# Decoding gay-speak **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2005, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349 "2005-04-27T12:53:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Licentious_Ectomorph)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/1 "2005-04-27T12:53:28Z")
It had to be done. I’m not conversant enough in the communication styles of women or straight men (at least in the context of romantic relationships) to contribute to the other threads, but I’ve found them both greatly entertaining. And it occurred to me – who is better at passive-aggression, double entendres, coded speech, etc., than gay men? I know that we as a group are sensitive to stereotyping, but I also know we can laugh at ourselves. So let’s not get all uptight and up-in-arms. I’ll start: I’m versatile. _I’m a bottom_. It’s not you, it’s me. _You don’t make enough money_. Do I look fat? _Should I start sniffing coke again?_ (This one is specific to Washington, DC, but I’m sure other cities have equivalents): I work on Capitol Hill. _The restaurant where I wait tables is on Capitol Hill_. ---
**Author:** ![TheFaerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@TheFaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheFaerie)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/2 "2005-04-27T13:24:56Z")
Lesbian specific: Would you like to go out? _Where should I park my U-haul?_ (I was in a relationship with a woman for 8 years. This pretty much happened after the second date. That’s a long term courtship in lesbian years…) ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/3 "2005-04-27T13:47:57Z")
In the personals, if an ad says “discreet” or “straight-acting” it means _I’m still in the closet – possibly even married – and just want to screw but never be seen in public with you._ ---
**Author:** ![Poonther](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Poonther](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poonther)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/4 "2005-04-27T18:34:08Z")
“Football Player Build” means they are FAT! ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/5 "2005-04-27T21:37:14Z")
I’m adventurous. _Lay out the tarp, I like watersports_ No, I don’t know how to cook… _…quite like Jacques Pepin, but I’m working on it_ I don’t watch much TV. _Food Network is a “network.”_ I didn’t bring a condom. _I can’t stand you and I’m going to make my exit stage right_ It’s not you, it’s me. _Yeay, my bad eyesight… I thought it was at least 2 inches bigger when I met you._ ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/6 "2005-04-27T21:48:12Z")
I’m over the clubbing scene. _I’m down to just Saturday nights now._ I don’t do drugs these days. _As above._ I’m a bear. _I’m hairy, middle-aged and overweight._ Come meet my boyfriend over here. _We were thinking about asking you to have sex with us._ Don’t worry, I’ll go slow. _Bwahaha!_ ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/7 "2005-04-27T22:09:48Z")
“Let’s move in together” _I know @ 35 I’m too old to be living with my parents - but I spend too much on clothes & my car payment to afford to pay rent by myself_ “I love you” _Love, lust…what’s the fucking difference?_ “I’m a bear” _Screw the norms & the Fab 5…I’ve found a subculture where there’s no need to care about grooming, back hair or keeping in shape_ “I’m a rice queen” _I’ve discovered an easier, legal and more acceptable way of dating adolescent-looking males_ “The tracking on the VCR as all screwed up” _Where in the hell did you put the poppers?_ “Anonymous sex just isn’t as fullfilling” _I only go to park-n-ride once a week_ “He’s a fucking slut” _Everytime I see that guy at a circuit party, bathouse or black party, he picks up better looking guys than I do_ “I can’t stand sharing a bar with lesbians” _Not only can these dykes outdrink me, beat me at darts & outshhot me in pool…if I hear Heart’s ‘Barracuda’ on the jukebox one more time tonight, I’m gonna scream_ “I only date older gentlemen” _Not only do I have an electra complex, you don’t make enough money_ “I like all kinds of music” _I listen to Broadway show tunes, Barbara Streisand AND Judy Garland_ ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/8 "2005-04-27T22:16:54Z")
He’s just a friend. (said to your SO, or said to you by your SO) \*I’m having nasty sex with that guy. \* I usually don’t do these kinds of things. \*I haven’t done these kinds of things this week. \* That guy is a freak, be careful. _He dropped me like a hot potatoe._ ---
**Author:** ![Jeeves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/73ab20/32.png) [@Jeeves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeeves)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/9 "2005-04-27T23:07:02Z")
I’ll be there in 20 minutes. _I will be there btwn 20 minutes to 2 hours_ I’m naturally hairless. - I spend 30 minutes a day on hair removal.\* Honest to god I had a roomate who would do that, a hairy egyptian guy who spent at least that much time on hair removal a day, and when I heard him say that I started laughing so hard I had to leave the room. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/10 "2005-04-27T23:33:27Z")
Good Morning! _Jeez! Are you still here!_ ---
**Author:** ![Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Licentious_Ectomorph)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2005, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/11 "2005-04-28T12:35:13Z")
These are _hilarious_! And it’s frightening how true they are… ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2005, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/12 "2005-04-28T13:07:25Z")
> [@kevja](#): > > That guy is a freak, be careful. > _He dropped me like a hot potatoe._ Cool! Not only is Dan Quayle apparently a doper, he’s been outed. I _knew_ there was a reason that Bush senior kept him around. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2005, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/13 "2005-04-28T13:08:54Z")
> [@Balle\_M](#): > > Not only is Dan Quayle apparently a doper, he’s been outed. > > I _knew_ there was a reason that Bush senior kept him around. Horrible… mental… image… _can’t shake it_! Must cleanse brain! Where’s the Draino? ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2005, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/14 "2005-04-28T19:06:01Z")
“Not tonight…I have a headache” _Not tonight, I have a hemorrhoid_ “Thanks for the drink - but I _usually_ only date latino, black and italian guys” _If that basket’s holding 8 or more, the next round’s on me_ “I’m very athletic” _I play beach volleyball at least twice a year on Fire Island_ “You’ve never been on a gay cruise?” _You’ve never attended a 1,500 man orgy on the ocean?_ “Bartender, give me a vodka cranberry” _I’ll have a Grey Goose Cosmopolitan with Lakewood Brand pure organic cranberry juice a lime garnish and one of those cute drink umbrellas in an iced-down martini glass_ ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-gay-speak/301349/15 "2005-05-01T19:44:59Z")
I’ll have a rum and Coke _A rum and Diet Coke, please._ Repeat ad nauseam for any other drink with coke.