# Democritus-Pucker Up, Ass Slammer! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 25, 2000, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071 "2000-01-25T05:51:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/101 "2000-02-03T20:02:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Learn to spell, fucko before you bring your sorry, **Candadian** ass back here! OK, I can’t believe I did this. I’m going home now… ---
**Author:** ![Prose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Prose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prose)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/102 "2000-02-04T00:17:00Z")
that’s right demo, and you were so nice to me when I wrote my first post. CANADIANS kick ass, oh, that’s right because we are better than you ignorant, utter dumb fuck morons. American’s have put through more stupid laws than should be allowed… * * * I am a fire whose flames lick and spit at the boundless sky forever desiring wonderous consummation -me ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/103 "2000-02-04T00:37:00Z")
> [@](#): > > American’s have put through more stupid laws than should be allowed… Such seems to be the case with Canadians and apostrophes. ---
**Author:** ![coosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@coosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coosa)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/104 "2000-02-04T02:40:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I am a fire whose flames lick and spit at the boundless sky forever desiring wonderous consummation Don’t you mean ‘wondrous’? ## Just a comment from an ignorant, utter dumb fuck moron that can SPELL. Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/105 "2000-02-04T03:48:00Z")
Hey, c’mon now…don’t knock Prose. It takes an unrecognized, poetic GENIUS to quote one’s self in a sig line…and be _serious_. Drop the pretension, you walking colostomy bag. Go regurgitate your fucking mindless drivel somewhere else. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/106 "2000-02-04T05:03:00Z")
Odieman tries to impress us with things Canadian by including this example: > [@](#): > > And speaking of football, Buffalo would have won that game if they had started Doug Flutie (Who came from where??? The Canadian Football League.) then, when attacked for spelling problems adds: > [@](#): > > I can spell, I just can’t type worth shit!!! > You are correct on all of your points, but you did not attack the substance of my arguments. Therefore, the points I raise must be pretty accurate. So there!!! Pbtttttt!!! > Keith As I recall things, Doug played college ball at Boston College, had a mercifully brief stint in NFL, went slumming for a few years up north, before returning to civilization… Oh, I guess that would be civilisation to you, Keith - not that you would know what it means 😉 * * * Sue from El Paso - Siamese attack puppet - Texas Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/107 "2000-02-04T05:05:00Z")
And gimme back some of those exclamation marks! I might need them! How else will I get anyone to reead my posts! Really! Sheesh! ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/108 "2000-02-04T22:01:00Z")
Jeez, are all of you functionally illiterate, pendulous-lower-lipped, drooling sheep-fuckers typing with boxing gloves on or what? I’ve never seen such a run of messages making fun of someone’s spelling mistakes THAT CONTAIN EQUALLY MOCKABLE MISTAKES. Time to go back to the “LoveRock Skool of Lerning to Spel Gud” and demand your money back for not telling you that it’s too hard to type with one finger up your nose. And with the exception of MoosieGirl and CanadianSue, you Canadians should ask for your money back too…from the scoundrel who sold you a national identity. Saying that you all suck moosehead works on so many different levels. And clearly those people in the Smokey Bear hats are called “mounties” because of their unnatural attraction for each other. Just a tip, fellas…red is out this season. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/109 "2000-02-04T22:04:00Z")
Jeez, are all of you functionally illiterate, pendulous-lower-lipped, drooling sheep-fuckers typing with boxing gloves on or what? I’ve never seen such a run of messages making fun of someone’s spelling mistakes THAT CONTAIN EQUALLY MOCKABLE MISTAKES. Time to go back to the “LoveRock Skool of Lerning to Spel Gud” and demand your money back for not telling you that it’s too hard to type with one finger up your nose. And with the exception of MoosieGirl and CanadianSue, you Canadians should ask for your money back too…from the scoundrel who sold you a national identity. Saying that you all suck moosehead works on so many different levels. And clearly those people in the Smokey Bear hats are called “mounties” because of their unnatural attraction for each other. Just a tip, fellas…red is out this season. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/110 "2000-02-04T22:08:00Z")
Jeez, are all of you functionally illiterate, pendulous-lower-lipped, drooling sheep-fuckers typing with boxing gloves on or what? I’ve never seen such a run of messages making fun of someone’s spelling mistakes THAT CONTAIN EQUALLY MOCKABLE MISTAKES. Time to go back to the “LoveRock Skool of Lerning to Spel Gud” and demand your money back for not telling you that it’s too hard to type with one finger up your nose. And with the exception of MoosieGirl and CanadianSue, you Canadians should ask for your money back too…from the scoundrel who sold you a national identity. Saying that you all suck moosehead works on so many different levels. And clearly those people in the Smokey Bear hats are called “mounties” because of their unnatural attraction for each other. Just a tip, fellas…red is out this season. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/111 "2000-02-04T22:10:00Z")
