# Deliver bad news to someone on (their) vacation or not? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 15, 2012, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273 "2012-06-15T19:17:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![oreally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7ab992/32.png) [@oreally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oreally)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/61 "2012-06-19T00:15:02Z")
Thx for clarification. That’s very different, obviously - I think the OP was presuming there are no specific instructions given on this beforehand. ---
**Author:** ![madrabbitwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@madrabbitwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madrabbitwoman)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/62 "2012-06-19T00:25:08Z")
And If I was the pet sitter you can be sure I would be getting that sort of info from the owner if it wasn’t originally provided. This is called responsibility ---
**Author:** ![oreally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7ab992/32.png) [@oreally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oreally)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/63 "2012-06-19T05:14:56Z")
No it’s called hindsight after reading this thread. 🙂 Honestly this is the kind of thing that comes up VERY rarely and so I suspect most people don’t even think about, and reasonably so. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2012, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/64 "2012-06-20T01:19:57Z")
I’m a pet sitter and have had pets pass while the owners are away. In each case the animals were old and in poor health so the owners were checking in with me on a regular basis anyway. It’s a hard situation to handle, and a hard phone call to make. I’ve sat and cried on the phone with them. I’ve also gone with clients when they needed to have their beloved pet put down. Very hard. Unless a client is somewhere unreachable or had made arrangements before hand I would always call them. ---
**Author:** ![Feyrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/fbc32d/32.png) [@Feyrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feyrat)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2012, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/65 "2012-06-20T05:07:43Z")
You tell them. Because they have the right to know. I actually had a very similar situation happen to me when I went camping a few years back. My dog was left with a friend who had a compatible dog - the two of them loved to play together. I told her repeatedly before I left that Zeffy _must_ be crated when she left the house, that she was not house-safe when unattended. Mostly, I was afraid of Zeffy flipping out and eating a couch or something, but she was told many times that Zeffy had to be crated, and we’d hauled her huge-ass crate with us over to the friend’s house. Only a few hours after we left, the friend decided to go grocery shopping. Zeffy and her dog were conked out on the couch, so she decided they were fine, and left. When she came back, one of the screens was popped out of her window and Zeffy was gone. I never saw her again. Granted, in this case the dog was still alive and maybe could have been helped. I was only a few hours away, and would have come back IMMEDIATELY to help search for my dog while she was still probably close to that area (we lived across town and across the river that runs through town, so even if Zeffy headed for home, she could not have reached it.) She also did not call my mother or vet (whose numbers she had) who could have reached me and/or organized a search (my mother has like, everyone in her church on speed dial and would have had a host of volunteers.) So I didn’t find out about it until she’d been missing for four days and we were home, sunburnt, dirty and tired to find out the 7 year old dog we’d had since she was 6 weeks old was gone. The vacation was ruined anyway, because it is forever tainted in our minds as the weekend we lost Zeffy. Finding out when we got home did not change that. > [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > Yeah, I’d tell right away because it seems way more weird to me to come home to no pet and hear that someone else took care of its body and everything. Some people might be weird about what they want done with the remains, so I’d want to find out their wishes. Exactly. Personally, I have my dogs and cats cremated. I have their ashes. If one of my cats or dogs died while I was on vacation and the petsitter not only didn’t tell me, but got rid of their body? I would be _pissed._ > [@oreally](#): > > If you can. I don’t think most vets will do that for very long and I’d bet many not at all. It’s not like they have a massive freezer in the back. Yes, they do have a massive freezer in the back. What do you think they do with the animals they euthanize? Most veterinarians will have your pet cremated or “disposed of” for you if you do not want the body back - those bodies go in the freezer and the cremation guys have a weekly pickup. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2012, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/66 "2012-06-20T16:18:09Z")
I would be white-hot-livid-rage pissed off if my pet died while I was on vacay and the person I left responsible for it didn’t bother to tell me. I like to be in control of my own choices, see, and someone else deciding how to dispose of my now-dead pet’s body would not sit well with me. That and not having the choice to decide if I want to cut my vacation short and come deal with my problem myself or adopt the “hey I can’t do anything about it now” attitude – what would make me the most angry is not being able to make that choice for myself. I was on vacation once while my landlady had some work done on my house. The cat-feeder and mail-picker-upper called me to warn me in advance that the contractors had torn up a bunch of plants in my garden. I would have been really angry had he not prepared me for destruction when I got home. Also, I had a grandparent die while I was on vacation. I chose to cut it short so I could attend the funeral. Because people bothered to tell me, at least I had a choice to make. All that said, when my dog got really, really old and