# Deceptive claims made in dating **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 1, 2015, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723 "2015-01-01T23:18:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tuxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuxie)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2015, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/1 "2015-01-01T23:18:28Z")
People like to put their best foot forward, but sometimes this leads to exaggeration. I’m not talking about lying about age/height/weight, but rather pretending to be into something we consider acceptable in the 21st century. Two examples come to mind with my dating experiences with men: Men that want a woman who is smart- A lot of guys nowadays are taking about how they’d love to have a smart girlfriend. But it turns out they often have a rather weird or ultra specific definition of smart. One guy I dated genuinely believed a truly smart woman would know a lot of Dr. Who trivia. Others thought ‘smart’ meant ‘knows my field/interests, but not quite as well as I do’. The idea of knowing something they didn’t, or knowing something better than them wasn’t valued, sadly. I met a lot of guys who wanted a smart woman they could ‘teach’ things to, but none that were interested or curious to ‘learn’ from a smart woman. It made me feel a little jaded into thinking that some guys will say they want a smart woman in their life because it makes them look good to say so, but deep down their male egos are still sensitive. Some of the smartest guys I dated tended to be the worst with this hangup. Guys that are all about going down on a woman: I found through personal experience the more the guy talked up not just his skill but his enthusiasm both online and in real life, the worse he was at oral. The men that were the best were just ‘naturals’ at it and didn’t need to advertise their skill or willingness. I guess it goes to show be careful what you wish for. If you want to be with someone smart, you may end up with a partner that bores quickly, corrects you frequently and stands up for herself. If you brag about being into a particular sex act, subculture, or lifestyle, you better be open to feedback and understand the recipient knows her body better than the giver. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2015, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/2 "2015-01-01T23:57:57Z")
Tuxie: this is the kind of deception that really bothers you–instead of the guy who talks about how important doing things with you would be in his life–but it turns out that drinking beer while watching football with his male friends is a higher priority? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2015, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/3 "2015-01-02T00:11:31Z")
I’m reminded of a line from an excellent political satire. > [@](#): > > The less you intend to do about something, the more you have to keep talking about it. Perhaps it can be applied to dating as well. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2015, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/4 "2015-01-02T02:30:34Z")
Oh, I dunno. [Maybe he just doesn’t like peaches](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=743191)? Or… well…? …\*You. \* Let it go, move on, and try not to be bitter… ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2015, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/5 "2015-01-02T14:51:21Z")
> [@Tuxie](#): > > Guys that are all about going down on a woman: I found through personal experience the more the guy talked up not just his skill but his enthusiasm both online and in real life, the worse he was at oral. Good lord! Why would this topic come up before you were actually being intimate? Or are these conversations you have with men whose heads are between your legs? Perhaps a better generalization would be: women who insist on discussing cunnilingus with dates end up dating losers. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2015, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/6 "2015-01-02T15:04:28Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > Good lord! Why would this topic come up before you were actually being intimate? Depends on the kind of “dating site” you’re on. Some are realllly open about sex. If on one of those sites, do not assume that an offer to have a “facial” means “let’s go to the aesthetician so our skin looks nice.” ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2015, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/7 "2015-01-02T22:10:18Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > Depends on the kind of “dating site” you’re on. Some are realllly open about sex. If on one of those sites, do not assume that an offer to have a “facial” means “let’s go to the aesthetician so our skin looks nice.” Gotcha. I don’t want to shit on her thread (not a euphemism for something sexual), but it just seems like her complaint is so-o-o-o specific. Moreover, I’ve found when it comes to oral sex, enthusiasm can go a lo-o-o-ong way in compensating for a less than stellar performance. But I dunno, maybe Midwestern Protestants have much lower expectations than some of the more sophisticated regions of the country. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2015, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/8 "2015-01-02T22:33:34Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > \maybe Midwestern Protestants have much lower expectations than some of the more sophisticated regions of the country. Than, maybe, regions down south? (A tongue-sticking-out smiley would be…too appropriate.) ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2015, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/9 "2015-01-03T05:37:43Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2015, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/10 "2015-01-03T11:17:46Z")
