# Declanium is a sorry excuse for a mother. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 6, 2020, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539 "2020-02-06T14:23:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 24
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2020, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/461 "2020-02-10T23:04:09Z")
I wonder how many more people are going to post some variant of “you’re way way overreacting” before it is understood that this person has absolutely zero intention of changing her mind based on facts, or any kind of appeal to her apparently nonexistent parental goodness. Face it guys, she wants to cut her kids out of her life and she’s going to. Let’s go do something else. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Librarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_librarian/32/402_2.png) [@The\_Librarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Librarian)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2020, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/462 "2020-02-10T23:16:02Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Green Bean > My kids were smoking for 10 months > Not six times > Big difference > Spent all savings on it What? A 14- and 16-year old have to dip into their savings to finance $10 weed per week? But seriously: Do you have a (former) pothead\* friend/acquintance you can talk to to get some perspective? (\*Look for higher education: odds are 50/50. Colleges and Universities are like Sodom and Gomorra:) ) My “pothead” friends all grew out of it at some point, they all hold nice positions. Some pot/weed when you’re a teenager isn’t really a predictor for the future; one way or the other. Alcohol and tobacco are much harder to “grow out of”. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2020, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/463 "2020-02-10T23:17:16Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Yeah, I could deal with all of the other teenage stuff - but not drugs. They knew from an early age that was my Achilles heel. Sex, taking the car, all easier than drugs. Interesting. Do you have a hypothesis why you feel this way? > [@Declanium](#): > > No addiction in my family > But my husband’s brother is an alcoholic > As is his other brother’s son > And his other brother’s daughter had a drug problem that led to her losing custody of her child and then ultimately incarceration That’s comparable to my experience. No addiction in my blood family, but my husband’s mother was a raging alcoholic when the kids were in high school. She’d been “recovering” for several years when I met her, and hasn’t had booze in decades, now. But husband and his sister learned to cook early on, because otherwise they didn’t eat. His sister had some drug issues, and his brother had some major drug issues. Both clean, now. His father and uncle were also alcoholics, although the father (who abandoned the family) cleaned himself up. His uncle died a drunk – it was one of his greatest pleasures, I think. His paternal grandmother suffered the DTs when she was hospitalized for something else, because she lied, and didn’t warn them how much she drank. My husband, oddly enough, is fine with my light drinking, and isn’t worried about whether the kids use drugs. Nor am I. (Well, I’d be concerned if they used hard drugs.) It’s pretty weird to view “prison” as the “natural consequence” of pot use. It’s been legalized in my state. It was pretty rare for someone to be incarcerated for pot even before that. Especially white, middle class teens… ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2020, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/464 "2020-02-10T23:35:02Z")
> [@saucywench](#): > > I’m not the droid you are looking for. > > “Arkansas-Where education are important.” Hey! That’s just rude. We has good edumacations here abouts. I can cipher and even read a book/w pictures. (17 new weed dispensaries, as well) Arkansas: the Land of Opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/465 "2020-02-11T00:56:03Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > I guess this is the wrong audience. > I see on a Grown and Flown page that if a kid is smoking weed it is given the proper attention. Not a “it’s just a rite of passage.” > Ppl there discuss rehab and yes, more so, **natural consequences like prison** to deal with it > **If a parent just sits back and loves** , that’s viewed as enabling (emphasis added) There are so many things wrong with just this one post. 1. Prison is not a “natural consequence” of smoking pot. A natural consequence might be something like failing grades or inability to perform in some other desired way. that might lead a user to re-think their practices. Prison is an artificial consequence imposed by society. And more importantly: 1. This is the excluded middle fallacy. There is a whole huge middle ground between sitting back and doing nothing, and writing people out of your life. Lots of loving parents do something (short of sending them to prison) about their kids’ drug use. Don’t kid yourself that it’s one side or the other. If you don’t want to do the hard work of loving and finishing raising these kids, why don’t you just admit it? Maybe the truth will set them free. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/466 "2020-02-11T01:25:18Z")
If Declanium were my mom, I’d have to be bombed 24/7. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/467 "2020-02-11T01:51:31Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > No, Green Bean, he’s good imo Wait, new info! I read him the stuff I said about him in this thread over dinner. He said that he had actually smoked less than a half a dozen times, more like 3 or 4, not counting the gummy bear incident. He was just rounding up. THEN I turned my head for a moment and turned back to discover he was eating my cauliflower right off my plate! :mad: You’ve been vindicated. Marijuana did indeed turn my perfect child into a liar and a thief. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/468 "2020-02-11T02:15:17Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > You’ve been vindicated. Marijuana did indeed turn my perfect child into a liar and a thief. He’s stealing _cauliflower_, so not just a thief, but some sort of deviant, as well. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/469 "2020-02-11T02:39:44Z")
The Cauliflower Thief. Next year’s indie darling. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/470 "2020-02-11T02:51:24Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Interesting. Do you have a hypothesis why you feel this way? Just a guess, but I’m thinking she kray. I’m joining **Ulfreida** anywhere else. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/471 "2020-02-11T03:08:36Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Hey! That’s just rude. > We has good edumacations here abouts. I can cipher and even read a book/w pictures. > > (17 new weed dispensaries, as well) > > Arkansas: the Land of Opportunity. She even done gradumated from the 6th grade! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/472 "2020-02-11T04:31:57Z")
Make that 7th grade. Jethro ain’t got nothing on me! (:)) ---
**Author:** ![saucywench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@saucywench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucywench)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/473 "2020-02-11T04:47:29Z")
Are you a double naught spy? ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/474 "2020-02-11T13:39:46Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Green Bean > My kids were smoking for 10 months > Not six times > Big difference > Spent all savings on it Fucking amateur. Hit up a Narc-Anon meeting sometime (a support group for friends and family of those with drug issues) and listen to some stories. Talk to the mom whose kid had a $200 a DAY pill habit and has OD’ed four times now but is somehow still alive. Talk to parents of kids who didn’t get that lucky. Talk to parents whose kids robbed them blind for dope money. Talk to the dad who found his son’s dead body. Then tell your story. You _probably_ won’t be laughed out of the room, but guaranteed it’ll be a topic of conversation after the meeting breaks up. There are people who would give everything they’ve got to have your fucking problems. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/475 "2020-02-11T13:45:18Z")
You’re not getting it, expectopatronum. That’s EXACTLY what I don’t want in my future. It’s why the emotional distancing is starting now. ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/476 "2020-02-11T14:19:11Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > You’re not getting it, expectopatronum. > That’s EXACTLY what I don’t want in my future. > It’s why the emotional distancing is starting now. Based on what you’ve told us, there is zero indication that’s in either one of their futures. You are fucking warped. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/477 "2020-02-11T14:27:44Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > That’s EXACTLY what I don’t want in my future. That’s understandable. > [@Declanium](#): > > It’s why the emotional distancing is starting now. And that’s the best way to ensure it happens. ---
**Author:** ![MortSahlFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@MortSahlFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MortSahlFan)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/478 "2020-02-11T14:34:12Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Yeah, I could deal with all of the other teenage stuff - but not drugs. They knew from an early age that was my Achilles heel. Sex, taking the car, all easier than drugs. Would you be saying all this if you caught them drinking a beer? ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/479 "2020-02-11T15:16:55Z")
Caught drinking one beer? As opposed to 10 months of smoking once a week or more? Yes to the beer ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2020, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/480 "2020-02-11T15:24:41Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > You’re not getting it, expectopatronum. > That’s EXACTLY what I don’t want in my future. > It’s why the emotional distancing is starting now. Ok, this clinches it. Its an act. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539.md?page=23) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539.md?page=25)