# decoding man-speak **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 26, 2005, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097 "2005-04-26T00:44:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/41 "2005-04-26T22:28:56Z")
> [@js\_africanus](#): > > Bayes’s Rule, baby. Bayes’s rules…wha? ---
**Author:** ![margin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@margin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/margin)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/42 "2005-04-26T23:20:09Z")
Man: What’s the matter, can’t you take a joke? Translation: What’s the matter, can’t you take it when I’m a jerk and call it a joke? Man: Woman, what does she want? Translation: I don’t know and I don’t care but I get bonus points for asking. Man: Feminazi Translation: I don’t take you seriously and you better not take yourself seriously either. Man: Women just date jerks. Translation: Women just date better-looking guys than me who don’t say things like, “Can’t you take a joke?” Man: (On the street) oh baby oh baby oh baby! Translation: boobies! Man: She needs to get laid. Translation: She’ll never sleep with me. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/43 "2005-04-26T23:22:40Z")
For the benefit of people who aren’t reading both of these threads: > [@matt\_mcl](#): > > This is probably approached in a spirit of harmless fun, but I really do think it’s symptomatic of the tendency to treat other people as their gender, rather than as individuals, and to impute things they do to their gender. I don’t think that’s helpful. > > While I recognize (as I said) that this thread is in fun, I think it’s important to recognize that belief in these things (and god knows we’ve all heard them stated _seriously_) causes very worrisome problems in interacting with the other gender. > > There’s nothing to be gained by treating communication problems you may be having in a relationship as being attributable to some weird tendency universal to the other gender. > > I don’t think it’s particularly mean-spirited (bitter, yes – lots of people in both threads have said as much). I just find the concept of “man-speak” and “women-speak” disturbing and unhelpful, and I think it’s important to take the opportunity to problematize these kinds of beliefs. > > I was planning to just ignore both of these threads, but I didn’t want Elysian and ToC to feel they were without support. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/44 "2005-04-26T23:42:42Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > For the benefit of people who aren’t reading both of these threads: > > \ > > I just find the concept of “man-speak” and “women-speak” disturbing and unhelpful… Pity that. I have found it to be enormously helpful. My first wife did not use “women-speak” and understood “man-speak” quite intuitively, my current wife was the exact opposite (we’re getting better). It has been an education for both of us and, while these comedic renditions perpetuate stereotypes, I have found there is a large nugget of truth present (as with all comedy). ---
**Author:** ![margin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@margin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/margin)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/45 "2005-04-26T23:57:21Z")
Huh. I find myself using womanspeak because while men complain about woman speak, when you’re blunt they don’t like that either. Man: what a bitch! Translation: when I asked you what you really think, I didn’t think you’d tell me! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/46 "2005-04-27T01:19:09Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > My first wife did not use “women-speak” and understood “man-speak” quite intuitively, my current wife was the exact opposite (we’re getting better). But if 50% of the women in your sample don’t use “women-speak,” why call it that? Sure it’s helpful to recognize different people’s communication styles, but why attribute it to gender? ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/47 "2005-04-27T01:34:50Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > But if 50% of the women in your sample don’t use “women-speak,” why call it that? Sure it’s helpful to recognize different people’s communication styles, but why attribute it to gender? Well, I hate to say this, but…maybe because communication style is linked to gender? Some sociolinguists have made whole careers out of analyzing the differences between masculine and feminine speech patterns. Check out almost anything by Deborah Tannen and you’ll see what I mean. IIRC, **Matt** , you yourself either study or studied linguistics and queer theory. Didn’t you come across any kind of gender-related sociolinguistic literature? ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/48 "2005-04-27T01:39:52Z")
> [@margin](#): > > Man: what a bitch! > Translation: when I asked you what you really think, I didn’t think you’d tell me! Yeah, I’ve gotten this, too. The trick to using “man-speak” while being a woman is to either: 1. Blunt the bluntness with a joke, or 2. Gain honorary guy status before code switching. Or, wait–there’s always technique 3: become friends with the guys you want to relax and use man-speak with before fully switching over. I speak from experience on this. I was the one and only woman in many of my classes as an undergrad, and I was the only girl in the science olympiad team in high school. I know how this dynamic works. As a result, I consider myself at least somewhat gender bilingual. I can and do use woman-speak pretty frequently, but I can do man-speak pretty well, too. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/49 "2005-04-27T01:45:34Z")
And, before anybody jumps on me for my last post: 1. No, I don’t consciously choose my communication style by looking at the person I’m talking with and selecting from one of two completely discrete sets of communication styles I know. 2. Lots of men use at least some “feminine” communication techniques, and lots of women have a communication style that’s “masculine” in some respects. 3. In fact, I would guess that no-one is truly limited to pure “man-speak” or “woman-speak.” I’d bet that lots of us–maybe all of us–do a lot of unconscious code-switching or technique-switching when we talk to different people with different communication styles. But I’ve gotten rather GD on this thread, here. So, enough of my digressions…back to your regularly scheduled MPSIMS discussions. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/50 "2005-04-27T01:59:45Z")
