# Design "Straight Dope World" - a new theme park (reprise) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 20, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827 "2014-02-20T23:10:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/1 "2014-02-20T23:10:27Z")
Rather than resurrect this [zombie](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=16443828#post16443828) from last year, I decided to ask the question again, as there are new members and new technology to incorporate into this project. The proposition: > [@](#): > > From the ground up. Funds are unlimited, and any location in the world is available. > > Where should it be? What features, attractions, entertainment, rides, exhibits, restaurants, accommodations, etc.? Family area, adults only area, teen section, child care, pet sitting. It has to appeal to a broad range of types: geeks, cooks, pet lovers, intensely political/argumentative types, introverts, party animals, sports lovers, couch potatoes, danger lovers, fraidy cats, career-minded people, as well as slackers. > > But it must have features that uniquely mark it as a Straight Dope Enterprise. > > Go forth and design! If you posted on this topic before, go ahead and repeat yourself as no one remembers (or likely cares) what you said back then. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/2 "2014-02-21T00:01:28Z")
Given recent legal developments, the park needs to be in either Colorado or Washington. There must be a bar. Possibly several. At least one where only classic rock/60s folk music is played. There must be a stage, with open mike times available for doper musical types. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/3 "2014-02-21T01:07:50Z")
Requisition: Airplane, treadmill, queue ropes. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/4 "2014-02-21T01:43:34Z")
Squid Tank and Goat Corral ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/5 "2014-02-21T02:12:26Z")
Park employees answer every visitor’s question with, “Cite?” There’s a special, secret team of mascots whose mission is to belittle each visitor’s poor spelling and grammar. The BBQ PIT should be a dark, red-themed nightclub decorated with Chinese-style dragon fangs and billowing with dry ice smoke; above the front door the sign reads, “ABANDON ALL HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER!” Park administrators randomly pick up and move visitors from IMHO-Land to GQ-Land, then to MPSIMS-Land, then to GD-Land, and so on and so on. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/6 "2014-02-21T03:03:31Z")
Anyone who fails to make his/her subjects and verbs agree will be put in a pit where bystanders will pelt them spitballs made out of wadded up pages from Strunk & White. There will be a special area called “I just got a new kitten,” and no one who doesn’t like kittens will ever be forced to go there. (Some of us OTOH will spend LOTS of time there, ooooo-ing and aaaahhh-ing and making little purring noises.) The food court will be ginormous with every cuisine, fast food, and health food imaginable. Special section for comfort food and Stuff My Mom Used to Make. A booth dedicated entirely to Marmite with workshops instructing curious outsiders in the mysteries thereof (curiouser and curiouser). The Vegemite booth will be beside it[del]self[/del]. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/7 "2014-02-21T03:22:44Z")
No money is accepted for payment inside the park. You have to exchange your currency for Cecils. There will be a dunk the Religious (or Anti-Religious) Nut game. One for every religion/denomination/flavour. 3 balls for a Cecil! Of course, there will be a a long parkway leading to a roomy driveway where you can park. The mascots will be someone wearing a plucked turkey suit with a mortarboard hat or someone wearing a weird animal costume. The weird animal will be a Gry. There will be bleachers around the BBQ Pit and free popcorn. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/8 "2014-02-21T03:29:26Z")
And a “Whack the Troll” game for the kiddies. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/9 "2014-02-21T04:02:42Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > The food court will be ginormous with every cuisine, fast food, and health food imaginable. But no spam. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/10 "2014-02-21T04:08:20Z")
Got to have a TV room for all the series that get ongoing CS threads, with marathons of classic stuff mixed in. And another one, probably on the other side of the park, for sports. ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/11 "2014-02-21T04:14:49Z")
Many Grey and beige bummer-zones. People can go there to complain and feel sorry for themselves. Also put in panty locks so the chorizo can’t channel the fin if you know what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/12 "2014-02-21T04:28:49Z")
> [@Cubsfan](#): > > Many Grey and beige bummer-zones. People can go there to complain and feel sorry for themselves. Also put in panty locks so the chorizo can’t channel the fin if you know what I mean. Surrounded by a balcony, from which the rest of us can toss water balloons, shoot paintballs, etc. at the buzzkillers. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/13 "2014-02-21T04:47:15Z")
Zombieland. Dunk the Conspiracy Theorist. The Unobtainium Vaults, where proponents of the latest too-good-to-be-true (therefore, um, untrue) scientific ideas can demonstrate latest developments. High yield cold fusion, et cetera. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/14 "2014-02-21T07:19:46Z")
How about The Legal Ride!?! One of those educational Disney type, slooooow moving rides where we learn the Truth About Florida’s SYG Law and the Evolution Of the Paper Towel Tube Defense while cruising along watching automatons act it out? 😃 Kidding, kidding, kidding… It’d be cool to have a bar named The Ongoing Guitar Bar! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/15 "2014-02-21T16:40:05Z")
The Celebrity Death Pool, a game which will be centered around an actual pool with soccer-ball-sized floats with the names and pictures of living celebs on them. The money you pay to play will let you pick the names of 13 celebs. Any that don’t already have floats in the pool get added when you put them on your list. For the price of admission, you also get 5 caltrops to throw at the floats from outside the pool. You get points for any celebs on your list that get popped by you or anyone else playing at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/16 "2014-02-21T17:10:51Z")
From the original thread: > [@Design "Straight Dope World," a new theme park](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/3): > > A ride like Buzz Lightyear where you can shoot targets with a 1920’s style “death ray”, including a corpse that pops up with a sign that says “gotcha ya!” Yeah, gotta have this. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/17 "2014-02-21T17:17:54Z")
You need a line of automated booths, like the fortuneteller machine from “Big”, only each of them has a banner that reads “Ask Me Anything!” and inside you’ve got a fireman, a lesbian, a Disney Mascot, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/18 "2014-02-21T17:23:01Z")
The park needs to be in Chicago, surely? We could also have PacificStraightDopeWorld at the bottom of the Marianas Trench. > [@Cubsfan](#): > > …put in panty locks so the chorizo can’t channel the fin if you know what I mean. 😕 > [@Locrian](#): > > How about The Legal Ride!?! One of those educational Disney type, slooooow moving rides where we learn the Truth About Florida’s SYG Law and the Evolution Of the Paper Towel Tube Defense while cruising along watching automatons act it out? 😃 Too much like the real thing. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/19 "2014-02-21T18:25:44Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > And a “Whack the Troll” game for the kiddies. “Whack-a-Troll” People who demonstrate ignorance will be given boxing gloves and told to settle their differences in the boxing ring. The rest of us can settle in to watch the “Fighting Ignorants” on a big screen TV in a bar. “Cecilville! The Happiest Cite in the World!” ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827/20 "2014-02-21T18:40:57Z")
Instead of Milk Bottles, we will have a knock down the strawman game. The dunk both/tank will be over a quarry. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park-reprise/681827.md?page=2)