Discuss. 😉
Esprix
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### Author:  [@avalongod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/avalongod)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/2 "2003-02-13T22:28:20Z")
I assume that you are asking for our personal beliefs, not necessarily an elucidation of the Platonic ideal of sex (sort of the like the hypothetical perfect circle.) In that case I would include any penetration of the mouth/vagina/anus by the penis, but also including cunnilinguous. I would say those that digitally stimulate each other can still call themselves virgins, but I suppose others may feel differently
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### Author:  [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/3 "2003-02-13T22:41:57Z")
Interesting question.
For myself, I’m inclined to say that anything directly involving intentionally sexual contact with my primary erogenous zones (and another person) counts as sex.
Since I’ve never had any of that, still a virgin. 😃
But, I think it’s not something that can be nailed down so easily. Everyone views such intimate matters differently.
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### Author:  [@Mothchunks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mothchunks)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/4 "2003-02-13T23:02:29Z")
if there are any genitals involved, it’s sex. Kissing, for example, is not sex.
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### Author:  [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/5 "2003-02-13T23:02:33Z")
I’m pretty sure it has to involve genitals somewhere.
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/6 "2003-02-13T23:04:45Z")
[Jerry Seinfeld]I would say, when the nipple makes its first appearance.[/Seinfeld]
I would agree with **SisterCoyote’s** definition. Any physical contact, especially invloving genitalia, engaged in for the purpose of erotic gratification.
or
Whatever you wouldn’t do with your mother.
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### Author:  [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/7 "2003-02-13T23:06:38Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by avalongod \*
> \*\*I would say those that digitally stimulate each other can still call themselves virgins, but I suppose others may feel differently \*\*
This would be referring to cybersex? 😉
Actually, though that’s meant as a joke, where would long-distance sex fall into the definition? Cybersex? E-mail sex? Phone sex? Where is the line drawn for these sorts of activities?
Personally, I’m not convinced that there is a line, but that’s me…
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### Author:  [@avalongod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/avalongod)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/8 "2003-02-13T23:21:23Z")
No, I wouldn’t consider cybersex or phonesex to be sex. Someone somewhere has to be physically bumping nasties with you.
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### Author:  [@Abe\_User](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_User)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/9 "2003-02-14T00:38:50Z")
Sex is only intercourse under the covers in the missionary position with the shades drawn and the lights off.
Everything else is defined by OED as _doing tha nasty_!
🆒
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### Author:  [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/10 "2003-02-14T21:42:27Z")
Sex (AFAIC) is stimulation of the good-feelin’ parts, regardless of whether it is to orgasm or not.
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### Author:  [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/11 "2003-02-14T21:46:19Z")
[Clerks}
36 dicks!?
[/Clerks]
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### Author:  [@SC\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SC_Wolf)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/12 "2003-02-14T21:55:17Z")
[QUOTE]
\*Originally posted by Avalonian \*
> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by avalongod_
> **I would say those that digitally stimulate each other can still call themselves virgins, but I suppose others may feel differently**
> \*\*This would be referring to cybersex? 😉
> \*\*
At the risk of being wooshed, I’d just like to say that in this context “digitally” means “via the digits”, i.e. good old fashioned use of the fingers. :rolleyes:
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### Author:  [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/13 "2003-02-14T21:56:14Z")
Some of you have mentioned that you would include oral sex in the definition of sex. However, does this only count as sex for the one recieving it? What about the one giving it? Does it make any difference?
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### Author:  [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/14 "2003-02-14T22:34:50Z")
I like to define sex as involving both (assuming it’s two people) parties’ genitals in contact with one another, orgasm or not.
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### Author:  [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/15 "2003-02-14T22:51:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Joe K \*
> \*\*I like to define sex as involving both (assuming it’s two people) parties’ genitals in contact with one another, orgasm or not. \*\*
So anal intercourse isn’t sex, but penis fencing is?
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### Author:  [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/16 "2003-02-14T23:39:07Z")
**Esprix** , thanks for starting this. After my disasterous Pit thread, I wanted to start a thread along these lines, but hestitated because of how badly that one turned out.
It always struck me as wrong that women who were raped were considered to be non-virgins even if that rape was their only sexual experience. While they certainly know all the horrors of sex, they know none of the good points. To me, it’s like lumping someone who’d been on a plane that was hijacked to Cuba and saw no more of Cuba than the airport with someone who had visited the place on vacation. They’re two entirely different things, IMHO.
I’d have to say that **SisterCoyote** pretty much nailed the definition.
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### Author:  [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)
#### Post date: [February 15, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/17 "2003-02-15T00:09:35Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by SC\_Wolf \*
> \*\*At the risk of being wooshed, I’d just like to say that in this context “digitally” means “via the digits”, i.e. good old fashioned use of the fingers. :rolleyes: \*\*
Sarcasm never plays well over the web, does it? I thought the winky-smile would have covered the fact that I knew perfectly well what you meant, but was amused that you used the word “digitally” in a digital bulletin board.
Do I really need to point out that I used “digital” in two different ways in my last sentence?
_sigh_ Never mind.
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### Author:  [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)
#### Post date: [February 15, 2003, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/18 "2003-02-15T00:15:57Z")
How about this for a definition of sex:
**Sex is good, though all good things are not necessarily sex. But a lot of them are.**
Too vague for most, I’m sure, but at least it excludes rape…
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### Author:  [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)
#### Post date: [February 15, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/19 "2003-02-15T00:38:33Z")
IIRC, on “Will and Grace” they were counting the number of partners they each had, and their standard was “how you lost your virginity.”
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### Author:  [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)
#### Post date: [February 15, 2003, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/define-sex/154937/20 "2003-02-15T00:48:48Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \*
> [BI’d have to say that **SisterCoyote** pretty much nailed the definition. \*\*
This is a beautiful statement, considering the topic.
I would say that at least one person’s genitals should be involved. In other words, I wouldn’t count being digitally stimulated by my boyfriend as “sex”. Sexual contact for sure, but I sure as heck considered myself a virgin afterwards.
Seems like “penetration” would seem to be necessary, yet I can still think of situations where even that wouldn’t be necessary (i.e. “sex” between two women).
I think what colors my judgement is that oral sex was something I experienced _after_ I experienced genital sex. So I probably would hesitate to call someone who has only performed/received oral sex as “not a virgin”. But it seems like a real fine technicality.
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