# Define "Purple Muffin" **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [July 3, 2008, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139 "2008-07-03T02:40:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/1 "2008-07-03T02:40:14Z")
I’m working as a camp counselor this week in MO, and some of the kids are using the term “purple muffin” and not telling myself and one of the other counselors what it means (some other counselors are conspiring against us as well). The best I can gather is that it works as a general synonym for “lame,” at least some of the time, but it’s apparently a pretty versatile word. Help me beat them at their own game! ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/2 "2008-07-03T02:45:28Z")
[Purple Muffin](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=purple+muffin): > [@Urban Dictionary](#): > > A slang for ass-turtle or crump-stick I have no idea what ass-turtle or crump-stick mean. Ass-turtle is not defined and crump-stick refers back to ass-turtle and purple muffin. ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/3 "2008-07-03T02:46:58Z")
[Try this](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=purple+muffin). ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/4 "2008-07-03T02:51:18Z")
Yeah, the Urban Dictionary has failed me, as have a few Google searches. Come on Teeming Millions!!! ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/5 "2008-07-03T03:02:42Z")
[Found it!!!](http://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/2006-February/001301.html) ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/6 "2008-07-03T03:10:41Z")
You’re overthinking this. It’s an “in” term these kids are playing around with that means everything and nothing. One of the key attributes of the term is probably precisely that it has no set meaning. Another is that it drives non-“in” people (such as yourself) insane trying to work out what it means. My six year old and his friend currently use the term “spessuraspess” in all manner of confusing ways. When I was a kid, we went through a time when everything was “tishlemack” (which derived from “camelshit” backwards). ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/7 "2008-07-03T03:15:18Z")
[QUOTE=Eonwe] [Found it!!!](http://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/2006-February/001301.html) [/QUOTE] > [@](#): > > In a bare bones telling, it can run two or three minutes long. I have managed in the past to stretch it near twenty. The very definition of a shaggy dog story. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/8 "2008-07-03T03:16:37Z")
I like to say ‘sack’. ‘The freeway was sacked.’ ‘The sackin’ thing fell apart!’ ‘Aw, sack!’ ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/9 "2008-07-03T04:09:54Z")
[QUOTE=Exapno Mapcase] The very definition of a shaggy dog story. [/QUOTE] The version I knew as a kid was “Purple Feather”. The same shaggy dog thing–how long could you keep the other person half interested in the saga of a person getting in trouble for asking about it, culminating in his getting hit by a car. And the the ‘punchline’: “And do you know what the moral of that story is?” “No?” “Look both ways before you cross the street.” Then you _ran_. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/10 "2008-07-03T04:14:27Z")
I’m thinking a cross between muffin top and purple nurple, but the logistics would seem to be a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/11 "2008-07-03T04:39:43Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] I’m thinking a cross between muffin top and purple nurple, but the logistics would seem to be a problem. [/QUOTE] Not if s/he’s large and braless, and the jeans are way too tight. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/12 "2008-07-03T04:51:28Z")
I like your thinking. (But not _that_ way. :rolleyes: ) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/13 "2008-07-03T11:44:06Z")
Not related to the current usage (I tyhink), but I once made purple muffins for an April Fool’s Day dinner, by judicious use of food coloring. Despite the fact that they were perfectly normal in all other respects, no one ate them. They didn’t eat the odd-colored mashed potatoes, either. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/14 "2008-07-03T13:22:25Z")
Before I opened the thread my guess was that it meant the head of a penis. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/15 "2008-07-03T13:28:48Z")
[QUOTE=Snarky\_Kong] Before I opened the thread my guess was that it meant the head of a penis. [/QUOTE] I thought the same thing but was too embarassed to mention it. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/16 "2008-07-03T19:13:37Z")
You’ll find a purple muffin above the fruited plain. It’s majestic! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/17 "2008-07-03T19:22:14Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m working as a camp counselor this week in MO, and some of the kids are using the term “purple muffin” and not telling myself and one of the other counselors what it means (some other counselors are conspiring against us as well). What does “purple muffin” mean? It means you’re one of the grown-ups now. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/18 "2008-07-03T19:38:39Z")
[QUOTE=CalMeacham] Not related to the current usage (I tyhink), but I once made purple muffins for an April Fool’s Day dinner, by judicious use of food coloring. Despite the fact that they were perfectly normal in all other respects, no one ate them. They didn’t eat the odd-colored mashed potatoes, either. [/QUOTE] Dad made Green Eggs (scrambled) and Ham for breakfast once when I was a tot. I made a dash for the Cap’n Crunch that morning. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/19 "2008-07-03T19:52:53Z")
**Amp’s** post cracks me up. When did I get so old?!? ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2008, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139/20 "2008-07-03T22:32:26Z")
[QUOTE=CalMeacham] Not related to the current usage (I tyhink), but I once made purple muffins for an April Fool’s Day dinner, by judicious use of food coloring. Despite the fact that they were perfectly normal in all other respects, no one ate them. [/QUOTE] Make some blueberry muffins from Pilsbury’s blueberry muffin mix. Just don’t drain the can of blueberries but use the juice as a substitute for the water/milk. It makes 12 purple/blue/green blueberry muffins that look like way too much mold and algae covering them. Turns people off. However, the flavor is wonderful. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-purple-muffin/455139.md?page=2)