# Declanium is a sorry excuse for a mother. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 6, 2020, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539 "2020-02-06T14:23:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/141 "2020-02-07T00:33:33Z")
I don’t think **Declanium** is a troll. Surely there are more entertaining ways to troll a message board. I think we’re dealing with a low information, high anxiety, delusional adult with poorly functioning mental coping skills. Repeated restatement of her inability to deal with an obsessive fear of pot, and the loss of parental control over her child’s behavior has really pushed her psychologically into a corner. The only way she can find out of this deep conflict isn’t to deal with her own irrational fears but to ostracize the person causing her to feel all this anxiety and failure as a parent. If the kid is sent away, so is the problem, right?. Biblical equivalent of casting the demons onto the scapegoat and send it out into the hinterlands. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/142 "2020-02-07T00:38:51Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > I’m not a troll. For those who have accused me of being one. > And yes, they did spend Xmas that way because that has been our tradition since they were toddlers. > We are seeing a social worker. They are growing up and are getting tired of entertaining your delusional ideation of a Norman Rockwell family Christmas. You’re smothering them. Let them breath and grow. I guarantee you they are dreading every moment you call “tradition”. Smoking pot is the only way this kid can deal with you anymore. Social workers are lovely people and they do the lord’s work, but they are not mental health professionals of the type you are desperately in need of. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/143 "2020-02-07T00:43:09Z")
Whose sock is she? ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/144 "2020-02-07T00:44:43Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > No problems with adults or authorities…other than us, that is. > And again, booze is more normalized. At least here where we live. More relatable too. I can see if he would have a drink and then see how he felt. With weed, it’s more risky. Once you have the stuff in your system, it’s in there. You have to ride it thru. > As someone once said, you don’t “try” drugs. > You do drugs. You can “try” rock climbing, but when you’re doing the drugs it goes inside your body. You’re no longer trying them. They are inside of you. Once you try booze, it’s inside of you. And strawberries. Strawberries are now inside of you, part of you. Of course you metabolize all of those things and then they aren’t inside of you. If you mean that once you smoke weed it causes physical, chemical changes in you, yes, it does. That’s the definition of a drug. A drug is something you consume which has a physiological effect. Marijuana does that, as does alcohol, as does caffeine, as does Tylenol. They are all drugs. They don’t mess you up for life when you try them once. None of those substances will do that. Weed isn’t some special, pernicious thing that forever alter you into a pothead once it’s tried. If you are seeing a professional about this, have you asked medical questions? Questions about the science of what’s happening? ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/145 "2020-02-07T00:45:20Z")
Oddly enough, the Xmas movies are the younger son’s idea. Norman Rockwell as it may be. As horrible as you all view me, prior to Xmas, my teenagers actually enjoyed spending time with me. We enjoyed going out to dinner or grabbing a pizza or watching a movie. Which I guess made it all the worse. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/146 "2020-02-07T00:46:49Z")
After carefully\* considering the question if she is a troll or a sock, my brilliant contribution to this thread is that she is a sock trolling us. You can set up another thread thanking me for my contributions. \*if seven seconds can be defined as “carefully” ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/147 "2020-02-07T00:47:51Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Oddly enough, the Xmas movies are the younger son’s idea. Norman Rockwell as it may be. It’s not odd. He’s trying to make you less neurotic. He’s handling you. Because he’s tired of your shit and you’re less annoying that way. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/148 "2020-02-07T00:51:29Z")
Atamasama, it wasn’t one time trying it. They were doing it for 10 months. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/149 "2020-02-07T00:58:31Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Oddly enough, the Xmas movies are the younger son’s idea. Norman Rockwell as it may be. > As horrible as you all view me, prior to Xmas, my teenagers actually enjoyed spending time with me. > We enjoyed going out to dinner or grabbing a pizza or watching a movie. Which I guess made it all the worse. If you were such a blast to be around, why the fuck were they smoking pot for 10 months? It’s the only way they could tolerate being your perfect little family and satisfying your delusional fantasy. Listen, these kids are growing up and learning about a world without you in it. Give their leash some slack and let them run on their own. Or things will get so much worse for you, you can’t even imagine. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/150 "2020-02-07T01:14:08Z")
