Priceguy, do please let us know how you’re getting on.
PriceGuy, I have one other thing to say. Please remember that drugs are only a crutch to get you by. Seek real therapy in order to learn to THINK your way past depression. Find a therapist that practices cognitive behavior therapy. Take it from someone that’s hung themself before, drugs are only part of the treatment. Good Luck.
Hi priceguy,
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and wish you well. I have taken antidepressants (fluoxetine and paroxetine) for many years and find that, while not a cure, they do bring you back from the really dark place into a more bearable world. Side-effects I have had are a loss of libido (affects my partner more than it bothers me 
) and a slight tremor at high doses (50mg+ of sertraline). To me, the wellbeing improvement outweighs them.
Take care,
Louise
I just got a letter from the psychiatric clinic I was referred to. I’ve got an appointment there… on April 24th. That’s a month away. I’ve been staying home from university, missing a paper and an exam in the process. I can’t go on doing that for a month, and I can’t go back until I feel better. Right now, the thought of going back makes me nauseous. I love my course, I do, but the state I’m in lowers my stress tolerance rather drastically. I just can’t handle it. Without the paper to work on I wouldn’t have broken down Monday. I would have broken down eventually, but it was the paper that pushed me over.
What the fuck am I going to do now? Spend a month at home, moping around and missing class, missing the education I fought so hard to get into? Or go back and probably crash again in a few days?
I know I’m going to sound like someone’s mother, but … are you eating properly, Priceguy? How’s the sleeping patterns? There may well be other factors adding to your reactions toward the stress, maybe something you can work on like nutrition and enough rest per day until you get to your appointment.
I am eating well. I’ve experienced some loss of appetite but since I intellectually know I need to eat, I eat anyway. No weight loss thus far.
Great, surprisingly. I sleep really well.
Priceguy,
You may want to ask around at your college about deferred grades. 2 semesters ago, Mr. Toes was having an awful time with his anxiety and missed about a month of school. He kept in contact with all his instructors on what was going on and several offered him the option of a deferred grade. He finished up his classwork about a month after the semester ended and was able to submit it to his instructors for a passing grade in the class.
You also may want to get a doctor’s note and talk to the school counsellor (assuming they have one).
Take care,
Jelly
Priceguy, definitely follow jellytoes’s advice. Look into deferred grades, medical extensions, whatever it takes. There’s no sense in going back there and putting yourself through more hell when you’re feeling like this. I know it’s tough to do anything when you’re in the midst of depression this bad, but just do this for yourself; you will be so much better off after you get this settled.
Priceguy, I don’t know that I have any wisdom to share, beyond what others have already shared, but I’ve been where you are now and gotten better. Sometimes, when the stresses of my life have become too much for me, I’ve gotten worse again, too. But it’s easier to work my way back now, because of the things I’ve learned through talk therapy and reading. Having said that, I am on a maintenance dose of Serzone (an atypical antidepressant, like Wellbutrin) and will be for the rest of my life.
The drug does not make me “feel not myself” or blunt my emotions; it just makes it easier for me to deal with stress. It hasn’t made me fat, and it has a good track record with not affecting people’s sex drives. But that doesn’t mean it is the right drug for you. Unfortunately, the only way to find that out is trial and error. It requires good compliance on your part to find the right drug therapy and make it work for you.
My best piece of advice, the thing that works for me, is to make sure that you do at least one thing every day that you can feel good about. Maybe it’s calling a friend, maybe it’s taking a walk, maybe it’s doing the dishes. Whatever you can personally look back at and say “that was a good thing - it made me feel good”. I think you can manage to find something like that, no matter how small it is. For me, the last time I got in a depression, my first “good thing” that helped pull me up was to tape a show for a friend that doesn’t have cable TV. Sounds silly, but it made me feel like I was contributing something of value to someone, and I determined to build on it. You can do it, too.
Take care, because you are cared about.
I too suffer from depression (“suffer” being the operative word) but have not had to go on medication yet. Hang in there, and let us know how it goes.
Have you spoke with your professor/s about delaying the paper? I had to redo my senior year of undergraduate school due to the horrible depression that came after a long string of bad events, including mono. It felt like the end of the world to take a break but in the long run it seems okay. Another good thing about that time is that I started getting some treatments and proper medication. It made life much better.
