# Declining a Bachelor Party? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 10, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940 "2006-07-10T22:26:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tashabot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tashabot/32/6250_2.png) [@tashabot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tashabot)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/21 "2006-07-11T03:30:22Z")
[QUOTE=Tower Dweller] That must be why there are so many places to rent there. Split 6 ways, I figured ~$130 for my share for the weekend, which is fine. Wait. That’s 6 dudes in a 4-bedroom house. Nice. :dubious: [/QUOTE] Like a cabin or something for the weekend? Those are relatively cheap …at least, for locals. Dunno what they’re charging out-of-towners. 6 guys, 4 bedroom house…this does not bode well. :eek: ~Tasha ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/22 "2006-07-11T03:31:40Z")
Since when do grooms plan the bachelor parties? They’re supposed to be thrown by his friends, aren’t they? At least that’s how it used to be. I think you should decline. Too much is too much. Don’t feel bad about it. It seems like weddings just become more and more expensive and inconvenient to the guests every day. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/23 "2006-07-11T04:42:32Z")
“I’m throwing myself two expensive parties and I’m expecting my friends to go broke just to make me happy.” No, no, no, no, no! IMO we’re looking at the epitome of tacky here. I won’t go into how I feel about destination weddings, but destination bachelor party?! Thrown by the groom?! Just no. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/24 "2006-07-11T08:57:16Z")
[QUOTE=FairyChatMom] Another vote for decline regretfully. Man, I’m so glad I just eloped and got it over with. [/QUOTE] Me too! I pat myself on the back every day! I just don’t get the big to-do wedding concept. Every story I hear is more ridiculous than the last. ---
**Author:** ![Tower\_Dweller](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tower\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tower_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/25 "2006-07-11T15:16:00Z")
I told my friend, and he’s not happy. He pointed out that the trip only works if there’s enough people to split the cost. Yeah, I realize that. I told him I just couldn’t afford it. He asked - “hypothetically” - about a flight to Orlando. Like the flight to Orlando I just purchased for your wedding? Are you trying to say something about the fact that if I could afford that, I can afford another trip? Am I missing the logic? Anyway, I think he’s annoyed, and I do feel bad for him since his buds are scattered all over, but whatever. It’s gotten to the point where if he found a $150 all inclusive air-fare included trip, I’d want to turn it down out of annoyance. Grrr. I would love to elope too. There would be about 20 people lined up to kill me, but it would be worth it. I’m sure as hell not doing a destination wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/26 "2006-07-11T16:27:03Z")
[QUOTE=Tower Dweller] Anyway, I think he’s annoyed, and I do feel bad for him since his buds are scattered all over, but whatever. It’s gotten to the point where if he found a $150 all inclusive air-fare included trip, I’d want to turn it down out of annoyance. Grrr. [/QUOTE] _You_ aren’t scattered all over – from your OP, you live in the same city as him! If he’s upset, suggest that he can have several bachelor get-togethers: one in Chicago for the locals. And one someplace else for everyone who wants to go, and that the locals won’t be expected to underwrite. Heck, if I was you I’d be tempted to cancel the trip to the _wedding_ out of annoyance (“hey, you’re right! I _can’t_ afford to to fly to your Fantasia wedding!”). It’s not as though you’ve committed to a role in the ceremony, since you aren’t a groomsman. ---
**Author:** ![montana\_cricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@montana\_cricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/montana_cricket)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/27 "2006-07-11T16:38:48Z")
I vote with the rest, politely decline. Weddings don’t have to cost a fortune…at mine most everyone had to travel, but the wedding was under $5000, people had a GREAT time and they went to a bar for DH’s bachelor party. Destinations weddings? I don’t understand them…especially at Disney world…um, isn’t that more of a kid’s place to go? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/28 "2006-07-11T17:20:58Z")