I’m going against the grain here, but I don’t think Declanium is a troll. She might be hamming it up for the boards, but I think the basic story actually happened. She had this illusion of a near-perfect family and it couldn’t take any problems, and when she found her kids were behaving badly she couldn’t take it. She’s been on this board since 2015, and posted infrequently about run of the mill stuff. Trolls don’t wait 4+ years to start trolling. She says she’s a depressive. Depressives catastrophize. This isn’t bad behavior that needs to be dealt with, it’s ruin and the end of all things. Also, rules oriented people–she’s not the only one on this board–tend to have rigid, black and white thinking. She thinks there are only two options: Either Pot smoking is an absolute disaster and they will never recover, or teenage pot smoking must be peachy keen, a fun activity that all ages can enjoy. She can’t see that pot smoking is a cause for concern and there should be consequences, but that it’s not the end of the world. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/151 "2020-02-07T01:23:37Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Granted, but you’ve got to admit. As far as emotional support or commiserating, a mom saying “I found a bottle of Fireball in my son’s room” seems to be less jarring than “I found a weed vape and THC carts in my son’s room.” > The latter almost guaranteeing that their sons are no longer allowed to socialize with mine because they do drugs. It’s next level. Were’t you the one complaining about how you feel isolated because all the other parents only talk about how perfect and wonderful their kids are? WHY ON EARTH would they tell you their kid smoked pot when they know that you will shun them for it? There’s no way I’d tell you that my kid tried pot at a party once. (Actually, he thought he tried it twice, but the first time it was just his friends pranking him with a regular gummy bear. I will never let him live that down. ) ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/152 "2020-02-07T01:25:52Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > We are seeing a social worker. I hope they take your kids. You are a troll, regardless of whether you are telling the truth or not, because you are ignoring those who might offer realistic advice or hard won truths so that you can bleat about how righteous you are. > [@](#): > > Granted, but you’ve got to admit. As far as emotional support or commiserating, a mom saying “I found a bottle of Fireball in my son’s room” seems to be less jarring than “I found a weed vape and THC carts in my son’s room.” > The latter almost guaranteeing that their sons are no longer allowed to socialize with mine because they do drugs. It’s next level. FIREBALL IS A DRUG. It’s called alcohol. Kills people every day. Ruins lives all the fucking time. > [@](#): > > booze is more normalized. At least here where we live. More relatable too. I can see if he would have a drink and then see how he felt. With weed, it’s more risky. Once you have the stuff in your system, it’s in there. You have to ride it thru. What a fucking hypocrite (besides being embarrassingly naïve) - don’t you worry about how he’s ruined his liver, chosen a life on skid row, and has now given up any hope of happiness, unless he decides to shack up with another booze hound? I bet you even think that you are moral and shit. Which is a shame, because some people were trying to talk to you like you were interested in listening. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/153 "2020-02-07T01:34:03Z")
Hard to judge me while you’re all going postal on the boards here but my kids still are saying, “love you. Good night…” as they always have - So the whole “I hope they take your kids” is a bit extreme. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/154 "2020-02-07T01:36:34Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Hard to judge me while you’re all going postal on the boards here but my kids still are saying, “love you. Good night…” as they always have - > So the whole “I hope they take your kids” is a bit extreme. And you think they are telling the truth. :smack: Lady, they’re druggies. Lying is what.they.do. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/155 "2020-02-07T01:40:08Z")
What an ass. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/156 "2020-02-07T01:40:42Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > The first drug most people start using is caffeine. Next is alcohol. Before that is sugar. So just to be sure we’re all on the same page here: any child who consumes sugar will become a meth addict. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/157 "2020-02-07T01:41:09Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > Hard to judge me while you’re all going postal on the boards here but my kids still are saying, “love you. Good night…” as they always have - > So the whole “I hope they take your kids” is a bit extreme. The chilling thing is that they’re saying “I love you” to a woman that is openly considering abandoning them. You don’t see how screwed up that is? You don’t have to approve of their choices to love and care for them. ---
**Author:** ![Declanium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5daacb/32.png) [@Declanium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declanium)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/158 "2020-02-07T01:43:46Z")
I do see that it’s sad. I think they are hoping that I can move forward from this. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/159 "2020-02-07T01:46:53Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > I do see that it’s sad. I think they are hoping that I can move forward from this. And can you be the better person and move forward? ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2020, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539/160 "2020-02-07T01:47:06Z")
> [@Declanium](#): > > What an ass. Who, me? Or your irredeemable loser children? Or do you want to walk back all of your insistence that they are ruined? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declanium-is-a-sorry-excuse-for-a-mother/847539.md?page=9)