# Deconstructing Blowjobs **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 21, 2006, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543 "2006-06-21T05:12:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2006, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/41 "2006-06-24T02:00:58Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] Can somebody paraphrase the article for me? I can’t seem to wade through all the finger-pointing and accusations of somebody enjoying themselves and not self-flagellating properly. [/QUOTE] Eh, all I ended up with is: Blowjobs are bad because it’s patriarchal. Or something. Women who give blowjobs only do it because they’re being threatened by a patriarchy. Or something. Women who say they like giving blowjobs are just brainwashed by the patriarchy. Or something. Most of these women don’t want to have anything at all to do with dick. Period. I could’ve been missing something important, but it’s hard for me to read properly when my eyes are rolling at 4500 rpm. YMMV. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2006, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/42 "2006-06-24T03:22:16Z")
[QUOTE=SmartAleq] Eh, all I ended up with is: Blowjobs are bad because it’s patriarchal. Or something. Women who give blowjobs only do it because they’re being threatened by a patriarchy. Or something. Women who say they like giving blowjobs are just brainwashed by the patriarchy. Or something. Most of these women don’t want to have anything at all to do with dick. Period. I could’ve been missing something important, but it’s hard for me to read properly when my eyes are rolling at 4500 rpm. YMMV. 😉 [/QUOTE] [Well… Here’s what she says after a bazillion women told her she was full of shit](http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/) > [@](#): > > I must have been insane to question the degrading sexual theatrics that are every woman’s birthright, when the mastery of these theatrics is her invitation to life’s rich feast. It is a well-known fact that most women spring from their beds every morning singing, “O I hope I can blow some dude today!” That poor dumbass who wrote to Flea asking for help in controlling her gagging was just an anomaly. > > We all know that in a patriarchy, (and by ‘patriarchy’ I mean a social order in which all women are subject, by universal agreement, to all men), on accounta the power differential, all relationships with men are inherently inequitable. > > Except, it turns out, relationships wherein women suck cock! That’s when patriarchy miraculously recedes into the aether and male privilege becomes a distant memory! No woman was ever so free as the woman with a mouth full of throbbing gristle! How could I have been so blind? Less blaming and more cocksucking, that’s my new motto! Mystery solved! The struggle is over > > Flea—how I admire Flea; no erudite dildopreneur was ever so hilarious—actually gets email asking for sex advice. I can only imagine the degree to which such a thing enhances her quality of life. My envy is pronounced. I myself am never called upon to opine on intimate matters. Which is probably just as well, since my reply to every question would undoubtedly be “Dump him!” > > Anyway, in response to one such email, Flea has a post up containing second-party information on how to perform a blow job without gagging. > > Flame me if you will, but I posit nevertheless that no woman, since the dawn of the patriarchal co-option of human sexuality, has ever actually enjoyed this submissive sexbot drudgery. There’s a reason that deep-throating a funk-filled bratwurst makes a person retch.\* > > How dare I presume to impugn the sanctity of a woman’s right to the blow job? I do so mostly on accounta I will get a big bang out of the impassioned arguments defending it Regardless of her antipathy toward male kind and the paddling she received from other women for her arrogant presumption, I kind of like her. She’s spunky! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2006, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/43 "2006-06-24T05:33:44Z")
Gosh. For me, it’s a power trip. See, for the rest of the time during sex (at least the sex I had) the guy is making himself happy with my body. I can facilitate that to some extent, but when I… have my hand on the throttle, so to speak… I get to decide what happens. What he feels. I can make the experience intense or teasing or slow and languid. Real oral sex isn’t like porn videos. If done right it’s like playing the violin and knowing just when to hasten or slow your movements, how to finely tune them to get just the effect you want… Heh. I miss this stuff. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2006, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/44 "2006-06-24T16:23:01Z")
[QUOTE=Little Plastic Ninja] If done right it’s like playing the violin and knowing just when to hasten or slow your movements, how to finely tune them to get just the effect you want… [/QUOTE] I think I love you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2006, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/45 "2006-06-24T19:42:10Z")