sick, I stopped asking people to watch her and just stopped traveling. I didn’t want to put my friend and petsitter in that position to have to make a choice for me, so I just stayed with my dog until she finally had to be put down. We’d been through the same thing (my dogsitter and I) when his dogs got really old. I kept checking the old, decrepit one to see if he was still breathing. Finally, when my friend got home, I told him I love his dogs and I’d be happy to keep 'em anytime, for as long as he needed, but I couldn’t keep the old one anymore. I was afraid I’d have to make this very type of phone call, “Ummm… sorry, but I have some bad news about the dog…” So if there was a constellation of medical concerns and there was a chance the pet might die, I wouldn’t agree to keep it/watch it in the first place. But if someone was popping into my house twice a day to give the kitty his meds and found a dead cat, I want a phone call. Immediately. Because my instructions will be: take it down to the vet and drop it off, order a necropsy so I can put closure on it by finding out why it died, tell them to cremate the body and tell them I want the ashes back. Most likely, all they’d have to do is drop off a dead animal and my vet’s office would call me to get all the instructions. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/67 "2012-06-20T16:35:08Z")
> [@oreally](#): > > No it’s called hindsight after reading this thread. 🙂 Honestly this is the kind of thing that comes up VERY rarely and so I suspect most people don’t even think about, and reasonably so. Well, to that extent, I can’t say I’ve ever left specific instructions “if my cat dies…” However, I _always_ say “If something comes up, you can reach me this way.” It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that serious illness or death falls under this “something coming up.” And I don’t know of anyone who would leave on vacation and _not_ leave emergency contact info. If it’s an emergency, you use it. If you don’t, you’re no friend. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/68 "2012-06-21T00:28:48Z")
Obviously, it depends on the nature of the bad news, and whether the person involved can (or needs to) do anything about it. Their mother died? Barring truly awful family dynamic, yeah - call 'em. Sister in a bad car accident, expected to live, but other family is around for support? Notify but downplay. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/69 "2012-06-21T00:42:24Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > Obviously, it depends on the nature of the bad news, and whether the person involved can (or needs to) do anything about it. Their mother died? Barring truly awful family dynamic, yeah - call 'em. Sister in a bad car accident, expected to live, but other family is around for support? Notify but downplay. Unless I’m dealing with someone who is mentally incompetent, I’m not going to downplay things that are their business. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/70 "2012-06-21T00:43:44Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > … Sister in a bad car accident, expected to live, but other family is around for support? Notify but downplay. Your sister is stuck on the roof? ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/71 "2012-06-21T01:11:28Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Unless I’m dealing with someone who is mentally incompetent, I’m not going to downplay things that are their business. Well, I don’t mean out-and-out lie, but don’t volunteer scary details right then unless needed (or the vacationer asks for details). ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/72 "2012-06-21T01:24:00Z")
> [@saje](#): > > I get this sorted out BEFORE they leave. I ask point blank “if something horrible happens and I find one of them dead or dying, do you want me to call you or wait until you are home?” > > For myself, I want to be called. Yes, they’re cats/dogs/horses/pets, but they are also my dear friends and members of my family. I would be horrified to find a note and frozen body waiting for me. Same here on both fronts. I often dogsit a labrador cross who is now seriously ill. I’d call her owner if she died. He’d want to know and anyway I’d have to find out what to do with a big heavy dead dog in a flat in a city - burying or otherwise desposing of animals is not always straightforward or cheap. The owners should have the logistics of that sorted out better then you do. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/73 "2012-06-21T01:24:34Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > Well, I don’t mean out-and-out lie, but don’t volunteer scary details right then unless needed (or the vacationer asks for details). I think you and I might differ on what’s needed. Because my interest would be in making the person understand what’s going on. My first goal is giving the information, not in protecting their vacation. ---
**Author:** ![oreally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7ab992/32.png) [@oreally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oreally)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/74 "2012-06-22T11:29:29Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Well, to that extent, I can’t say I’ve ever left specific instructions “if my cat dies…” However, I _always_ say “If something comes up, you can reach me this way.” It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that serious illness or death falls under this “something coming up.” Well “you can reach me” isn’t quite the same as “call me if ANYTHING happens.” Again some might prefer not to be called (I wouldn’t); don’t assume your way is everyone’s way. And if you don’t leave specific instructions, it’s hardly fair to blame someone when they’re forced to make the choice. > [@](#): > > And I don’t know of anyone who would leave on vacation and _not_ leave emergency contact info. I have to wonder of the people you know, how many you know beyond any reasonable doubt a) leave emergency contact info, b) leave specific instructions about pets on this and would definitely want to be contacted in this situations. FYI it’s hardly uncommon for neither of these to say the least, > [@](#): > > If it’s an emergency, you use it. If you don’t, you’re no friend. :rolleyes: Again if you don’t