# Declining an invite - do you feel you must give a reason? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 19, 2018, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-an-invite-do-you-feel-you-must-give-a-reason/819861 "2018-08-19T01:46:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![blob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blob/32/489_2.png) [@blob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blob)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2018, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-an-invite-do-you-feel-you-must-give-a-reason/819861/21 "2018-08-20T22:12:52Z")
> [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > However, I have one particular coworker who is constantly trying to arrange after-work drinks and dinners. If I decline, he will demand to know the reason. And it’s not uncommon for him to say, “well, how about Thursday instead?” And so on. I’ve had that, I’ve just said I don’t like going out at night and get tired after work and want to get home and relax, that it’s “not my thing” to go out after work. There’s a difference between being pressed for a reason, or needing to give one to stave off alternative suggestions or to explain some (real) commitments or preferences that mean you are unlikely to accept that type of invitation if it’s renewed and making up a load of nonsense and not giving the firm “no” that you know is the real answer. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2018, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-an-invite-do-you-feel-you-must-give-a-reason/819861/22 "2018-08-20T22:42:10Z")
> [@BeeGee](#): > > Really? Remember your interests? Text, don’t call? My reply would be “ok” and then delete your contact info. > > If you explain once, then you’re seeing a precedent. Sooner or later, you’ll get backed into a corner. Perfect! I don’t need constant phone calls (that’d I’d bounce) to be asked to go listen to bagpipes. If you can’t remember that I don’t like bagpipes, or phone calls, then you’ll find yourself blocked by me pretty darn soon anyway. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2018, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-an-invite-do-you-feel-you-must-give-a-reason/819861/23 "2018-08-20T22:55:18Z")
I pretty much always provide a reason for my rejection. “Um, no thanks. I’m not interested / too many people’ll be there / it’s too far away / I don’t feel like it / it’s not my kind of thing / that sounds awful / you already knew I’d say no, you said so yourself.” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-an-invite-do-you-feel-you-must-give-a-reason/819861/24 "2018-08-21T11:53:21Z")
My friend Mike recently invited us to a hastily planned Saturday night of drunken debauchery. It’s a great crowd, and we’d normally attend, but prior plans messed with us. I texted back, “sorry, can’t, it’s that time of the month”. Fast forward two weeks after the get-together, Mike texts me asking what that meant. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-an-invite-do-you-feel-you-must-give-a-reason/819861/25 "2018-08-21T11:54:45Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Keep in mind that this is all said knowing fuck well we are not attending and are likely going to stay home that evening and catch up on Better Call Saul. > > My answer: “I’m sorry, we won’t be able to make it, but thanks.” > > So, when declining an invite, do you feel it necessary to provide an explanation along with your answer? Nope. Your stock answer is my stock answer. At most, if pressed, I’ll say “prior commitment” or “something came up”. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-an-invite-do-you-feel-you-must-give-a-reason/819861/26 "2018-08-21T12:27:49Z")
> [@dalej42](#): > > Suffering through a dinner is better than endless guilt trips. I do not agree. If someone is manipulating you emotionally in order to force you to do things you don’t want to do then you are in an abusive relationship. If someone asks you, as a favor, to attend something they deem important, then it would be fine to put your feelings aside and attend for their benefit. But to just schlump along out of fear of reprisal is no way for anyone to live. The work thing is a special exception. Although I have found that going to one or two, when you first join, shows you are willing. You can then pick and choose the less horrific ones to put in an appearance. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-an-invite-do-you-feel-you-must-give-a-reason/819861/27 "2018-08-21T12:42:35Z")
> [@dalej42](#): > > There are some events you have to attend that you don’t want to. Some are for work: It’s very strongly suggested in my work group to attend the summer social and the holiday party. No, there’s not a gun to your head but missing both of the parties consistently will get you labeled as ‘not a team player’ and is a career killer. My company has summer and holiday parties and we hardly notice if someone doesn’t go (I am a senior manager and we’ve never paid attention to this). If this is a “career killer” where you work then you have a toxic workplace. > [@](#): > > Also, sometimes you just have to do things to keep the peace with family/spouse/bf/gf. Suffering through a dinner is better than endless guilt trips. There is a fine line between normal compromise in a relationship and being under a control freak. Your first sentence sounds like the former and your second sentence sounds like the latter. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-an-invite-do-you-feel-you-must-give-a-reason/819861/28 "2018-08-21T13:41:22Z")
No. To paraphrase Lora Brody’s excellent quote about refusing alcohol: For any number of reasons, a person may refuse an invitation. The reason does not have to be explained to anyone, including the inviter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/declining-an-invite-do-you-feel-you-must-give-a-reason/819861.md?page=1)