[QUOTE=Tower Dweller] I told my friend, and he’s not happy. He pointed out that the trip only works if there’s enough people to split the cost. Yeah, I realize that. I told him I just couldn’t afford it. [/quote] Now that’s _way_ out of line. I’d say that’s getting toward worthy-of-[Etiquette- Hell](http://www.etiquettehell.com/content/eh_main/gen/eh_index.shtml)-Groomonster out-of-line. **He has absolutely NO right to demand that you pitch in to finance a bachelor party that he planned without your input.** That would be true even if you were a groomsman, but it’s even more so if you’re not. This is in the same league with brides or grooms who complain that their guests don’t buy them expensive-enough presents so they “come out ahead” on the wedding costs. > [@](#): > > He asked - “hypothetically” - about a flight to Orlando. Like the flight to Orlando I just purchased for your wedding? Are you trying to say something about the fact that if I could afford that, I can afford another trip? Am I missing the logic? No, you probably just can’t see any logic that might be there for his enormous ego and sense of entitlement. In fact, I think I will tell Mr. Neville about this- the mass of said ego and sense of entitlement might be a large part of the solution to the question of what the [dark matter](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_matter) that makes up most of the mass of the universe is. > [@jackelope](#): > > it’s his party, and he can be tacky if he wants to I disagree, strongly. Somebody needs to stand up to this guy and tell him that he can’t demand large amounts of money from his friends to cover the cost of a party he’s planning. If he can’t afford the party without doing that- guess what, that means he should scale back his plans for the party. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/29 "2006-07-11T17:27:46Z")
The only possible excuse for this sort of behavior–and it’s a very, very poor excuse–is that a year or more of wedding planning has left him so stkcer-shocked that all the money is just numbers to him now. He has so entirely lost perspective that the idea of spending $800/per person on a _party_ seems reasonable to him. However, his insanity doesn’t impose any obligation on you to help sustain his delusions. Just make choices that seem right and sane to you and don’t buy into the twisted version of reality he is living in. He’ll return to the real world eventually. ---
**Author:** ![Tower\_Dweller](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tower\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tower_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/30 "2006-07-11T19:57:08Z")
Interestingly, my friend popped online a bit ago and asked if I could do dinner and drinks in Chicago sometime instead; not that he’s “settling for that yet” but he thought he’d check anyway. It’s funny what happens when you draw the line. I made it clear that I didn’t expect him to change his plans, just that I wouldn’t be able to go out of town. I’ll see what comes up. ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/31 "2006-07-11T20:14:51Z")
[QUOTE=Tower Dweller] Interestingly, my friend popped online a bit ago and asked if I could do dinner and drinks in Chicago sometime instead; not that he’s “settling for that yet” but he thought he’d check anyway. [/QUOTE] I would like to place $500 on the odds of this couple breaking up within the year. ---
**Author:** ![Tower\_Dweller](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tower\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tower_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/32 "2006-07-11T20:48:27Z")
[QUOTE=davenportavenger] I would like to place $500 on the odds of this couple breaking up within the year. [/QUOTE] That’s kind of mean, isn’t it? All you know about the couple is this one incident. He’s planning and paying for a wedding, trying to figure out a way to see his scattered friends one last time. Yeah, he’s lost his mind a bit and is being unreasonable, but I don’t see how that translates into the impending doom of their marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/33 "2006-07-11T21:02:27Z")
Well, from my anecdotal evidence: I’ve known or known of 5 couples who _had_ to have their dream wedding at DisneyWorld. I think the longest marriage of all 5 was a few months over a year. Two imploded within a couple of months. The fifth couple was my cow-orker’s daughter, a year ago. When he was grumbling over the outrageous price of the wedding, I shared my data. Dad paid for the dream wedding. That couple, too, is now separated. ---
**Author:** ![Tower\_Dweller](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tower\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tower_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/34 "2006-07-11T23:29:03Z")
[QUOTE=Lightray] Well, from my anecdotal evidence: I’ve known or known of 5 couples who _had_ to have their dream wedding at DisneyWorld. I think the longest marriage of all 5 was a few months over a year. Two imploded within a couple of months. [/QUOTE] I know this is anecdotal and all, but this is interesting nonetheless. If there is an actual correlation, I wonder why it is? Does wanting to have a Disney imply some immaturity in the relationship? I dunno. I’ll bet there are a lot of people that do go to Disneyland to get married that are still married - from shows I’ve seen (Food Network) and other sources, it sounds like a **lot** of people get married at Disney properties. A lot of people that do the traditional local marriages break up too. Yeah, I have no point. What? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/35 "2006-07-11T23:43:04Z")
