# Democritus-Pucker Up, Ass Slammer! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 25, 2000, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071 "2000-01-25T05:51:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2000, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/41 "2000-01-26T01:57:00Z")
Manny that was pretty pathetic. You missed. Maybe you should get that window installed in your stomach so you can still see with your head jammed up your ass. ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2000, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/42 "2000-01-26T02:26:00Z")
All right you fucksticks! Now that Omni is dickless(as if he wasn’t before right?), we can get down to business. First of all, Chef: Stop fucking fantasizing about being a sailor again. It is making me sick! Why don’t you stick a lit M80 up your ass, 'cause it’s the only bang you’ll ever get! Omni, What’s the matter, you’re not insecure enough already? You chase cars and bark at them, you uneducable, dung slurping, misanthropic dependent of a foul-smelling telephone solicitor. Flyp, sometimes it seems like you are honestly trying to be something other than the complete cock-biting bitch that you are, but I don’t care. You just don’t seem to get the concept of “other people” do you? You have the aptitude of a stale spaghetti noodle. Screw you. * * * “It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.” ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2000, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/43 "2000-01-26T03:08:00Z")
A Notice From ‘FLAME’ (Felching Lame Ass Morons Embassy) – “No animals were actually harmed in the production of this flame war. Also, the role of ‘tiny cow’ was played by a stunt-double.” Thank you for your attention. You may resume hostilities. Dr. Watson “It’s a subliminal job, but nobody has to do it.” ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2000, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/44 "2000-01-26T04:00:00Z")
Is this that Y2K thing they were talkin about??? ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2000, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/45 "2000-01-26T04:02:00Z")
Okay, why don’t the two of you just give it a fucking rest now? Each of you has your head stuck so far up the other’s ass that you look like you’ve switched bodies. Perhaps that explains the typos. Anyhow, somewhere, somehow, Sigmund Freud is reading those “yer mama” cracks and smiling. Get a life, or get a terminal disease and clear some room in this world for the people who have better things to do than engage in trite virtual sadomasochistic mutual masturbation. You both can suck my used tampons, you goat-raping, rat-stuffing inbred sons of a syphillitic gutterslut and a one-eyed midget named “Klaus”. Your conception was drug-induced, and your appearance reflects that fact. Fuck off and die. * * * An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzy-wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b38774/32.png) [@fuzzy-wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzy-wuzzy)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2000, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/46 "2000-01-26T04:08:00Z")
very very good neuro _applaudes_ * * * “Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2000, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/47 "2000-01-26T05:37:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Democritus: > \*\*First of all, Chef: Stop fucking fantasizing about being a sailor again. It is making me sick! Why don’t you stick a lit M80 up your ass, 'cause it’s the only bang you’ll ever get! > \*\* The only thing that’s making you sick is the quart of spunk from the Brazilian soccer team you blew last night. I told you not to swallow…those boys have been in training. ## Now stop speaking to your betters, you clap-festered dick-cheese factory. Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/48 "2000-01-27T00:46:00Z")
:::making a mental note: Don’t piss neuro off::: ---
**Author:** ![coosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@coosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coosa)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/49 "2000-01-27T06:44:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Omniscient: > **Manny that was pretty pathetic. You missed. Maybe you should get that window installed in your stomach so you can still see with your head jammed up your ass.** Gee, Omni, if your dick is so big, how did manny miss it? ## Must be a real tiny table it’s stretched across. Something from the Barbie collection, maybe? Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. - Mark Twain ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/50 "2000-01-27T17:33:00Z")
I haven’t mentioned it in a while, but **NTG** , you’re my favorite person in the whole world. Or at least this board. Any chance of you’re visiting WA any time soon? I have some co-workers I’d love for you to meet. . . and crush. -andros- ---
**Author:** ![ReservoirDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@ReservoirDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReservoirDog)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/51 "2000-01-27T17:58:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by neuro-trash grrrl: > \*\*You both can suck my used tampons, you goat-raping, rat-stuffing inbred sons of a syphillitic gutterslut and a one-eyed midget named “Klaus”. \*\* Hey, my name is Klaus. If I wasn’t so darned short, and could see a little better, I’d kick your ass! And since this is the Pit, allow me to add: You’re all a bunch of fucking losers! ---
**Author:** ![el\_eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e99b99/32.png) [@el\_eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/el_eureka)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/52 "2000-01-27T21:57:00Z")
Now that we proved we all can act like children with potty mouths who wants cake? ---
**Author:** ![Surgoshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Surgoshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surgoshan)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2000, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/53 "2000-01-27T22:57:00Z")
What kind of cake? * * * I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail. ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/54 "2000-01-28T00:30:00Z")
Toilet deodorant cakes, of course. * * * An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/55 "2000-01-28T00:38:00Z")
Oh, who needs to be euphemistic? It’s called a urinal cake, you rug-muncher. And I just made a whole big tray of nice, big, fresh urinal cakes…and you can’t have any. * * * “Buffalo Bills? Oh, yeah. The guys that always snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.” --WallyM7 ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/56 "2000-01-28T00:40:00Z")
Love your sig, Libby. * * * Sorry, the Cliche Clique is not accepting new members at this time, ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/57 "2000-01-28T00:50:00Z")
Oh, bite me, you fucking Canuck. Why don’t you just go back to your igloo with Nanook and leave me alone? You wouldn’t know real football if it attached a handle to the ball and shoved it up your ass. In fact, that and ice fishing is your idea of a fun Saturday night, but I digress. So, in short, lick my ass. I’ll even pour maple syrup on it first. ---
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/58 "2000-01-28T00:54:00Z")
ChefTroy: > [@](#): > > you microcephalic borborygmous mephitic miasma That was pretty good, and I _really_ hate to point this out, but you mispelled “borborygmus”. Sorry. * * * > [@](#): > > Get a life, or get a terminal disease and clear some room in this world for the people who have better things to do than engage in trite virtual sadomasochistic mutual masturbation. You both can suck my used tampons, you goat-raping, rat-stuffing inbred sons of a syphillitic gutterslut and a one-eyed midget named “Klaus”. Your conception was drug-induced, and your appearance reflects that fact. Fuck off and die. I find you strangely arousing, neuro-trash grrl. ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/59 "2000-01-28T00:58:00Z")
Oh, Christ, you cracked me up, Libby. 🙂 You’ve still got it. ::Note to self: Don’t mess with Drain:: * * * Sorry, the Cliche Clique is not accepting new members at this time, ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/60 "2000-01-28T01:22:00Z")
Did someone say urinal cakes? Yummmm! They make your breath minty fresh! * * * “You both can suck my used tampons, you goat-raping, rat-stuffing inbred sons of a syphillitic gutterslut and a one-eyed midget named “Klaus”.” –NTG [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071.md?page=4)