# Deep Thoughts by Dopers **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 14, 2016, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911 "2016-09-14T04:41:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/1 "2016-09-14T04:41:19Z")
I wish I was like the celebrities I see on billboards: Beautiful, rich, and large enough to step over an overpass. When I was a kid, I was always picked last for dodgeball. But scabs are never picked at all. Maybe that’s why I have always felt marginally superior to scabs. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/2 "2016-09-14T05:14:34Z")
I believe in putting all my eggs in one basket. If you put them in two baskets, then both your hands are tied up and what with opening doors and carrying them from the hen house, you are likely to drop one of the baskets. Now all of your eggs are in one basket anyway, only there’s only half as many of them. Plus you are probably all agitated because you dropped the first basket, making it more likely you drop the second basket. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/3 "2016-09-14T05:22:03Z")
When you have a disagreement with someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you end up a mile away, and you have their shoes. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/4 "2016-09-14T05:54:01Z")
> [@Askance](#): > > The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. If the early bird gets the worm what is the motivation for the early worm? ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/5 "2016-09-14T10:03:49Z")
Sometimes you do everything right and they still die. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/6 "2016-09-14T11:03:28Z")
I was jealous of my friend who was banging his teacher, then I remembered he was homeschooled. ---
**Author:** ![WildBlueYonder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ce7236/32.png) [@WildBlueYonder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildBlueYonder)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/7 "2016-09-14T11:43:45Z")
I hate lottery winners! Why cant I win, arent I next in line? ---
**Author:** ![inscrutable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a88e4f/32.png) [@inscrutable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inscrutable)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/8 "2016-09-14T11:55:24Z")
Late to bed, late to rise makes a woman sick, poor, and dumb. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/9 "2016-09-14T12:00:17Z")
When life gives you eggplant, make eggs! Plant those suckers, water well, cover with peat and soon you’ll be scrambling to find some bacon. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/10 "2016-09-14T12:08:43Z")
What screws up traffic are the idiots in front of me that go too slow, and the assholes in back of me that ride my ass. Most traffic problems would be solved if they would just switch places. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/11 "2016-09-14T12:14:40Z")
I give you Anna Kendrick’s [Shower Thought’s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0wUwHIIg2A). I believe they’re based on a similar bit Nick Offerman did and as much as I like Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman can be kind of an ass. I only made it a few chapters into his book and had to put it down. So I’m not linking to it, but it’s probably a related video if you want to watch it. Oh and ‘what if rocks are actually soft and squishy but only tense up when you touch them’? ---
**Author:** ![I\_wasn\_t\_truly\_absent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4da419/32.png) [@I\_wasn\_t\_truly\_absent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_wasn_t_truly_absent)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/12 "2016-09-14T12:18:06Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > If the early bird gets the worm what is the motivation for the early worm? in worm lore they’re very much encouraged to be late;) ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/13 "2016-09-14T12:28:47Z")
> [@Askance](#): > > When you have a disagreement with someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you end up a mile away, and you have their shoes. > [@kayaker](#): > > I was jealous of my friend who was banging his teacher, then I remembered he was homeschooled. I may be wrong, but I believe the OP was looking for original deep thoughts. mmm ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/14 "2016-09-14T12:43:23Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I may be wrong, but I believe the OP was looking for original deep thoughts. > mmm Are there any _truly original_ deep thoughts on a planet where 110 billion or so people have existed? ETA: I’ve wondered for a while about home-school peculiarities that never make the news. I’m glad someone else has apparently considered the possibilities. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/15 "2016-09-14T13:19:07Z")
Every dog has his day. Tomorrow, for example, is the property of Sir Fluffington Rowsby, a labradoodle-chihuaua cross who lives with a disability pensioner on a cul-de-sac in Port Adelaide. Sadly, all notifications of this event have gone unread. Always check your Google alerts, people ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/16 "2016-09-14T16:08:18Z")
It’s a good practice to always burn your bridges, that way people can’t sneak up behind you and bite you in the ass. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/17 "2016-09-14T16:55:00Z")
What is the problem with the meek inheriting the earth? They’re meek, we can just take it back from them. What are they going to do about it? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/18 "2016-09-14T17:10:09Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > If the early bird gets the worm what is the motivation for the early worm? > **[Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - App](https://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3718)** > > Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - App ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/19 "2016-09-14T17:18:58Z")
I felt bad about having no shoes ( Thanks for that **Askance** ) until I met a man with no legs and I thought what the hell is someone doing with another guy’s legs? ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2016, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911/20 "2016-09-14T18:10:08Z")
I had a Deep Thought once, and I said to myself, “That might come in Handy!” As it turns out it was in a Handy book. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deep-thoughts-by-dopers/765911.md?page=2)