My mate got married. (Super chap. Lovely bride. 🙂 ) They had the reception in a church hall, with trestle tables and sandwiches. (They didn’t have a lot of cash. But we told stories and sang songs. 😃 ) Then they went on honeymoon to Disney World! (and are still happily married 14 years later. 🆒 ) ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/36 "2006-07-12T02:32:29Z")
[QUOTE=Anne Neville] > [@jackelope](#): > > it’s his party, and he can be tacky if he wants to I disagree, strongly. Somebody needs to stand up to this guy and tell him that he can’t demand large amounts of money from his friends to cover the cost of a party he’s planning. If he can’t afford the party without doing that- guess what, that means he should scale back his plans for the party. [/QUOTE] I think you missed my point; I meant that the groom is the one throwing the party, and he can throw whatever kind of party he wants; BUT as an invitee, the OP isn’t required to go. The groom can throw a “Grand Coprophagia Banquet” for his bachelor party if he wants; he’s likely to be the only person there, but he can plan it and invite whoever he wants. The groom doesn’t have the right to force anyone to attend, but the invitees _also_ don’t have the right to make the groom change his plans. ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/37 "2006-07-12T08:00:22Z")
First, the groom-designee is acting like a total bridezilla. Second, everybody knows that the _best man/chief groomsman_ plans the BP. Third, well-adjusted adults do not have weddings at DisneyWorld. Disney is for _kids_, not adults. Fourth, in general, it is not unusual for the “happy couple” to acquire a short-term case of wedding-related narcissism. I agree with the “attend the wedding”, but decline the drama queen’s bachelor party. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/38 "2006-07-12T13:10:45Z")
[QUOTE=Tower Dweller] I know this is anecdotal and all, but this is interesting nonetheless. If there is an actual correlation, I wonder why it is? Does wanting to have a Disney imply some immaturity in the relationship? I dunno. I’ll bet there are a lot of people that do go to Disneyland to get married that are still married - from shows I’ve seen (Food Network) and other sources, it sounds like a **lot** of people get married at Disney properties. A lot of people that do the traditional local marriages break up too. [/QUOTE] Yeah, my friends and I all thought enough of it that it’s become a group meme, of sorts: marry at Disney, divorce soon to follow. Of the two unhappy couples I personally knew, both seemed much more interested in having the perfect (“storybook”) wedding than in having the perfect marriage. The other ones I’ve been told of, sound the same. But I do think that **cerberus** has a good point, that Disney is for _kids_. And adults who are reacting like they’re kids probably aren’t headed for a successful marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/39 "2006-07-12T14:17:26Z")
[QUOTE=Tower Dweller] I know this is anecdotal and all, but this is interesting nonetheless. If there is an actual correlation, I wonder why it is? [/QUOTE] To me, having a “destination” wedding seems to imply that all the bride and groom are thinking about is “Wedding! Wedding! Wedding!” When all the hoopla is done with, they find themselves smack dab in the middle of a marriage marriage marriage. No more Disney World. They’re no longer the center of attention of their friends and family. The party is over. And maybe they really hadn’t thought that part through so much. I think it’s a bad idea be too focused your wedding. It’s not the end-all-be-all of your relationship; it’s just a gateway, a milestone. It seems like a good deal more thought and planning ought to be going into what comes _after_ the Big Event. No offense to anyone who had an extravagant wedding; I’m just generalizing. ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940/40 "2006-07-12T14:19:21Z")
[QUOTE=Tower Dweller] That’s kind of mean, isn’t it? All you know about the couple is this one incident. He’s planning and paying for a wedding, trying to figure out a way to see his scattered friends one last time. Yeah, he’s lost his mind a bit and is being unreasonable, but I don’t see how that translates into the impending doom of their marriage. [/QUOTE] The “I’m not settling for that yet” implies to me that he is a control freak who will not be happy unless he gets his own way 24/7. Maybe I’m wrong and this is just a pre-wedding personality shift that will quickly change back, I hope so. But being so controlling with a friend who isn’t even an integral part of the wedding party does not bode well for how he will treat those in the party, or his future wife. Just MHO. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-a-bachelor-party/363940.md?page=3)