunday[/del] fucking day._ ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2011, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/11 "2011-07-12T22:37:51Z")
I really don’t fancy bacon, and I don’t understand why it gets people all excited. ☹ I mean, it’s okay as an occasional breakfast thing, but I don’t get the constant oshitgasms over bacon. Do people really like it enough to eat it this much? I feel like there’s a colossal in-joke that I’m missing. ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2011, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/12 "2011-07-13T05:16:13Z")
I don’t know why exactly but I do adore bacon. Smoky, salty, meaty. Bacon and chocolate (of a certain quality mind) are the only two foodstuffs I could eat until I made myself sick. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2011, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/13 "2011-07-13T06:07:39Z")
I blame grandma for not making enough bacon. **rach** - you should see a doctor about this problem. Bacon is the ultimate food. You can eat it by itself, or you can make any food better by adding some bacon. Even bacon is better if you add some more bacon to it. Canadians, you’re probably confused about this. That stuff you eat isn’t really bacon. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2011, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/14 "2011-07-13T12:40:24Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Canadians, you’re probably confused about this. That stuff you eat isn’t really bacon. We eat the same bacon as you. The ham-like stuff you call “Canadian bacon” we call “back bacon” or “peameal bacon.” But _bacon_ bacon is just called “bacon.” If **rachelellogram** does not understand the gloriousness of bacon, it may be a sign of very mild brain injury or possibly a congenital defect that occurred during taste bud development. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2011, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/15 "2011-07-13T13:23:32Z")
It’s not like he stole the bacon and then threw it on the ground and wasted it. How much is too much bacon? How can you waterboard your own grandson over eating food… that _you_ served him? Did everyone else get sufficient bacon? Then why can’t this kid have a little more if he loves bacon so much. Some foods are worth dyin’ for. Bacon is one of them. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2011, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/16 "2011-07-13T13:39:58Z")
It’s as I suspected. I’m missing the necessary bacon gene! Why don’t they get on that stem cell research already? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2011, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/17 "2011-07-13T14:02:57Z")
Whoa…they have the police report available on The Smoking Gun and this lady is way more unstable than I assumed just from reading the article. She was arrested at 8:50 p.m. after torturing her grandson for the entire day with witnesses stating she threw him to the ground, sat on him and beat his legs, pinned him against the wall, etc. From breakfast until 8:50 in the evening she tormented this boy in the front yard of her home while her daughter (the boy’s mother) was hanging out in the basement. Over bacon.:eek: I wonder how she reacts to the person who eats the last slice of cake? ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2011, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/18 "2011-07-13T20:53:41Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > We eat the same bacon as you. The ham-like stuff you call “Canadian bacon” we call “back bacon” or “peameal bacon.” But _bacon_ bacon is just called “bacon.” If **rachelellogram** does not understand the gloriousness of bacon, it may be a sign of very mild brain injury or possibly a congenital defect that occurred during taste bud development. :dubious: So… How’s that whole vegetarian thing working out for you, **EC**? ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2011, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/19 "2011-07-14T00:25:27Z")
> [@pbth](#): > > From breakfast until 8:50 in the evening she tormented this boy in the front yard of her home while her daughter (the boy’s mother) was hanging out in the basement. Over bacon. That is loonie to the point where it sounds like she is suffering from a mental illness of some kind. It is a detail that also saps the fun out of all the potential Dope bacon humour. I will have to pretend I never heard it because it makes me sad. ☹ > [@pbbth](#): > > I wonder how she reacts to the person who eats the last slice of cake? Stabby. Definitely, definitely stabby. > [@Swallowed My Cellphone (aka StinkyFeet)](#): > > So… How’s that whole vegetarian thing working out for you, **EC?** Oh, GAWD, I miss bacon! _sobs_ ---
**Author:** ![Khendrask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@Khendrask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khendrask)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/death-to-the-bacon-thief/588630/20 "2011-07-15T15:28:22Z")
I make my bacon 12 slices at a time for breakfast\*… and I’m NOT sharing with anyone! - - That is all that will fit in the cooker ☹