# Declanium is a sorry excuse for a mother. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 6, 2020, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539 "2020-02-06T14:23:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/101 "2020-02-06T21:45:54Z")
> [@Ann\_Hedonia](#): > > I’m not into church at all. I’m not a religious person and I don’t believe in God. But I go to church often enough. > > Because it’s important to some members of my family and sometimes they want me to go, on holidays, special occasions or maybe one of them is singing or speaking. I do this because I love them and I love sharing experiences with them. Just like I might go to a movie or restaurant I’m not particularly into, because a family member wants to go. Because Love. So you’re saying that as an atheist, you would not abandon the people that you love because they believe in god and choose to attend church? I have to say, as a fellow atheist, I question your commitment to Sparkle Motion. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/102 "2020-02-06T21:57:48Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > I realize you’re probably right. I should leave the family. I can’t imagine me getting past this incident. I’m going to chime in with agreement here. you really should leave your family they will be better off without you. That being said totally a troll but I’ve got nothing better to do until my kids come home from school. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/103 "2020-02-06T21:59:29Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > And yes, older son has already had sex. We know this. And I was fine with it. He used protection. There are some conservative, religious families who lead strict lifestyles without things like sex, alcohol, and even dancing. If their kids engage in those activities, they may be shunned and rejected by the parents. I image those parents make similar arguments about those vices as you are making with pot. The conservative parents think that a kid taking a drink will become an alcoholic and that a kid having sex will become a sex addict. Although pot is obviously different than those things, they’re all in the same realm of vices. The parents who reject their kids because they drank a beer aren’t much different than what you’re doing with your kids and pot. For some reason you’re grouping pot with much harder and dangerous drugs like meth and heroin, and it’s influencing how you’re approaching this. But really, pot is much more like alcohol. You rejecting your kid for smoking pot is not really all that different from the parent who rejects their kid for drinking, smoking, having sex, or dancing. Maybe think about what has happened in states where pot is legal. Colorado has had it for a while. If pot leading to harder drugs was really that big of a problem, the consequences should be very visible there. But as far as I know, the number of meth and heroin addicts has not exploded since pot was legalized. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/104 "2020-02-06T22:06:26Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > So you’re saying that as an atheist, you would not abandon the people that you love because they believe in god and choose to attend church? > > I have to say, as a fellow atheist, I question your commitment to Sparkle Motion. :D:D:D I actually consider myself agnostic, when I take the time to consider it. My mom’s in a nursing home. Last Sunday I arranged for someone from her church to stop by and conduct a highly abbreviated communion service in her room and the entire family stopped by for it. After I took communion, I turned to Mom and said “Check it out, the chalice didn’t burst into flames”. She laughed. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/105 "2020-02-06T22:07:08Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > If you’ve been following, madmonk, yes, that’s it I guess. > Cuz it’s not just disengaging because they once smoked pot in high school. It’s because the therapist sees that it has become a habit that his likely to continue. So in that case, I’m fine with missing my son’s events. And who are we kidding? He’s not getting married. He will barely be able to take care of himself. Why would he couple up? Unless it’s another pothead. > > And yes, older son has already had sex. We know this. And I was fine with it. He used protection. Because, as we all know, protection is 100% infallible, and no one who doesn’t want to become pregnant ever does end up pregnant. Seriously - how the hell do you even manage to put on socks every day? Your tirade about him never settling down because he’ll evitably be addicted to weed is swinging into some serious troll territory. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/106 "2020-02-06T22:13:12Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > Just out of curiosity, where is their dad in all of this? Does he share your opinion or is he taking a more moderate approach? She’ll say he’s just ‘in denial’ because there are addicts on his side of the family. In her original thread, she mentioned he and the boys still act as they always did, watching TV or playing video games. Gee, can’t imagine why they’d rather open up to him, as opposed to their image-obsessed tyrant of a mother… ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/107 "2020-02-06T22:16:25Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Yeah, ok Ann Hedonia. Another comment suggesting that smoking drugs with your kid is fun. She said ADULT CHILDREN, you twat-waffle. