# Decoding woman-speak **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 26, 2005, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108 "2005-04-26T01:53:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Berkut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/61 "2005-04-26T22:35:39Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Hey, **msmith** , I already know what you are. You don’t have to go out of your way to prove it. > > _I want you…sexually_ Oh hell yeah. You are my hero. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/62 "2005-04-26T22:36:18Z")
I’m shocked no one posted this yet … “I do.” _“You’re fucked.”_ … or maybe I’m jaded. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/63 "2005-04-26T22:48:49Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > Tell me that you haven’t gone to the bathroom with the lights out. I haven’t gone to the bathroom with the lights out. Why? Because the lights being out makes it difficult to see _if the frigging seat is down or not_! > [@SolGrundy](#): > > Is it worthwhile to point out … that interpreting all this as “bitter and mean-spirited” does nothing more than reinforce the very same stereotype? Exactly what I was thinking. Your whole post is right on the money. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/64 "2005-04-26T23:06:23Z")
> [@Scribble](#): > > You know women with 4 eyebrows? I’ve only got 2. I think that’s standard issue. > > Some of us only have 1. Ah, the deprivation some people must endure. I’ve always assumed that the individual hairs were referred to that way. Oh well live and learn. ---
**Author:** ![Strainger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strainger/32/244_2.png) [@Strainger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strainger)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/65 "2005-04-26T23:19:43Z")
> [@Troy McClure SF](#): > > I haven’t gone to the bathroom with the lights out. I have. _Keep aiming until you hear the water splashing. Keep aiming until you hear the water splashing._ ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/66 "2005-04-26T23:22:42Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > Symptomatic of what? That women and men are socialized differently, so they tend to analyze situations differently and that results in communication problems? No, it’s symptomatic of the tendency to treat other people as their gender, rather than as individuals, and to impute things they do to their gender. I don’t think that’s helpful. While I recognize (as I said) that this thread is in fun, I think it’s important to recognize that belief in these things (and god knows we’ve all heard them stated _seriously_) causes very worrisome problems in interacting with the other gender. I don’t think it’s particularly mean-spirited (bitter, yes – lots of people in both threads have said as much). I just find the concept of “man-speak” and “women-speak” disturbing and unhelpful, and I think it’s important to take the opportunity to problematize these kinds of beliefs. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/67 "2005-04-26T23:24:12Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > You know, we would actually believe that _if the whining were happening in both threads_. But it’s not - it’s just happening in this one. [for the benefit of people who aren’t reading both of these threads](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6098634&postcount=43) ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/68 "2005-04-26T23:26:33Z")
> [@Tastes of Chocolate](#): > > So, now you can all go back to your no-girls-allowed treehouse with the secret handshake, and I can go back to ignoring these threads. WOOHOO!!! Game On, Guys! ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/69 "2005-04-26T23:27:44Z")
> [@Happy Scrappy Hero Pup](#): > > You can see when the toilet lid is up if the lights are on. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of going to the bathroom without turning the lights on and dipping my cheeks in the water. My father was very bad about leaving the seat up. I didn’t turn the lights on because it would have blinded me. Tell me that you haven’t gone to the bathroom with the lights out. I have never gone to the bathroom with the lights out. Even during a power outage, I light a candle. The idea of the toilet is that I avoid getting my various waste products on non-toilet areas in my house; I am willing, nay, _eager_ to help the toilet in this quest. I’ve never, ever, understood the whole leaving-the-toilet-seat-up complaint. (Reason 8,421 that it’s a good thing I’m on the other team). Seriously: you’re pulling down your pants and sitting your bare ass down on something without looking to see what you’re sitting on, and somehow that makes _me_ the jerk? I’m not an overly-conscientious person, but I like to think that I’m completely aware of what I’m putting my naked self against at all times. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/70 "2005-04-26T23:28:02Z")
> [@Stuffy](#): > > Notice anything different me? > _Because see I’ve parted my hair a millimiter to the left, and I’ve plucked 4 eyebrows and drew them back in, and instead of my normal cherry lipstick, it’s strawberry. Come on, I’m a new woman!!!_ If I tell you this got a big ol’ guffaw outta me, will I appear less dainty and demure? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![margin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@margin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/margin)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/71 "2005-04-26T23:29:39Z")