leave specific instructions about this, you don’t have a leg to stand on, and if given that and they did what they thought best but after the fact it turns out they guessed wrong and you’re willing to end the friendship over that, I’d say it’s no loss on their part. ---
**Author:** ![oreally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7ab992/32.png) [@oreally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oreally)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/75 "2012-06-22T11:35:42Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > I would be white-hot-livid-rage pissed off if my pet died while I was on vacay and the person I left responsible for it didn’t bother to tell me. I like to be in control of my own choices, see, and someone else deciding how to dispose of my now-dead pet’s body would not sit well with me. That and not having the choice to decide if I want to cut my vacation short and come deal with my problem myself or adopt the “hey I can’t do anything about it now” attitude – what would make me the most angry is not being able to make that choice for myself. I don’t think some of you are getting the scenario. The point is IF specific instructions weren’t left on this, meaning the person has no way of knowing what you would prefer. If this is as important as you say, you should leave such instructions. Anyone who doesn’t has no cause to rip on a person for doing what they thought best. If you like to be in control of your own choices, then you leave instructions. If you don’t, you force that control on others. > [@](#): > > All that said, when my dog got really, really old and sick, I stopped asking people to watch her and just stopped traveling. I didn’t want to put my friend and petsitter in that position to have to make a choice for me, That’s what I’d do too; good move. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/76 "2012-06-23T03:10:15Z")
> [@oreally](#): > > :rolleyes: Again if you don’t leave specific instructions about this, you don’t have a leg to stand on, and if given that and they did what they thought best but after the fact it turns out they guessed wrong and you’re willing to end the friendship over that, I’d say it’s no loss on their part. Rolleyes yerself, bud. I dunno how dumb you think my friends/petsitters are, but I can assure you I wouldn’t leave my pets in the care of someone who wasn’t clear on 1\> what an _emergency_ is and 2\> what _emergency_ contact info is for. Frankly, once one understands the dictionary definition of _emergency_ the rest of it is pretty self-explanatory. I honestly don’t know why you seem to think that these things are a difficult concept to grasp. They’re not. And yes, my friends and family are grown-ups and realize that unexpected things can happen, and so wouldn’t consider leaving town without letting someone know how to contact them in case of emergency. Someone, usually several someones, know my travel plans, dates, locations, my phone number, the phone number where I’m staying… Aside from something happening at home that I’d want to know about, something could also happen to me, and it would be awfully helpful for someone to have the information to notice I’ve gone missing. Seriously, who doesn’t do this? And, for the love of Og, don’t use a triple negative in a sentence – I have no idea if you really meant to say what you said, or if one of the negatives got away from you. ---
**Author:** ![oreally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7ab992/32.png) [@oreally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oreally)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/77 "2012-06-23T04:58:57Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Rolleyes yerself, bud. I dunno how dumb you think my friends/petsitters are, but I can assure you I wouldn’t leave my pets in the care of someone who wasn’t clear on 1\> what an _emergency_ is and 2\> what _emergency_ contact info is for. Frankly, once one understands the dictionary definition of _emergency_ the rest of it is pretty self-explanatory. I honestly don’t know why you seem to think that these things are a difficult concept to grasp. They’re not. Reading comprehension just isn’t your thing, is it? One more time: the question/point was IF someone doesn’t leave specific instructions about this, what would you do. If you’re the type who does make it clear (and it would appear that isn’t the case, although you seem to think so), goody for you and the question at hand is N/A for you. But regardless, this thread isn’t about you or I specifically, FYI. PS: understanding the “dictionary definition” of emergency hardly clarifies things. :smack: > [@](#): > > And, for the love of Og, don’t use a triple negative in a sentence – I have no idea if you really meant to say what you said, or if one of the negatives got away from you. Thanks for clarifying that reading comprehension really isn’t your thing. Please get someone to explain “triple negative” to you. It’s regrettable that you’re having such a hard time. I won’t even bother asking what the “og” gibberish is about. ---
**Author:** ![Feyrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/fbc32d/32.png) [@Feyrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feyrat)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273/78 "2012-06-23T05:23:40Z")
> [@oreally](#): > > Reading comprehension just isn’t your thing, is it? One more time: the question/point was IF someone doesn’t leave specific instructions about this, what would you do. If you’re the type who does make it clear (and it would appear that isn’t the case, although you seem to think so), goody for you and the question at hand is N/A for you. But regardless, this thread isn’t about you or I specifically, FYI. Actually, no, that isn’t specified anywhere in the OP. In fact, the OP asks if you should contact your friend, which very much implies that your friend DID leave contact information, which is usually prefaced as “emergency contact information.” I don’t know about you, but when I’ve pet-sit for MY friends, we definitely consider “your pet died” as an emergency. Because there’s really not much time to deal with the body before it becomes a problem. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deliver-bad-news-to-someone-on-their-vacation-or-not/625273.md?page=3)