[QUOTE=SmartAleq] Eh, all I ended up with is: Blowjobs are bad because it’s patriarchal. Or something. Women who give blowjobs only do it because they’re being threatened by a patriarchy. Or something. Women who say they like giving blowjobs are just brainwashed by the patriarchy. Or something. Most of these women don’t want to have anything at all to do with dick. Period. I could’ve been missing something important, but it’s hard for me to read properly when my eyes are rolling at 4500 rpm. YMMV. 😉 [/QUOTE] Ah, thanks. That’s kinda what I figured. So, if blowjobs are bad, then cunnilingus is right out? Or is it the opposite - men are supposed to go down on women all the time, and nothing else? I’m so confused. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/46 "2006-06-25T01:33:37Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] Ah, thanks. That’s kinda what I figured. So, if blowjobs are bad, then cunnilingus is right out? Or is it the opposite - men are supposed to go down on women all the time, and nothing else? I’m so confused. 😕 [/QUOTE] I think women are supposed to go down on women. Escape the patriarchy, y’know. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/47 "2006-06-25T02:23:35Z")
I love when “feminists” try to free me from the patriarchy by telling what do (and think and feel). Oh yeah that’s much better…but i give her credit for making “Less blaming more cocksucking” my new motto, and putting dildopreneur into my vocabulary. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/48 "2006-06-25T04:34:37Z")
These damned extremists will never make it to samadhi, I’m just sayin’… there’s yin AND yang, blowjobs AND cunnilingus, vanilla AND um, well, interesting Friday nights–ya gotta have both energies to make the world work right. For every couple of ladies doin’ the old Stanley Steemer on each other there’s a couple of happy queer boys gobbling knob and with the hets diddling in the middle we ensure a proper flow of energy through the cosmos. Perturb this at your peril, because entropy is nobody’s friend. So to all the fellatio haters I just hafta say, “SUCK IT!” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/49 "2006-06-25T09:26:39Z")
> [@patriarchy blamer](#): > > Flame me if you will, but I posit nevertheless that no woman, since the dawn of the patriarchal co-option of human sexuality, has ever actually enjoyed this submissive sexbot drudgery. There’s a reason that deep-throating a funk-filled bratwurst makes a person retch.\* And regrettable, no amount of testimony from women who do enjoy it, and don’t consider it “submissive sexbot drudgery”, will ever be allowed to cloud her worldview. > [@patriarchy blamer](#): > > How dare I presume to impugn the sanctity of a woman’s right to the blow job? I do so mostly on accounta I will get a big bang out of the impassioned arguments defending it . Ah. We’re back in billy-goat-gruff territory after all. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/50 "2006-06-25T12:49:11Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] I think women are supposed to go down on women. Escape the patriarchy, y’know. 😉 [/QUOTE] –grumble grumble-- goddamned lesbians. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/51 "2006-06-25T14:17:01Z")
I remember this song. I was told the same thing about orgasms from the fine people at Ms. Controlled by the patriarchy. Check Brainwashed into thinking I like it by the patriarchy. Check Complicit in the subjugation of women because I defend the patriarchy by refusing to break out of their brainwashing and control. Check You don’t even want to know how it goes when you tell these nut cases that the only ones insisting on controlling what all women do are feminists who cling to the belief that all women are victims and that they’re doing you an extreme disservice by trying to take away your freedom. Take my word for it, it gets really messy. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/52 "2006-06-25T17:33:56Z")
Well, but you see, if it’s _The Wrong Thing_, then it doesn’t matter if nobody gets hurt and everyone involved is a willing informed consenting adult, or even if the individuals benefit, it’s not “freedom” to do it, tolerating it is harmful for the collective, and anyone arguing the contrary is perversely contradicting Absolute Revealed Truth. I wonder if Ms. Neversuck grasps that she is being basically a Religious Fundamentalist over fellatio. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/53 "2006-06-25T17:40:34Z")
[QUOTE=SmartAleq] \there’s yin AND yang, blowjobs AND cunnilingus, vanilla AND um, well, interesting Friday nights–ya gotta have both energies to make the world work right. For every couple of ladies doin’ the old Stanley Steemer on each other there’s a couple of happy queer boys gobbling knob and with the hets diddling in the middle we ensure a proper flow of energy through the cosmos. Perturb this at your peril, because entropy is nobody’s friend.\ [/QUOTE] If I didn’t already have the best sig in the world, this would totally be going at the end of my posts. This is sheer poetry. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2006, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543/54 "2006-06-26T04:18:38Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] If I didn’t already have the best sig in the world, this would totally be going at the end of my posts. This is sheer poetry. [/QUOTE] Why thank you! 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deconstructing-blowjobs/361543.md?page=2)