# Design "Straight Dope World," a new theme park **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 5, 2013, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716 "2013-07-05T13:53:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/61 "2013-07-05T22:07:18Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > And of course the booth where blindfolded contestants will take the “Is it cilantro, or is it soap?” challenge. You mean \*is it cilantro or did someone just throw up. \* ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/62 "2013-07-05T22:19:33Z")
Admission is free but someone follows you around whispering ad slogans in your ear every fifteen minutes. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/63 "2013-07-05T22:25:31Z")
> [@Peanuthead](#): > > Admission is free but someone follows you around whispering ad slogans in your ear every fifteen minutes. Unless you buy an annual pass. ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/64 "2013-07-06T01:08:10Z")
Don’t forget to stop at the Too-Much-Information Booth. ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/65 "2013-07-06T03:45:51Z")
How about a “Dunk the Mod” tank? ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/66 "2013-07-06T03:50:07Z")
There has to be a marriage/relationship counselor attraction, where the counselor is an animatronic armchair psychologist whose only lines are variations on “break up with each other”. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/67 "2013-07-06T14:10:16Z")
I think we can take it as read that no cellular or mobile phones will be allowed in the park, since everyone allegedly hates them. Doctors and emergency service personnel will be allowed a turn-of-the century model which can handle calls and text messages, but no picture messaging, because that would promote Communism and impurify the nation’s bodily essences or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/68 "2013-07-06T14:44:10Z")
> [@Peanuthead](#): > > How about a “Dunk the Mod” tank? At first I thought you said drunk mod. But that would be redundant. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/69 "2013-07-06T14:58:47Z")
The only parking lot for SUVs will be through a winding mountain pass, only those hauling horse trailers will be admitted. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/70 "2013-07-06T15:11:28Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > I think we can take it as read that no cellular or mobile phones will be allowed in the park, since everyone allegedly hates them. And certainly no televisions, except in Cafe Societyland. But they only have 3-d screens, but as a compromise to those who think 3-d is a gimmick, no goggles will be provided. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/71 "2013-07-06T20:49:58Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > I think we can take it as read that no cellular or mobile phones will be allowed in the park, since everyone allegedly hates them. > > Doctors and emergency service personnel will be allowed a turn-of-the century model which can handle calls and text messages, but no picture messaging, because that would promote Communism and impurify the nation’s bodily essences or something like that. There should be something in the mission statement about pure bodily essences. We must have them, keep them, maintain them. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/72 "2013-07-06T22:20:11Z")
> [@Goosie](#): > > How about an Atheist Paradise Exhibit, where you can remake your country and then the world into how you’d like it to be. And the obligatory Sink The Creationist dunk tank. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/73 "2013-07-06T22:56:09Z")
Park security will of course wear full Nazi regalia, from the jackboots on up. Trying to sell Spam in the park will be a capital offense. ---
**Author:** ![BlakeTyner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@BlakeTyner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlakeTyner)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2013, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/74 "2013-07-06T22:58:05Z")
You can ask for whatever you want at the food stands, but the clerks will simply ignore you, tell you that Straight Dope World is a _vegan_ theme park, and serve you accordingly. The compromise is that buckeye cookies are available, for free. The First Aid hut is staffed 24/7 by **QtM**. And don’t forget to visit the Hall of White Guilt, where creepy robot representations will educate YOU in the non-textbook-version of world history. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/75 "2013-07-07T02:31:19Z")
Come one, come all to the Hall of the Secrets of the Universe! Learn the incredible story of **14 k of g in a f p d**. Discover all the words in the English language that end in **-gry.** You’ll see the **Illuminati** unmasked and the **conspiracies** of 9/11, the Kennedy assassination, the Moon landing and the martial law plots of Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George H. Bush and Ronald Reagan revealed! ---
**Author:** ![Noel\_Prosequi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b19c9b/32.png) [@Noel\_Prosequi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noel_Prosequi)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/76 "2013-07-07T13:32:12Z")
Don’t forget the Shrine to the Miracle of the Distorted Bell Curve, where everyone has IQs and genitals WAAAY better than average. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/77 "2013-07-07T13:49:38Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > A “Great Debates” attraction where you get to argue with a brick wall. Forever. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/78 "2013-07-07T14:31:52Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > Thelma, **myself** and a growing group of friends are working on a very similar concept. It will have a Grammar Nazi booth with games like “Spot the Misused Pronoun”. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/79 "2013-07-07T14:36:59Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Well there would have to be some sort of zombie attraction, wouldn’t there? We’re sorry. This exhibit isn’t open. Please check back on the exhibit in a couple of years. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2013, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716/80 "2013-07-07T14:37:40Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > There would be a “20,00 Leagues Under the Sea” type ride except you would visit a mock-up of Mariana’s Trench. The ride lasts for 20 minutes. and it only works once. The Haunted House ride is really pretty boring as there are not ghosts in it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-straight-dope-world-a-new-theme-park/662716.md?page=5)