> [@Scribble](#): > > Well, I hate to say this, but…maybe because communication style is linked to gender? > > Some sociolinguists have made whole careers out of analyzing the differences between masculine and feminine speech patterns. Check out almost anything by Deborah Tannen and you’ll see what I mean. IIRC, **Matt** , you yourself either study or studied linguistics and queer theory. Didn’t you come across any kind of gender-related sociolinguistic literature? Certainly; but it’s couched in generalities and moral neutrality, and it’s a far cry from that to this kind of ‘humour’ and to the aforementioned bitterness and mean-spiritedness which is not necessarily the inspiration to this thread but all too often springs from the same root. For example, I don’t think it’s an accident that all of the things mentioned here make the ‘other side’ look bad. They’re appeals, albeit non-serious ones, to the tired battle-of-the-sexes thing, which it really is high time people all got over, _especially_ in romantic relationships. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/51 "2005-04-27T03:03:48Z")
You know, it’s a damned joke thread. We should make our little funnies and just move on. But that proved impossible, and as it coincided with some other things I’ve been thinking about the SDMB, I’ve decided to make a [Pit thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=313942) out of those thoughts (mostly because I don’t think it fit anywhere else - but, in tone, it doesn’t really fit the Pit either. But that’s where we’re told to put such things, so there goes.) ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/52 "2005-04-27T03:15:03Z")
> [@](#): > > **margin** said: > Huh. I find myself using womanspeak because while men complain about woman speak, when you’re blunt they don’t like that either. Man-speak is a lot more intuitive and natural for me than woman-speak, so I use it all the time, and I haven’t gotten that whole ‘you’re a bitch’ reaction from the guys I know IRL. I’m just thought of as one of their buddies, comrades, people who’d be sitting next to you in the cell after the bar brawl. > [@](#): > > **Scribble** said: > The trick to using “man-speak” while being a woman is to either: 1. Blunt the bluntness with a joke, or 2. Gain honorary guy status before code switching. Or, wait–there’s always technique 3: become friends with the guys you want to relax and use man-speak with before fully switching over. I just use it from the beginning. It’s been working well for 27 years. > [@](#): > > I can and do use woman-speak pretty frequently, I’m not so good at it. Never was. Perhaps this may be a reason that my man-speak with the guys is taken so much better so early on. They recognize that I’m not speaking a foreign language. ---
**Author:** ![Nunavut\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e95f7d/32.png) [@Nunavut\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunavut_Boy)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/53 "2005-04-27T03:23:24Z")
Whoever gets this reference wins a cookie. “You won’t bother me, I’ll be upstairs masturbating” _They won’t bother me, I’ll be upstairs masturbating_ ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/54 "2005-04-27T03:49:33Z")
> [@Nunavut Boy](#): > > Whoever gets this reference wins a cookie. > > “You won’t bother me, I’ll be upstairs masturbating” > _They won’t bother me, I’ll be upstairs masturbating_ Buffy? (Actually Xander, but _BtVS_?) Dammit, I _know_ that line. I can almost see it! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@The\_Hook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hook)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/55 "2005-04-27T03:57:43Z")
> [@Nunavut Boy](#): > > Whoever gets this reference wins a cookie. > > “You won’t bother me, I’ll be upstairs masturbating” > _They won’t bother me, I’ll be upstairs masturbating_ An old sketch from SNL. I rule. ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/56 "2005-04-27T03:58:55Z")
> [@Nunavut Boy](#): > > Whoever gets this reference wins a cookie. > > “You won’t bother me, I’ll be upstairs masturbating” > _They won’t bother me, I’ll be upstairs masturbating_ Some football quarterback (:blank:) on Saturday Night Live. Where’s my cookie?! ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/57 "2005-04-27T04:04:14Z")
Somewhere I remember reading that men have two modalities, hungry and horny. Therefore, if I don’t have an erection, go make me a sammitch. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@The\_Hook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hook)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/58 "2005-04-27T04:15:55Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Somewhere I remember reading that men have two modalities, hungry and horny. Therefore, if I don’t have an erection, go make me a sammitch. 😃 Hmm… as Robin Williams put it, God gave man a brain and a penis but only enough blood to pass one at a time. I laughed. I had enough blood available. Yeah, that’s right. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nunavut\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e95f7d/32.png) [@Nunavut\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunavut_Boy)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/59 "2005-04-27T04:16:23Z")
Here’s some cookies. Just be sure to leave a byte for someone else. Well, at least a bit. 01000011 01001111 01001111 01001011 01001001 01000101 00100000 01000011 01001111 01001111 01001011 01001001 01000101 00100000 01000011 01001111 01001111 01001011 01001001 01000101 00100000 01000011 01001111 01001111 01001011 01001001 01000101 00001101 00001010 01001001 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 01101111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100001 01101110 01100100 01110011 Oh my god, I’ve now officially turned into my father. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097/60 "2005-04-27T04:53:36Z")
“Leave me alone.” _Your attempts at consoling me are torment, not comfort._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-man-speak/301097.md?page=4)