> [@](#): > > You know, we would actually believe that if the whining were happening in both threads. But it’s not - it’s just happening in this one. It’s kind of interesting that this one is a third again as long. And that it’s called whining. ---
**Author:** ![Scarface\_Z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Scarface\_Z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarface_Z)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/72 "2005-04-26T23:33:19Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > Tell me that you haven’t gone to the bathroom with the lights out. Would it really be so hard to reach down and see if the seat is up? That’s what I would do, should the situation arise. You’re just going to wash your hands afterwards anyway, I hope. (Putting aside for the moment that the toilet seat is probably cleaner than the sponge or something) Lighten up, miscommunication is practically the life-blood of couples therapy. I think we’re poking fun at miscommunication more than we are women. And there’s nothing wrong with poking fun. Og knows, life would be much more enjoyable if people could learn to just sit back and laugh at their problems once in a while. (Not that I’m saying women are a problem; miscommunication is a problem. Phew, caught that one just in time.) ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/73 "2005-04-26T23:34:29Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > I’m completely aware of what I’m putting my naked self against at all times. I assume we’re not counting Dopefest after-parties? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/74 "2005-04-27T00:25:28Z")
Ummmmm… SolGrundy, I’m not sure what happened there, but what you’re saying I said, I did not say. I _was_ quoting it to make fun of it, much like you are, but I am not a woman, nor do I urinate sitting down. I was actually quoting **Elysian** , then using what I understood to be the format of the game to put my interpretation of her woman-speak in italics afterward. Please direct your scorn at **Elysian**. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/75 "2005-04-27T00:37:47Z")
> [@Happy Scrappy Hero Pup](#): > > Ummmmm… SolGrundy, I’m not sure what happened there, but what you’re saying I said, I did not say. Whoops, you’re absolutely correct. I totally missed the bit in italics. I did wonder why you’d be complaining about leaving the toilet seat up, because that’s something only _women_ do. Bitter, hateful, _duplicitous_ women, which of course they _all_ are. > [@Troy McClure SF](#): > > I assume we’re not counting Dopefest after-parties? Wait… did I do something at the Phoenix Hotel I was too drunk to remember? More importantly: was I good? ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/76 "2005-04-27T00:42:21Z")
> [@Scarface Z](#): > > “I’m handling this one very well” + “Well, it is all about me, you know” > Why aren’t any other women backing me up? Some of us are too busy laughing our asses off. 😃 (I want to marry **FinnAgain** and **Shodan** , which like, almost never happens). “It’s not you, it’s me.” _You’re a great person who treats me right and have done nothing wrong, so I feel guilty that whenever you touch me I want to vomit. Frankly at this point I don’t care if you think it’s you, just go sit over there and leave me the hell alone._ ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/77 "2005-04-27T01:46:48Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > You can see when the toilet lid is up if the lights are on. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of going to the bathroom without turning the lights on and dipping my cheeks in the water. My father was very bad about leaving the seat up. I didn’t turn the lights on because it would have blinded me. Tell me that you haven’t gone to the bathroom with the lights out. There’s this thing called a ‘night-light’. They sell for about $2 at S-Mart. It’s a different game with your parents, of course. But in a relationship with a lover, if there’s a choice between bitching about a problem, or paying $2 to make the problem go away, that’s a no-brainer. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/78 "2005-04-27T01:54:43Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > [for the benefit of people who aren’t reading both of these threads](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6098634&postcount=43) Yes! Posted a full three hours after my quoted post, but still, at least you brought this special brand of mulishness over to both threads. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/79 "2005-04-27T01:54:57Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > I’ve never, ever, understood the whole leaving-the-toilet-seat-up complaint. Well, **Sol** , you don’t have to be “on the other team” to think this whole toilet seat bruhaha is completely absurd. I’m a heterosexual woman, and I agree with you completely. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108/80 "2005-04-27T01:58:41Z")
I can see why this thread wouldn’t be funny to everyone. But surely we can agree–this wasn’t written in the spirit of “51% of the human population pulls these conversational shenanigans.” Of course not _all_ women talk this way. But enough of them do to make it ring true to a number of readers. Myself included. I’ve been guilty of a few of these myself. One of these days my husband may have an aneurism over me (once again) saying “Oh, I don’t care where we eat!” but then shooting down the next five restaurant suggestions he makes. That doesn’t mean I’m being tarred with all of these examples. I hope. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/decoding-woman-speak/301108.md?page=5)