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/108 "2020-02-06T22:18:28Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > And who are we kidding? He’s not getting married. He will barely be able to take care of himself. Why would he couple up? Unless it’s another pothead. Indeed, I regularly shit and piss myself when not either bonging the pot or working downtown at my job as a lawyer. And my wife (also a lawyer) and son are figments of my drug addled brain. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/109 "2020-02-06T22:19:19Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > He used protection. You were _watching?!_ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/110 "2020-02-06T22:23:06Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > I realize you’re probably right. I should leave the family. I can’t imagine me getting past this incident. You didn’t answer my question: What does your therapist think of how you’re treating your boys? Also, catching up on the original thread, why are YOU seeing a substance abuse counselor? If you want to influence your boys positively, that’s not the type of counselor you should be seeing. If you want someone to agree with you, it sounds like you’ve found the right one. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/111 "2020-02-06T22:24:50Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > You didn’t answer my question: What does your therapist think of how you’re treating your boys? > > Also, catching up on the original thread, why are YOU seeing a substance abuse counselor? If you want to influence your boys positively, that’s not the type of counselor you should be seeing. If you want someone to agree with you, it sounds like you’ve found the right one. Because she is only a troll. A trolly troll troll troll. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/112 "2020-02-06T22:28:47Z")
I’m seeing the therapist because she suggested it. She says she’s worried about me. Depression. When I express these thoughts of my sons’ bleak futures, she just says there’s no guarantee either way. They could be drug addicts living in the street or they could be ok. But the fact that she’s definitely voice her concern especially about the youngest makes me believe that she knows that the drug addict path is more likely. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/113 "2020-02-06T22:30:02Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > I realize you’re probably right. I should leave the family. I can’t imagine me getting past this incident. Dial it down **SaucyWayneDitka** you’re overselling your act. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/114 "2020-02-06T22:31:08Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Okay. So you object to the seediness of him getting pot from a local dealer. Is that worse than buying a bottle of JD from an older friend with a fake ID? > [@QuickSilver](#): > > Depends. How’s the kid doing otherwise? How are his grades? Is he socially well adjusted? Does he have hobbies/interests? Play sports? Part time job? Good friends? > > What else is going on with him? You going to respond to any of the above, **Declanium**? ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/115 "2020-02-06T22:33:39Z")
Nope. I don’t have a substance abuse problem. As I’ve already stated, she suggested individual therapy as well. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/116 "2020-02-06T22:34:39Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Nope. I don’t have a substance abuse problem. As I’ve already stated, she suggested individual therapy as well. Retracted. How’s the kid doing otherwise? ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/117 "2020-02-06T22:35:04Z")
Kids’ grades could definitely be better. And were much better prior to the drug stuff in 2019. They play sports, the usual. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/118 "2020-02-06T22:37:35Z")
Younger one had part time job. We had encouraged him to put money in the bank and we would match it. He always put us off. Now we know why. He spent all of it on weed. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/119 "2020-02-06T22:38:39Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Kids’ grades could definitely be better. And were much better prior to the drug stuff in 2019. > They play sports, the usual. No problems with teachers or adult authorities? Thoughts on him illegally buying booze vs. pot? ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2020, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/120 "2020-02-06T22:45:13Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > They could be drug addicts living in the street or they could be ok. But the fact that she’s definitely voice her concern especially about the youngest **makes me believe that she knows** that the drug addict path is more likely. (My emphasis). This is irrational thinking. You are making a presumption that another person can tell the future. It is a sign that you need help. Assuming you are sincere, don’t guess at what your therapist “knows”, because I’m sure that, if she was any good, she’d assure you that she does not know how your son will turn out. As somebody who deals with depression, I am quite familiar with imagining scenarios that end up with me in the gutter. **They are the product of a diseased mind**. I take medication; you might consider the same. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539.md?page=7)