# Definitions of Nice Guy **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 20, 2012, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655 "2012-11-20T23:45:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/41 "2012-11-22T02:43:25Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > This male perception is not universal. I didn’t say it was. It does seem pretty common however. ---
**Author:** ![Modern\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/42 "2012-11-22T02:50:41Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I think that women who use this kind of rhetoric are just feeding the male perception that women want men who are jerks & thugs. An English professor always told me to use the word “some” in front of “people” when a statement is not universal. I think SOME people misunderstood what you said because you didn’t do that. Semantics, am i right? 😃 > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I didn’t say it was. It does seem pretty common however. It seems pretty common… with women who have the maturity-level of a middle school girl. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/43 "2012-11-22T02:58:27Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I didn’t say it was. It does seem pretty common however. Again, this must be a difference between your and my experiences and what we hear and read. I do not see or hear of this being common at all. Different types of friends, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/44 "2012-11-22T03:00:01Z")
A Nice Guy thinks that things that you do for a woman are coins you’re plunking to a machine which will eventually dispense sex. A nice guy describes himself as something else - as somebody else said, as an engineer, as a nerd, as a musician, as a guy who likes board games. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/45 "2012-11-22T03:03:07Z")
I think I’d rather meet the guy who describes himself as a Nice Guy than the guy who describes himself as a guy who likes board games though. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/46 "2012-11-22T03:13:46Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > A passive-aggressive guy who never gets laid. > [@Dublin11](#): > > If other people call you a nice guy, then it means you are a man who is nice and because you are nice, people like you. > > If you call **yourself** a nice guy, it generally means you are right old whining ninny who witters on incessantly about life not being fair because you can’t seem to get what you think you are owed. > People tend not to like you. > None of those people will call you a nice guy, because they don’t think you are nice at all. They think you are a gigantico pain in the arse. > [@Zsofia](#): > > A Nice Guy thinks that things that you do for a woman are coins you’re plunking to a machine which will eventually dispense sex. > > A nice guy describes himself as something else - as somebody else said, as an engineer, as a nerd, as a musician, as a guy who likes board games. These ring true in my experience. There’s a female equivalent: “I’m a really sweet person.” It seems to mean “I speak a couple octaves above my register in order to inspire protective feelings, toss terms of endearment around in order to ingratiate myself to others, and generally make a display of being accommodating in order to manipulate others into doing favors for me.” If someone says “She’s a sweet person” she is. If she says “I’m a sweet person” you might want to take a step back and wait for that to bear out. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/47 "2012-11-22T03:13:52Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I think I’d rather meet the guy who describes himself as a Nice Guy than the guy who describes himself as a guy who likes board games though. Crap. There goes that chance. …says the guy who plays Scrabble in Esperanto. Yes, with other people. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/48 "2012-11-22T03:34:10Z")
There’s a relevant(?) description in the song “Stranger in Blue Suede Shoes” by Kevin Ayers: _He gave me a smile that was sickly and wet And I offered him one of my “cigarettes.” He took it, afraid that he might appear rude, And proceeded to serve me some second-class food. Nice guys…meet 'em everywhere._ ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/49 "2012-11-22T03:41:29Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Crap. There goes that chance. > > …says the guy who plays Scrabble in Esperanto. Yes, with other people. 🙂 Do you use the regular point totals that are on the tiles, or is the letter frequency in Esperanto different enough that they need to be changed? I mean, I hate board games. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/50 "2012-11-22T09:27:29Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Some Nice Guys started out just regular nice guys and then got all bitter because they couldn’t get women. But the reason they couldn’t get women may have just been that they were ugly or boring. Regular nice guys can get women just fine. (Not ME, but that’s a story for another day.) That’s not true. There are plenty of “Genuine NGs” I know that struggle with women and the dating thing. I’ve said it on threads here before but I do think that in general guys are very bad at dating, and lack confidence, until the point where they have a very positive experience e.g. mutual infatuation (regardless if the relationship ends badly). But to get that positive experience, while still lacking confidence, you need a little luck. That’s my theory. Note also that there isn’t just one confidence here; you can lack confidence in dating but be confident elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/51 "2012-11-22T09:50:25Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > That’s not true. There are plenty of “Genuine NGs” I know that struggle with women and the dating thing. > > I’ve said it on threads here before but I do think that in general guys are very bad at dating, and lack confidence, until the point where they have a very positive experience e.g. mutual infatuation (regardless if the relationship ends badly). > But to get that positive experience, while still lacking confidence, you need a little luck. That’s my theory. > > Note also that there isn’t just one confidence here; you can lack confidence in dating but be confident elsewhere. I don’t know, I’m just looking at my female family members. They all (with the exception of me and my little sister, and I think I’m blamed for her taste in men) date really nice men. It’s not some struggle for them; they don’t even see the possible appeal of jerks. I know, because it’s made them be assholes about my bad experiences with abusive men. My older sister is very pretty and delightful and she only likes nice men and none of them have seemed a bit desperate for the ladiez. And they’re not supermodels either. Just regular, nice men who are also reasonably fun and interesting to be around. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/52 "2012-11-22T10:01:48Z")
