# Declanium is a sorry excuse for a mother. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 6, 2020, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539 "2020-02-06T14:23:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 18
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/341 "2020-02-09T22:26:55Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Especially since I had warned them that it would happen eventually. And that’s what’s important, isn’t it? The worse thing that can happen now is that they’ll be perfectly fine and live happy, fulfilling lives, because that would mean you were _wrong_, and we can’t have that, can you? You’d HATE that. I know your type. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/342 "2020-02-09T22:27:00Z")
Not rapists or murderers. But smoking weed has been linked to lung cancer, testicular cancer, oral cancer and head and neck cancer. Also arrhythmia and changes in heart structure and blood vessels. So not exactly the most healthy choice. Not to mention damage to developing adolescent brains. I saw an article by a doctor who maintained that marijuana will be the next tobacco. We weren’t concerned about tobacco at first. Doctors said it was great for relaxing. And weren’t they wrong! Now that marijuana is legal in many states, it will be easier for them to study and more patients may admit to use. We will see the health consequences. And the high THC levels that kids are smoking will lead to addiction that had not been seen in previous generations, because the weed was of a weaker THC level. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/343 "2020-02-09T22:28:12Z")
Assuming **Declanium** is sincere, she reminds me of the Mary Tyler Moore character in _[Ordinary People](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ordinary_People)_, a 1980 movie about a family whose beloved older son is killed in a boating accident. She blames the younger son for the death and cannot forgive him or show any sign of loving him, so at the end of the movie, she leaves the son and her husband, abandoning the family. **Declanium** ought to do the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/344 "2020-02-09T22:29:26Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Not rapists or murderers. But smoking weed has been linked to lung cancer, testicular cancer, oral cancer and head and neck cancer. Also arrhythmia and changes in heart structure and blood vessels. > So not exactly the most healthy choice. > Not to mention damage to developing adolescent brains. > I saw an article by a doctor who maintained that marijuana will be the next tobacco. We weren’t concerned about tobacco at first. Doctors said it was great for relaxing. And weren’t they wrong! > Now that marijuana is legal in many states, it will be easier for them to study and more part may admit to use. We will see the health consequences. > And the high THC levels that kids are smoking will lead to addiction that had not been seen in previous generations, because the weed was of a weaker THC level. It’s a shame that they don’t have a mother who will fight for them and offer them the kind of love and compassion that will give them the best chance of avoiding these bad things. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/345 "2020-02-09T22:34:43Z")
What \*\*Declanium \*\*doesn’t get is that this has nothing to do with marijuana: if her sons were instead shooting heroin and smoking crack _at the same time_, and she reacted the way she’s reacting now, we’d STILL think she was a horrible parent and a reprehensible human being. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/346 "2020-02-09T22:35:42Z")
They already chose. February thru December 2019 Once a week or probably more ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/347 "2020-02-09T22:35:55Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Not rapists or murderers. But smoking weed has been linked to lung cancer, testicular cancer, oral cancer and head and neck cancer. Also arrhythmia and changes in heart structure and blood vessels. > So not exactly the most healthy choice. > Not to mention damage to developing adolescent brains. > I saw an article by a doctor who maintained that marijuana will be the next tobacco. We weren’t concerned about tobacco at first. Doctors said it was great for relaxing. And weren’t they wrong! > Now that marijuana is legal in many states, it will be easier for them to study and more patients may admit to use. We will see the health consequences. > And the high THC levels that kids are smoking will lead to addiction that had not been seen in previous generations, because the weed was of a weaker THC level. Unlike alcohol, the health drink. Remind us if you could still love your sons if you caught them drinking? ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/348 "2020-02-09T22:37:00Z")
Oh, what would you do, Alessan? Get them therapy? Cuz I did that ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/349 "2020-02-09T22:37:44Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > My husband will want to pay for it. > We’ve been saving since they were babies. > Believe me, I know it’s a waste of time and money but… You are the sorriest excuse for a human being I have ever come across on this board, and you are doing irreparable damage to your sons. Ten or twenty years down the line, they’ll be sitting in a therapist’s office trying to come to terms with the fact that their mother abandoned them emotionally and eventually physically when they were kids and then young adults. Then they’ll go home and smoke a joint to unwind and hopefully mentally tell you to go fuck yourself. You deserve no less. Then, hopefully, they’ll move on with their happy and productive lives. I am glad that your husband is supportive of your sons so they have at least one parent to turn to. Why he stays with you, I can’t say. You’re a fucking bitch. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/350 "2020-02-09T22:38:05Z")
This is where the pot smokers come out because they don’t like the science. ---
**Author:** ![Chingon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chingon/32/17645_2.png) [@Chingon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chingon)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/351 "2020-02-09T22:38:42Z")
Their fate was sealed the far they got about half of their DNA from that man. Bad genes, smdh. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/352 "2020-02-09T22:39:30Z")
