# Describe a 2016 presidential candidate in one sentence **URL:** \ **Category:** Politics & Elections\ **Created:** [May 5, 2015, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331 "2015-05-05T18:31:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![parkona\_driveway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d26b3c/32.png) [@parkona\_driveway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parkona_driveway)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2015, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/1 "2015-05-05T18:31:26Z")
I have a short attention span and limited enthusiasm, so this should help bring me up to speed. Thanks in advance. I’ll start by borrowing from the **Mike Huckabee** thread: > [@Huckabee's 2016 bid](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/huckabees-2016-bid/719318/4): > > Except for wanting the US to be a Christian theocracy, he’s basically a nice man. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2015, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/2 "2015-05-05T19:09:07Z")
Indictment pending. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2015, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/3 "2015-05-05T19:13:31Z")
Bernie Sanders reminds me of my uncle. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2015, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/4 "2015-05-05T19:18:28Z")
Despite plenty of valid reasons for rejecting him, Christie will lose the nomination because he hugged Obama. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2015, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/5 "2015-05-05T19:50:08Z")
Carly Fiorina: Ruined HP, so why not give her a crack at the rest of the country? ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2015, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/6 "2015-05-05T20:30:52Z")
Shamelessly stealing from Bill Maher: Marco Rubio is pretty soft on Mexicans for an Italian. Chris Christie actually touched Obama during Hurricane Sandy when he should have lured him to the Pine Barrens and hit him with a shovel. Michele Bachmann compromised on gays by marrying her husband. OK, I know MBACH isn’t on the roster this time around but I couldn’t resist. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2015, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/7 "2015-05-05T22:07:20Z")
> [@](#): > > (Whomsoever) said nothing; he flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions. Stephen Leacock, Canadian humorist. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/8 "2015-05-06T15:56:26Z")
Jeb Bush: Probably not as bad as his brother. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/9 "2015-05-06T16:11:54Z")
Bernie Sanders knows he won’t be POTUS, but it doesn’t matter, he’s running to push the goalposts/Overton Window leftward, and America **needs** that **bad.** ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/10 "2015-05-06T16:13:28Z")
Huckabee/Cruz/Walker speaks powerfully to America’s disembrained. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/11 "2015-05-06T17:33:03Z")
Bobby Jindal: how can someone so nerdy be so stupid? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/12 "2015-05-06T17:36:13Z")
Charles Pierce has already done Scott Walker better than I can, so here’s his: Scott Walker: the goggle-eyed homunculus hired by Koch Industries to manage their subsidiary formerly known as the state of Wisconsin. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/13 "2015-05-06T18:14:19Z")
Scott Walker: Always look for the anti-union label. Ted Cruz: Could you, would you vote for him in the rain? On a train? On a box? With a fox? Rand Paul: Certified by his own board! Marco Rubio: Bringing Cuba policy back to the 1960s! Jeb Bush: Come and listen to a story 'bout a Bush named Jeb… Bernie Sanders: Go left, young man, go left. Hillary Clinton: Too old for cramps! ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2015, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/14 "2015-05-06T23:34:23Z")
A phony with no scruples. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/15 "2015-05-07T00:05:07Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > A phony with no scruples. That’s Jeb all right! ---
**Author:** ![WillFarnaby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/willfarnaby/32/514_2.png) [@WillFarnaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WillFarnaby)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/16 "2015-05-07T19:25:49Z")
Hillary Clinton just wants the rich to pay their fair share…in speaking fees. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/17 "2015-05-07T19:36:19Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > A phony with no scruples. > [@kayaker](#): > > Indictment pending. Couldja narrow the field a little bit and toss a name in there, maybe? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/18 "2015-05-07T20:14:16Z")
Martin O’Malley: Capable, effective Mayor of Baltimore and Governor of Maryland; hopes to be liberal alternative to Hillary with actual executive experience. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/19 "2015-05-07T20:26:23Z")
> [@Buck\_Godot](#): > > Jeb Bush: > Probably not as bad as his brother. I like that! Jeb: probably not as bad as the worst President of my lifetime. 🙂 A couple of minor candidates: Jim Gilmore: a failed governor of Virginia. Bob Ehrlich: a failed governor of Maryland. ---
**Author:** ![WillFarnaby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/willfarnaby/32/514_2.png) [@WillFarnaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WillFarnaby)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2015, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331/20 "2015-05-07T20:31:12Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Martin O’Malley: Capable, effective Mayor of Baltimore and Governor of Maryland; hopes to be liberal alternative to Hillary with actual executive experience. Martin O’Malley: Rigging crime stats in Baltimore and rigging education stats in Maryland gives O’Malley support among the empirically minded liberal sophisticate. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/describe-a-2016-presidential-candidate-in-one-sentence/719331.md?page=2)