Best wishes to you.
Have you responded to the clinic’s letter by calling them up and relaying your issues/concerns/thoughts on having to wait another month? Perhaps they may deem your case a bit more urgent and therefore move it up in their scheduling? Don’t let the fact that you were less than impressed with your doctor at the psych. ER cloud your judgement on others in the field (not that it has). You’ll almost always encounter professionals who do care and since your posts have generated much well deserved and sincere concern from fellow dopers, I would hope those at your local clinic wouldn’t be at all dismissive of your issues with the month-long wait.
As for the side effects issue, others have already mentioned that many side effects are over-reported. While that’s certainly true, in the specific example of Paxil (paroxetine), IMHO, the sexual side effects of that drug seemed incredibly underreported. At another board (www.depressionforums.com) I began visiting just prior to starting a treatment on Paxil for SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder), it was a bit rare to encounter anyone who didn’t experience the sexual side effects (the incident rate for this s/e, according to GlaxoSmithKline, the makers of Paxil, was around 15%, IIRC). Although it was the only s/e I experienced, one year later I’m still not sure if it’s worth it and will likely ask my doc. that we try something else.
Best wishes to the both of you. Please let us know how things work out.
I don’t want to be me anymore. I don’t want to know what I know. I don’t want responsibility. I want to be a kid again. I don’t want people to expect things from me. I don’t want stress. I don’t want any of this stupid pointless world. I just don’t. But who gives a shit.
I do.
Hi
I had an major attack of depression and social anxiety 2 years ago. I’d had attacks before but this was the worst. It was triggered by a new job and massive amounts of pressure which I thought I couldn’t cope with. A friend persuaded me that it would be better to see an anxiety pschiatrist than to resign my job. I started on Paxil and after 4 weeks had major benefits. The depression and anxiety slipped away. The project I was working on ( and it was a lot of stress) went really well. In fact we kicked ass!!
Everybody is unique, their depression is unique and their reaction to treatment is also unique. All I can tell you is my experience.
The medication- Paxil- worked well for me.
I had no major side effects .
I had no sexual side effects - my libido was and is 100% OK
My emotions were not reduced. During the time on medication I have finished one relationship and started a new one. All the feelings that go along with with this were there.
I have laughed, cried , been furious, heartbroken, ecstatic, bored and everything in between.
Try medication, Try therapy they can both help.
I know what you are going through now is miserable but you will come out of it.
silkie
I have had the exact same feelings. I do not know how to get rid of them, they just seem to go away on their own. I feel for you, I have been in the same place. I hope you figure a way out.
This feeling can pass, really. You just have to hold on for a little while and ride it out. Your wife cares. People who are responding to you care. I care. Even some people who are reading this thread, not posting, but nodding their heads because they feel like you do, and are hoping you pull through this awful time because maybe that means they will too - they care.
The problem is, working on this takes effort, and I know full well how enormous of a task something like that can be. You start thinking about everything else you’ll have to do, and it becomes overwhelming and you just want to hide somewhere.
I have to second Padmaraga’s advice about doing something to make you feel good - just one little thing. Make it small so you won’t stop in the middle and then beat yourself up over something else that you haven’t done. It can be something like sweeping the front steps and porch off, or hanging up those three clean shirts that have been laying on your dresser for weeks. After you’ve done the small thing, celebrate that you’ve followed through on it. Don’t skip this part, and don’t try to demean yourself over picking something small. Then the next day, pick something else. Then later maybe two small things, with the assurance to yourself that if you don’t finish one, that’s no big deal, but if you do both you’ll cheer twice as hard for yourself.
Heh. Somewhere or other, I have a picture I took of a plate of food – a pork chop, some peas, and some mashed potatoes. I was going through a particularly bad patch at the time; I used to curl up under my kitchen table from the sheer emotional anguish. One day, I decided to make myself a nice dinner, and it turned out really well. So I took a picture to remind myself that I was capable of doing at least one thing without screwing it up. It was a little thing, but it was something.
It doesn’t matter what it is – washing the dishes, making a sandwich, going for a walk around the block – but start very small and take small steps forward. That’s how to get through this.
Hey Priceguy. Thinking about you. Tell us how you’re doing?? Did you get your appointment moved up?
You’re a good person, IWLN. Going with you. Priceguy, How are you doing, man?