> [@Tuxie](#): > > Guys that are all about going down on a woman: I found through personal experience the more the guy talked up not just his skill but his enthusiasm both online and in real life, the worse he was at oral. The men that were the best were just ‘naturals’ at it and didn’t need to advertise their skill or willingness. > > I guess it goes to show be careful what you wish for. If you want to be with someone smart, you may end up with a partner that bores quickly, corrects you frequently and stands up for herself. If you brag about being into a particular sex act, subculture, or lifestyle, you better be open to feedback and understand the recipient knows her body better than the giver. Ok, curious. On this website does it ask if women are into giving blowjobs or not? Is it something the women just flat out say? BTW, not every woman is good at giving those either. BTW, when I first saw the headline what I thought first was bragging about looks or income. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2015, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/11 "2015-01-03T16:37:58Z")
Dunno about the website itself asking, but I can assure you plenty of guys will outright state such claims in their profile and/or message you via the dating website to specifically inform you of their eager enthusiasm and world-changing skillsets. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2015, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/12 "2015-01-03T18:26:23Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Dunno about the website itself asking, but I can assure you plenty of guys will outright state such claims in their profile and/or message you via the dating website to specifically inform you of their eager enthusiasm and world-changing skillsets. The matching questions on OKCupid cover ALOT of ground ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/13 "2015-01-04T00:26:13Z")
Some women make claims about their oral skills, as well. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/14 "2015-01-04T02:36:00Z")
I remember the old days when we found out when we actually got the person into the sack. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/15 "2015-01-04T03:40:44Z")
Talk about first world problems. “All the men I meet on dating sites don’t eat me well enough!” ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/16 "2015-01-04T03:45:29Z")
Maybe it’s time to try one of the many lesbian dating sites. They may still may want someone less smart than themselves but surely they know how to… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/17 "2015-01-04T04:13:25Z")
All I know is before I started online dating, I had _no clue_ just how many girls/women claimed to **love** watching sports! Like, really?! :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Tuxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tuxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuxie)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/18 "2015-01-05T02:18:30Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Ok, curious. On this website does it ask if women are into giving blowjobs or not? Is it something the women just flat out say? BTW, not every woman is good at giving those either. > > BTW, when I first saw the headline what I thought first was bragging about looks or income. Some people share what they like/don’t like before they actually get intimate. I don’t think that is particularly strange. There have been plenty of threads on this message board about what people like sexually, what they do, the size, color, and shade of their anatomy, etc. I have had plenty of guys get to talking about sex very early on. I guess it is less creepy than the guys who send pictures of their penis right off the bat. And I suppose I can’t fault a guy for sending out feelers on how a date or potential relationship might go- if you are into having sex on the first date (or NOT into it), you probably want to know whether it is on the table ahead of time. There are just quite a few guys who try really hard to sell themselves on what good lovers they are. And I found the more explicit they are about it, the less they have to offer in the end. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/19 "2015-01-05T07:03:46Z")
> [@Tuxie](#): > > \the less they have to offer in the end. Heh heh. 😃 What? You all know I’m a 12-year-old boy by now! ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deceptive-claims-made-in-dating/708723/20 "2015-01-05T19:28:11Z")
> [@Tuxie](#): > > Guys that are all about going down on a woman: I found through personal experience the more the guy talked up not just his skill but his enthusiasm both online and in real life, the worse he was at oral. The men that were the best were just ‘naturals’ at it and didn’t need to advertise their skill or willingness. But… But… But… How’s a guy supposed to _advertise_ (on-line or IRL) that, without sounding skeevy? Do any females (whether you want a male who’s into oral or not) actually choose to blind-date a male who advertises that? If not, how does a female (who’s into oral) actually find a similarly inclined male, other than by chance and the luck of the draw?