# Democritus-Pucker Up, Ass Slammer! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 25, 2000, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071 "2000-01-25T05:51:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/81 "2000-01-28T20:00:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah, and last I checked Ebay, you were currently the highest bidder for them. Shit yeah! Nine bucks is a _steal_ for a tent that size! > [@](#): > > Hint–never go near his crawfish etouffee. ## Point taken. Actually, with all the flirting that’s been going on between Chef and Dem, I’d be afraid to go near anything from Troy’s kitchen with a sauce. I hear Dem’s a spitter. We interrupt this thread to increase dramatic tension. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/82 "2000-01-28T20:03:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Nine bucks is a _steal_ for a tent that size! Man, that’s not my underwear, that’s my _bra!_ Leave it to a guy who hasn’t seen either since he jerked off to the Sears Catalog when he was fourteen to not know the difference. > [@](#): > > I hear Dem’s a spitter. Well, you can’t go believing _everything_ your mother tells you… ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/83 "2000-01-28T20:14:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Well, you can’t go believing everything your mother tells you… You’re right there. She told me once that breasts were not the only thing worthwhile on women. Nice to know there are exceptions to the rule. * * * We interrupt this thread to increase dramatic tension. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/84 "2000-01-28T22:04:00Z")
> [@](#): > > She told me once that breasts were not the only thing worthwhile on women. Nice to know there are exceptions to the rule. I dunno, Flyp. See, I’ve met your girlfriend, and even her tits aren’t anything to write home about. Hell, if I were you, I wouldn’t write home about any of your girlfriends. You don’t want your dad showing up at her door with a bottle of Colt 45, fifty cents, and a bunch of glow-in-the-dark finger cots, would you? ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/85 "2000-01-28T22:24:00Z")
> [@](#): > > See, I’ve met your girlfriend, and even her tits aren’t anything to write home about. Wow. Your mom’s really hurt that you said that, Drainy. > [@](#): > > Hell, if I were you, I wouldn’t write home about any of your girlfriends. You don’t want your dad showing up at her door with a bottle of Colt 45, fifty cents, and a bunch of glow-in-the-dark finger cots, would you? "Dear Dad, Dad, there’s this really awesome girl I met online. We all call her Drain Bead, and she’s a frisky one, Dad. If you’re ever in Columbus, feel free to stop by and have a go. Most Buckeyes already have. P.S. Beware the strap-on." * * * We interrupt this thread to increase dramatic tension. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2000, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/86 "2000-01-29T00:41:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Wow. Your mom’s really hurt that you said that, Drainy. Flyp, Flyp. Realdolls do NOT have emotions, no matter who you order them to look like. > [@](#): > > P.S. Beware the strap-on." …“because its raging six inches is twice as big as your dick and mine combined!” Oh, and a note for you and all the rest of the ass-Vikings in this thread…I won’t be keeping up with this insult-fest for the rest of the weekend, because, unlike all of you people, I’ll actually be getting laid. Have fun without me. Oh, and Flypsyde? You REALLY need to stop masturbating into that sock. I saw your mom at the laundromat the other day, and the damn thing got up and walked out the door by itself! ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2000, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/87 "2000-01-29T05:41:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Drain Bead: > \*\*Dude, that’s not me, that’s Chef Troy! Don’t you notice that little micropenis peeking out from his pubes? Hell, I don’t even _own_ a spatula. > > But knowing our dear Chef, that’s _certainly_ not Vaseline. And the alleycats are gone because he made meatloaf last night.\*\* Can you blame my penis (which is plenty big around normal women) for trying to hide from you, you pube-toothed carpet licker? And it wasn’t Vaseline, it was the strongest antibacterial ointment I could find to protect me from proximity to you, you cancre-ridden pox-mucked swamp-crotched Venereal Ariel. As for the cats, I heard they all fled when they heard a pussy with matted hair, purulent drool, and horrendous fangs was coming along to challenge Demo for pack leadership. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2000, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/88 "2000-01-29T05:51:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I accidentally wore them when I visited Troy’s kitchen. Hint–never go near his crawfish etouffee. How do you “accidentally” wear panties? Oh, I get it…someone who has lots of experience taking them off but almost none putting them on might make such a mistake. (roaring) and don’t you EVER insult the etouffe, bride of Satan! Stick to what you know, like practicing for the freestyle goat-blowing event in the Autofelch Olympics and finding new ways to abuse hamsters. I’d tell you to go fuck yourself but you’d probably enjoy it too much. And by the way, DB, that giant plaid dildo you bought from Demo the other night is really a Thermos. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2000, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/89 "2000-01-29T05:56:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Flypside: But given the striking similarities between yourself and our culinary czar, you must admit it’s an honest mistake. > > Drain Bead: Oh, c’mon. Troy’s tits are MUCH bigger than mine. they probably are, since Flyp says you’re a carpenter’s dream (flat as a board and easy to nail). However, the resemblance he’s referring to is that you have so many pubes stuck around your mouth that you look like you have a goatee. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/90 "2000-01-31T09:13:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Point taken. Actually, with all the flirting that’s been going on between Chef and Dem, I’d be afraid to go near anything from Troy’s kitchen with a sauce. I hear Dem’s a spitter. Well Flyp, after I saw what swallowing all that gizz of Chef’s did to your complexion, I decided to change tactics… * * * "Every one is bound to bear patiently the results of his own example. " -Phædrus ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/91 "2000-01-31T14:38:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Realdolls do NOT have emotions That may be, but who needs Realdolls when they’ve got you to lie there still, lifeless and lukewarm? And for free, on top of that? > [@](#): > > I won’t be keeping up with this insult-fest for the rest of the weekend, because, unlike all of you people, I’ll actually be getting laid. I weep for Columbus’ strays. > [@](#): > > You REALLY need to stop masturbating into that sock. I saw your mom at the laundromat the other day, and the damn thing got up and walked out the door by itself! I’d guess that was more from a fear of being anywhere near your used panties than anything I could’ve done to it. > [@](#): > > And by the way, DB, that giant plaid dildo you bought from Demo the other night is really a Thermos. Chances are she’s lost it up there already, Chef. > [@](#): > > I decided to change tactics… Oh, so no more mutual snowballing for you two? * * * We interrupt this thread to increase dramatic tension. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/92 "2000-02-01T19:34:00Z")
Just looking around for someone to insult… * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/93 "2000-02-01T19:53:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Just looking around for someone to insult… No one in your dining room? That swill you call cuisine’s enough to insult anyone. * * * We interrupt this thread to increase dramatic tension. ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/94 "2000-02-01T19:56:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Just looking around for someone to insult… No one in your dining room? That swill you call cuisine’s enough to insult anyone. * * * We interrupt this thread to increase dramatic tension. ---
**Author:** ![Prose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Prose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prose)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/95 "2000-02-02T17:11:00Z")
this entire thread completely erraticated my fine sense for linguistic gymnastics, all I could do was laugh at you all. psssttt, there was a couple of msgs about a “urinal cake”? it’s not a cake, it’s a puck. (it was on the list for a scavanger hunt to raise money for United Way). have a happy day everyone 😛😃 * * * I am a fire whose flames lick and spit at the boundless sky forever desiring wonderous consummation -me ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/96 "2000-02-02T23:30:00Z")
Jesus fcking Christ on a pogo stick, why do you fucking Americans, have to insult Canadian’s??? Are you jealous of our 8 month winters, are Mosquitoes the size of Battleships and the fact that we can do your fucking pathetic culture better than you can??? Of course not, you don’t give a shit about anything but yourselves. WHY??? Because you are Americans. And speaking of football, Buffalo would have won that game if they had started Doug Flutie (Who came from where??? The Canadian Football League.) So every pathetic excuse for a loser on this board can just go home!!! So there: Keith * * * You want brilliance BEFORE I’ve had my coffee!!! ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/97 "2000-02-03T05:26:00Z")
> [@](#): > > fcking Do you mean “f **u** cking”? > [@](#): > > Canadian’s Did you mean “Canadians”? > [@](#): > > are You **must** mean “our”! Learn to spell, **fucko** before you bring your sorry, Candadian ass back here! * * * "Every one is bound to bear patiently the results of his own example. " -Phædrus ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/98 "2000-02-03T05:31:00Z")
Hay, wach it! Im Candian. ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/99 "2000-02-03T15:32:00Z")
I can spell, I just can’t type worth shit!!! You are correct on all of your points, but you did not attack the substance of my arguments. Therefore, the points I raise must be pretty accurate. So there!!! Pbtttttt!!! Keith * * * You want brilliance BEFORE I’ve had my coffee!!! ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/100 "2000-02-03T15:54:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Jesus fcking Christ on a pogo stick, why do you fucking Americans, have to insult Canadian’s??? Because we can. > [@](#): > > Are you jealous of our 8 month winters nope. > [@](#): > > are Mosquitoes the size of Battleships No, they’re not. If they were, they’d collapse under their own weight, and,…Oh. come to Texas sometime. We’ve got Skitters that’ll take yuor wallet, _then_ kick your ass, _ **then** _ put your Celine Dion listening ass on the corner to make them crack money. > [@](#): > > and the fact that we can do your fucking pathetic culture better than you can?? Maple syrup and 80’s music do not a culture make. P.S. Imitation _is_ the sincerest form of flattery. > [@](#): > > Of course not, you don’t give a shit about anything but yourselves. WHY??? Because we’re all that matters, mooseboy. > [@](#): > > Because you are Americans. And speaking of football, Buffalo would have won that game if they had started Doug Flutie (Who came from where??? The Canadian Football League.) The CFL: Proof that just because Spam is meat, that doesn’t make it steak. > [@](#): > > So every pathetic excuse for a loser on this board can just go home!!! I want to, but I’m still shopping for punctuation marks. Seems like someone bought them all. So **there**. ## “The only country where everyone is named ‘Doug’.”–Greg Proops. You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071.md?page=6)