# Denied Visitation **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 5, 2011, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352 "2011-06-05T00:15:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Donnie\_Page](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Donnie\_Page](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Donnie_Page)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/1 "2011-06-05T00:15:51Z")
Divorced two years ago and we have 4 children which stay in Missouri with my ex and I moved back home to California. Our divorce consists of both her and I with Joint physical and joint legal custody and the visitation states that we were to work with each other and set dates. Last year I was denied by my ex to bring my 8 year old son and 14 year old daughter here in California for time together in the summer. I was mad but I suppose I understood she was still trying to get back at me for leaving her, and the whole time I was called a loser and sorry ass etc. and she would tell the kids I left them and I didn’t care which couldn’t be further from the truth. I left her and talked to my kids every day and miss them horribly. Through the remaining of the year my ex and I actually started getting along as well as could be expected and she said next summer, I will try to work with you for your visitation. Now it’s the end of the school year and my same two kids want to come here and we’ve been talking since christmas about coming for the summer and camping here in California. I asked the ex and she had told me that if I sent her $200.00 for gas she would drive them the 100 mile or so round trip to airport. (BRIBE) I agreed just to make this happen because I miss my kids so bad. So I bought the airplane tickets May 27th and was very very excited as my kids were too. She text at 8 a.m. telling me she was just kidding and not to get the tickets. I told her I did and now she says that they will not be coming. I don’t know why she thinks she can do this to them, there is nothing that says she’s the boss in our divorce papers. So my question is what should I do about this visitation denial and who should I contact to claim a contempt of court claim. Because now it’s been 2 years and I haven’t been allowed to have my children fly here to California, and she has run my name through the dirt so bad in the little town in Missouri that I really feel threatened to go there and visit them. And now I’m pissed and want a solution. Can anyone give me an honest educated answer ? ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/2 "2011-06-05T00:27:53Z")
Lawyer up, immediately. Let her know it’ll be on her bill. ---
**Author:** ![Donnie\_Page](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Donnie\_Page](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Donnie_Page)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/3 "2011-06-05T01:39:38Z")
Divorced 2 years and 4 kids in Missouri with Ex and I moved back home to California, She will not let me bring my kids here to visit because she only wants me to visit there in Missouri where she has bashed my name to everyone I know including my kids, so if I petition for a contempt of court and win will I be awarded custody of the children ? P.S. we both have joint physical and joint legal custody… ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/4 "2011-06-05T01:45:03Z")
Yes, get a lawyer right away. Also, I’d suggest e-mailing the kids regularly directly to maintain regular contact. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT bad-mouth your ex to your kids. That’ll come back to bite you. If they bad-mouth her to you, make a note of it but don’t get sucked into it. ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/5 "2011-06-05T01:48:06Z")
I am NOT a lawyer. Get a lawyer, really it’s your only answer. The California Bar maybe able to recommend a lawyer in California or in Missouri to help with this. Do not post about it on a message board, especially if that is your real name. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/6 "2011-06-05T02:17:55Z")
> [@Foggy](#): > > Do not post about it on a message board, especially if that is your real name. Especially don’t post it twice on the same MB. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/7 "2011-06-05T02:24:37Z")
Joint legal and joint physical custody? And you live in California, while the kids are in Missouri? Traditionally, in a joint physical custody situation, at least in my state, the children are to spend roughly equal amounts of time with each parent. There is usually no child support involved. Obviously, the kids are now spending most of the time with the mother. How much are you paying in support? As for contempt, I think it may be hard to make a contempt stick…at least to the point of sending her to jail. The existing order is basically an agreement to agree in the future. Hard to find a willful violation there. I suspect the custody situation will be modified if you go to court, with one of you gaining primary custody and the other paying support and having visitation. Might want to ask the court to specify the visitation schedule. And if you go to court, it will probably have to be in Missouri–assuming that is where the original custody order was entered. California is not the home state of these children, and thus does not have jurisdiction to hear a custody action. ---
**Author:** ![Donnie\_Page](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Donnie\_Page](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Donnie_Page)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/8 "2011-06-05T02:50:25Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Joint legal and joint physical custody? And you live in California, while the kids are in Missouri? > > Traditionally, in a joint physical custody situation, at least in my state, the children are to spend roughly equal amounts of time with each parent. There is usually no child support involved. Obviously, the kids are now spending most of the time with the mother. How much are you paying in support? > > As for contempt, I think it may be hard to make a contempt stick…at least to the point of sending her to jail. The existing order is basically an agreement to agree in the future. Hard to find a willful violation there. > > I suspect the custody situation will be modified if you go to court, with one of you gaining primary custody and the other paying support and having visitation. Might want to ask the court to specify the visitation schedule. > > And if you go to court, it will probably have to be in Missouri–assuming that is where the original custody order was entered. California is not the home state of these children, and thus does not have jurisdiction to hear a custody action. child support is 1100 monthly and have some in arrears but the ex has been put in jail for attacking my 17 year old daughter while drunk and tazed twice by police at station and never even got a court date for that and she attacked me while sleeping and police report was done on that too, that’s why I left back home to Cali. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/9 "2011-06-05T03:06:12Z")
Wow. It really sounds like your kids are getting a great start in life. They have a couple of wonderful parents. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/10 "2011-06-05T03:10:50Z")
> [@Donnie\_Page](#): > > child support is 1100 monthly and have some in arrears but the ex has been put in jail for attacking my 17 year old daughter while drunk and tazed twice by police at station and never even got a court date for that and she attacked me while sleeping and police report was done on that too, that’s why I left back home to Cali. Seriously, dude, _shut the fuck up_ and get a lawyer. You venting about the ex here (heck, just _discussing_ the ex here) will do your situation no good at all. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/11 "2011-06-05T03:13:17Z")
Here’s some advice you may not have seen yet… GET A LAWYER. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/12 "2011-06-05T03:22:46Z")
OK, since everyone seems to be beating around the bush here, I’m going to just come right out and say it: GET A LAWYER! But am I the only one who thinks there’s more to the story then the OP lets on? ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/13 "2011-06-05T03:24:07Z")
When a whole town is supposedly against you, yes. Otara ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/14 "2011-06-05T04:05:53Z")
Another chiming in to declare they are not a lawyer. Otherwise I have nothing to add. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/15 "2011-06-05T04:55:49Z")
If you moved out of state, I’m not sure that you can win. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/16 "2011-06-05T05:08:06Z")
Merged two threads on the same subject. Colibri ---
**Author:** ![Bambro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/df705f/32.png) [@Bambro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambro)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/17 "2011-06-05T05:08:29Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > If you moved out of state, I’m not sure that you can win. ^^ what she said ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/18 "2011-06-05T05:11:29Z")
I’m surprised no one mentioned that he should get a fucking lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/19 "2011-06-05T05:22:30Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > If you moved out of state, I’m not sure that you can win. You know who might know? A lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352/20 "2011-06-05T05:25:18Z")
Would it be a good idea to consult an attorney? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/denied-visitation/584352.md?page=2)