I’d define it like this: A nice guy does nice things for a woman for her benefit. A Nice Guy does nice things for a woman for his benefit. Being a Nice Guy is like inviting a friend over for dinner so you can give them a multilevel marketing spiel. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/53 "2012-11-22T11:07:32Z")
> [@Modern\_Master](#): > > An English professor always told me to use the word “some” in front of “people” when a statement is not universal. I think SOME people misunderstood what you said because you didn’t do that. I used to do that sort of thing, back before I joined the SDMB; people kept accusing me of using “weasel words”. So I stopped doing so as much, and now people accuse me of being too certain or using a broad brush. You just can’t win sometimes… ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/54 "2012-11-22T12:43:33Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I don’t know, I’m just looking at my female family members. They all (with the exception of me and my little sister, and I think I’m blamed for her taste in men) date really nice men. It’s not some struggle for them; they don’t even see the possible appeal of jerks. I know, because it’s made them be assholes about my bad experiences with abusive men. > > My older sister is very pretty and delightful and she only likes nice men and none of them have seemed a bit desperate for the ladiez. And they’re not supermodels either. Just regular, nice men who are also reasonably fun and interesting to be around. Yeah but you went much further than this. You said: “Regular nice guys can get women just fine”. It’s just not true; it’s akin to saying “People who work hard don’t have money troubles”. And the observation that girls you know date nice guys doesn’t refute that. I mentioned the luck thing because I see that very often. That guys who are in an environment where they rarely meet women, struggle, unless they’re very experienced already (and sure, you can go salsa dancing, say, but it’s not the same as meeting women through mutual friends, or at work). ---
**Author:** ![Dave\_Hartwick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/55 "2012-11-22T13:31:00Z")
A nice guy who is shy or a bore (for example) will have social problems, but probably fewer than a shy or boring jerk. Being nice is not a blocker to meeting women or getting ahead at work, in my opinion. On the contrary, I’ve known some sought-after guys who were genuinely considerate people. That’s pretty much my definition of “nice guy”; he’s considerate of others. There are some women and some jobs with whom and where being considerate would be a handicap, I guess. I take it as a compliment when somebody describes me as a nice guy. I’d have reservations if I found out somebody was describing me as “a nice enough guy” because when somebody is described like that, it’s usually followed with a flaw. “He’s a nice enough guy, but scatter-brained,” or “he’s a nice enough guy but you can’t trust him with women,” etc. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/56 "2012-11-22T13:39:33Z")
This topic seems to come around every few months. Its pretty simple. If you are shy, boring, passive, whiney,clingy, creepy or constantly complain, that’s not attractive. The fact that you may be superficially polite doesn’t make up for that. The other thing I are you nice guys going after nice girls? Or are you interested in the hot bimbos? Because if you aren’t good looking, don’t like to drink and do drugs and party till 4am, you might not have much in common ---
**Author:** ![thenonepercent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@thenonepercent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thenonepercent)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/57 "2012-11-22T13:44:20Z")
A nice guy: Some meek dude lacking in confidence and overall sexual appeal. ---
**Author:** ![Dave\_Hartwick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/58 "2012-11-22T21:32:10Z")
There’s a whole Wiki page about it, which I found pretty funny. Herold and Milhausen (1998) asked a sample of undergraduate women “You meet two men. One, John, is nice but somewhat shy. He has not had any sexual experience. The other, Mike, is attractive, a lot of fun, and has had intercourse with ten women. Both wish to date you. Whom do you choose?” 54% reported a preference for “John,” 18% preferred “Mike,” and the rest had no preference. Also, I understand this thread better. Zsofia was using a feminist definition of nice guy, which is just jerk spelled differently. Oh, and it looks like nice guys really might not do as well as jerks in terms of income. Maybe. Seems like all the research is inconclusive. It’s important to note, though, that they don’t finish last. No, that would be women. Women finish last. > **[Nice guy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy)** > > "Nice guy" is an informal term, commonly used with either a literal or a sarcastic meaning, for a man. > In the literal sense, the term describes a man who is agreeable, gentle, compassionate, sensitive and vulnerable. The term is used both positively and negatively. When used positively, and particularly when used as a preference or description by someone else, it is intended to imply a man who puts the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, provides emotional suppor... ---
**Author:** ![Modern\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/59 "2012-11-22T21:52:27Z")
> [@Dave\_Hartwick](#): > > 54% reported a preference for “John,” 18% preferred “Mike,” and the rest had no preference. I doubt they were being honest. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655/60 "2012-11-22T22:00:47Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > Yeah but you went much further than this. You said: “Regular nice guys can get women just fine”. It’s just not true; it’s akin to saying “People who work hard don’t have money troubles”. And the observation that girls you know date nice guys doesn’t refute that. Well, I was more talking about the fact that these nice men my relatives date don’t seem to have a problem finding women, it’s not like my relatives are some awesome exception to them. Of course, plenty of men–jerks or nice–have a problem finding women for other reasons. I totally get why a decent-but-annoying (or whatever his flaw) man would see assholes getting women and become bitter, and I’m not going to pretend there aren’t a significant number of women who do like assholes like some people here are, but from what I can see, a nice, decent-looking, interesting-enough guy does okay. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/definitions-of-nice-guy/641655.md?page=4)