If they’re smoking joints, expectopatronum, it’s no loss to me. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/353 "2020-02-09T22:39:49Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Yes in a way Manda Jo > Using drugs has changed their course in life most definitely > Nothing to do with potential success-wise > I would rather they be less successful work-wise than be drug-abusing millionaires Sure. But why do you think they will be drug-abusers? Maybe they will just be drug users? > [@Declanium](#): > > Will pay for their college but once out of house, smoke til you reap the consequences of your actions. > I am not required to watch someone die or suffer. > Especially since I had warned them that it would happen eventually. We will all die, and most of us will suffer, drug use or not. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/354 "2020-02-09T22:41:32Z")
> [@Ann\_Hedonia](#): > > Here’s what I find disturbing about this. > > I DO know parents that have cut their kids out of their lives because of drugs. > > I happens after the 10th or 12th or 20th time they’ve stolen money from their parents. It happens after the 4th overdose. It happens after they financed 5 expensive rehabs, only to see the kid relapse after 2 days. It happen after their kids have assaulted them in order to steal stuff to buy drugs. And even then, even after all that, parents (especially mothers ) find it difficult. > > They find it difficult because they truly love their children. They feel their pain and suffer with them. It usually takes counseling to even convince the parents to cut the kid off. Most parents find it really difficult to give up on their kids, even when, to the outside observer, there’s no hope left. And even then, they still love them. > > You caught your kid once. You had no inkling of a problem at the time, IIRC. Which seems to indicate that he is holding his own at school and socially. And, because of this one incident, you’ve decided your child is irredeemably broken and not be worthy of your love. > > Your shocked that we think you should still love him as much as he did before. > > This isnt about our disparate position on marijuana. I’m not getting on you for overreacting. If you had told me you were grounding him for a year and cutting off his internet and making him take a drug test every week and sniffing his hair every time you hugged him - yes I’d think you were overreacting and I might try to convince you to lighten up. But I wouldn’t be in the Pit. > > I’m pitting your emotional reaction - the fact that your maternal bond was so tenuous that this incident seems to have affected your ability to love your child, and that you somehow think this is OK. > > See, I once had to cut a kid out of my life. He wasn’t even my biological child, I fostered him for several years. And I had to cut him out because he developed a psychiatric problem and thought I was poisoning him and spying on him online and all sorts of crazy stuff. And I still needed a therapist to help me cut him off and I slipped up a lot, because he had good days sometimes. And then my therapist had to remind me that the next time he might try to kill me. > > And it still fucking hurts, I’m crying as I type this. Because I still love him. > > You’re saving yourself a lot of pain, I guess, but you are missing out on so much. I just have no more words. My heart goes out to you, Annie. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/355 "2020-02-09T22:42:12Z")
If they’re smoking drugs, I don’t want to know them ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/356 "2020-02-09T22:43:24Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > If that were only true, iiandyiiii > But it’s not. > No amount of love can keep someone from drugs. > As I found out on Christmas. > They knew I loved them. > And they still did drugs. You obviously didn’t love them. If you loved them, you wouldn’t be washing your hands of them today. Maybe they knew that? I mean, my best guess is that they tried pot because their friends did, and they kept doing it because they enjoyed it. But no, you didn’t love them. You loved the imaginary children who were perfect Hallmark offspring. ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/357 "2020-02-09T22:43:49Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > If they’re smoking joints, expectopatronum, it’s no loss to me. Yeah, cause you’re a fucking cunt who doesn’t care about your children. One day you’re going to be old and lonely and wonder why no one can be bothered to come visit you. It’s because you’re a shitty person. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/358 "2020-02-09T22:45:05Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > If they’re smoking drugs, I don’t want to know them It’s probably good that they’re learning sooner rather than later that they have a mother who doesn’t love them and won’t stand by them in difficult times. A loving, supporting mother could be very beneficial to them, but it seems pretty clear that you’re not interested in that. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/359 "2020-02-09T22:46:28Z")
You’re sweet too, expectopatronum. And no, puzzlegal. Friends weren’t involved. That’s what makes it so insidious. The 14 year old was curious. Bought the damn stuff and then offered it to the 16 year old brother. Became their thing. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2020, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/360 "2020-02-09T22:48:27Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Assuming **Declanium** is sincere, she reminds me of the Mary Tyler Moore character in _[Ordinary People](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ordinary_People)_, a 1980 movie about a family whose beloved older son is killed in a boating accident. She blames the younger son for the death and cannot forgive him or show any sign of loving him, so at the end of the movie, she leaves the son and her husband, abandoning the family. **Declanium** ought to do the same thing. Hah! I thought of this movie too, right off the bat. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539.md?page=17) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539.md?page=19)