Jeez, are all of you functionally illiterate, pendulous-lower-lipped, drooling sheep-fuckers typing with boxing gloves on or what? I’ve never seen such a run of messages making fun of someone’s spelling mistakes THAT CONTAIN EQUALLY MOCKABLE MISTAKES. Time to go back to the “LoveRock Skool of Lerning to Spel Gud” and demand your money back for not telling you that it’s too hard to type with one finger up your nose. And with the exception of MoosieGirl and CanadianSue, you Canadians should ask for your money back too…from the scoundrel who sold you a national identity. Saying that you all suck moosehead works on so many different levels. And clearly those people in the Smokey Bear hats are called “mounties” because of their unnatural attraction for each other. Just a tip, fellas…red is out this season. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/112 "2000-02-04T22:35:00Z")
Chef, at least we didn’t quadropost. * * * You want brilliance BEFORE I’ve had my coffee!!! ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/113 "2000-02-04T22:35:00Z")
Jeez, are all of you functionally illiterate, pendulous-lower-lipped, drooling sheep-fuckers typing with boxing gloves on or what? I’ve never seen such a run of messages making fun of someone’s spelling mistakes THAT CONTAIN EQUALLY MOCKABLE MISTAKES. Time to go back to the “LoveRock Skool of Lerning to Spel Gud” and demand your money back for not telling you that it’s too hard to type with one finger up your nose. And with the exception of MoosieGirl and CanadianSue, you Canadians should ask for your money back too…from the scoundrel who sold you a national identity. Saying that you all suck moosehead works on so many different levels. And clearly those people in the Smokey Bear hats are called “mounties” because of their unnatural attraction for each other. Just a tip, fellas…red is out this season. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/114 "2000-02-04T22:39:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Time to go back to the “LoveRock Skool of Lerning to Spel Gud” and demand your money back for not telling you that it’s too hard to type with one finger up your nose. Those aren’t noses, Chef. Kinda easy to confuse them, though, given that they’re similarly sized. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/115 "2000-02-04T22:49:00Z")
Yeah, Chef, but at least _we_ don’t quadruple post. * * * JMCJ This is not a sig. ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/116 "2000-02-04T23:32:00Z")
Well, at least I’ve never quadroposted. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2000, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/117 "2000-02-05T02:06:00Z")
Listen, fuckface, I posted that several times to give you a few more chances to sound out the long words. You pitiful ferret-felchers make me want to get a sex change just so you could suck on my used tampons. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/118 "2000-02-06T11:42:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Chef Troy: > \*\*Listen, fuckface, I posted that several times to give you a few more chances to sound out the long words. > > You pitiful ferret-felchers make me want to get a sex change just so you could suck on my used tampons. > > \*\* ## I’m sure you have plenty of tampons that you used to soak up all that fetid, Canadian semen that’s been pumped up your ass in this thread alone Chef, you multi-posting, gizz-gargling piece of maggot-infested, sewage detritus! “Universe Man - He’s got a watch with a minute hand, millenium hand and an eon hand and when they meet it’s a happy land - Powerful man, Universe Man” -TMBG ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/119 "2000-02-07T15:02:00Z")
> [@](#): > > all of you functionally illiterate, pendulous-lower-lipped, drooling sheep-fuckers Listen up, your king’s speaking. > [@](#): > > Time to go back to the “LoveRock Skool of Lerning to Spel Gud” and demand your money back for not telling you that it’s too hard to type with one finger up your nose. They probably thought they didn’t need that part of the curriculum after you graduated, rimjob. > [@](#): > > you Canadians should ask for your money back too…from the scoundrel who sold you a national identity. And you should ask for your money back from the scoundrel who sold you the keyboard with the rapid fire enter key. _Four_ copies of this drivel? > [@](#): > > Just a tip, 'Cause that’s all the dick he has… > [@](#): > > You pitiful ferret-felchers make me want to get a sex change just so you could suck on my used tampons. Oh, I think your cooking would be a far worse punishment than this. > [@](#): > > all that fetid, Canadian semen that’s been pumped up your ass in this thread alone Chef Awww, Demo’s jealous… * * * We interrupt this thread to increase dramatic tension. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071/120 "2000-02-07T20:57:00Z")
I swear, flypside, if I were to look into your ear (and if I could see past the profusion of earwax and skull-fuck pecker tracks), the only thing I’d see is out your other ear and across the room to Demo, frantically wiping away the white ring around his mouth and putting your 25 cents in his pocket. This thread used to be full of moderately interesting examples of invective, but I see we’re back to fag jokes again. Particularly ironic coming from someone like you who has handles tied to his shoes because gripping your ankles was too difficult when the bikers started fucking you too hard. Why don’t you and Demo just get back to your hobby of trying to shove your heads so far up each others’ assholes that you can meet in the middle for a kiss? As for my keyboard, the scoundrel who sold it to me was YOU… and further investigation shows the enter key sticks because of old come under the keys. DNA test results point to you. Moreover, I’ve noticed that certain keys have been hit so often that the letters are almost worn away…letters that spell “www.fuck\_me\_mister\_ed.com”. Obviously when you signed off from chat the other night by saying you were headed out to the horse barn for a ride, you were being metaphorical. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/democritus-pucker-up-ass-slammer/4071.md?page=7)