# Design the SDMB TV Network! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 25, 2003, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351 "2003-02-25T05:27:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/1 "2003-02-25T05:27:27Z")
I’ve had it with TV programming executives. They have absolutely no idea what they’re doing. Just review any thread about any beloved series that’s on the brink of cancellation, and you’ll find a list of grievances against the way the show was handled that’s as long as your arm. Or both arms. Or both arms of several really long-armed people. It seems like TV writers and directors and producers are dying to make quality television, and some incompetent suits with MBAs and a suspicious resemblance to Yahoo Serious are beating them down until all anyone ends up turning out is the equivalent of late-run episodes of Full House. A band of rabid orangutans could do better. And we’re better than a band of rabid orangutans. Mostly. So, let’s do it. Let’s make a network that will make our hearts swell and burst. Let’s talk about what we want to see on prime time, on late night, on daytime, on insomniac time. How do we program weekends? What reruns do we buy? What original programming will we develop, and most importantly, how will we deal with the development process? And how will we treat the shows once they’re on the air, so they get the fair shake they deserve? There must be a better way to do things. You know this if you’ve watched a half hour of network TV lately. And if anyone can figure out how it should be done, it’s us. What do you think, sirs? ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/2 "2003-02-25T07:09:59Z")
Let’s see, some must-haves: (I know I’m forgetting a bunch) The Family Guy Star Trek- all series Buffy 24 Princess Bride Star Wars, original trilogy Star Trek, all films ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/3 "2003-02-25T07:11:44Z")
International news. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/4 "2003-02-25T08:20:30Z")
9:00 MASH 9:30 MASH 10:00 MASH 10:30 MASH 11:00 Star Trek 12:00 MASH 12:30 MASH 1:00 MASH 1:30 The Family Guy 2:00 MASH 2:30 MASH 3:00 Star Trek 4:00 MASH 4:30 MASH 5:00 Junkyard Wars 6:00 Star Trek 7:00 MASH 7:30 The Simpsons 8:00 MASH 8:30 The Family Guy 9:00 Junkyard Wars 10:00 The Daily Show 10:30 The Tick 11:00 The Simpsons 12:00 MASH 12:30 Conan 1:30 Porno ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/5 "2003-02-25T08:46:29Z")
12:00pm – Curling 3:00 – Hour of Simpsons 4:00 – various rare sports 6:00 – interesting documentary 7:00 – Really good, classic music videos not shown anymore 9:00 – jazz performances 11:00 – More curling 2:00am – Old-fashioned blue movies ---
**Author:** ![A\_wizard\_song\_for\_thee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/46a35a/32.png) [@A\_wizard\_song\_for\_thee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_wizard_song_for_thee)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/6 "2003-02-25T09:00:25Z")
Firefly, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![Innanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecd19e/32.png) [@Innanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Innanna)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/7 "2003-02-25T15:02:33Z")
Wouldn’t we _have_ to include the Straight Dope TV show? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/8 "2003-02-25T15:12:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by blowero \* > \*\*9:00 MASH > 9:30 MASH > 10:00 MASH > 10:30 MASH > 11:00 Star Trek > 12:00 MASH > 12:30 MASH > 1:00 MASH > 1:30 The Family Guy > 2:00 MASH > 2:30 MASH > 3:00 Star Trek > 4:00 MASH > 4:30 MASH > 5:00 Junkyard Wars > 6:00 Star Trek > 7:00 MASH > 7:30 The Simpsons > 8:00 MASH > 8:30 The Family Guy > 9:00 Junkyard Wars > 10:00 The Daily Show > 10:30 The Tick > 11:00 The Simpsons > 12:00 MASH > 12:30 Conan > 1:30 Porno \*\* You fool! You’ve just copied the TNN lineup! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/9 "2003-02-25T17:05:51Z")
_MST3K Monty Python’s Flying Circus_ ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/10 "2003-02-25T17:09:14Z")
I’ll second M_A_S\*H, the Simpsons (originals and reruns both), and Star Trek in all its permutations. And yes, we’ll definitely want some quality porno late at night. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/11 "2003-02-25T17:09:53Z")
Ziiiiimmmm!!! ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/12 "2003-02-25T17:24:58Z")
12:01 am-11:59 pm: 24 With that chicks-wrestling beer commercial as the only advertising. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/13 "2003-02-25T17:55:56Z")
The Daily Scrubs CSI Dinner for Five Inside the Actor’s Studio 24 PTI Simpsons Bullshit! WGN Morning News: Chicago NewsRadio This is basically my Tivo list. Good idea! ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/14 "2003-02-25T18:10:38Z")
Wonder Woman Challenge of the Superfriends Birds of Prey Buffy the Vampire Slayer Angel Gilmore Girls Will & Grace Simpsons Futurama BBC World News So Graham Norton Mrs. Bradley Mysteries Forever Knight Pasadena Dark Angel Mysteries & Scandals French & Saunders Mary Tyler Moore Rhoda Phyllis ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/15 "2003-02-25T18:27:33Z")
10:00 PM – The Lord of the Rings Show (Talk) Noted authors discuss how they would have written the classic JRR Tolkein fantasy. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/16 "2003-02-25T18:33:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kunilou \* > \*\*10:00 PM – The Lord of the Rings Show (Talk) > Noted authors discuss how they would have written the classic JRR Tolkein fantasy. \*\* 😃 Good one - I just about choked on my coffee reading that. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/17 "2003-02-25T19:02:13Z")
Considering this board can’t even agree on the best flavor of grape juice, I can’t imagine the network would ever get beyond the status of vaguely scrambled porn. Of course, that would still be better than UPN or the WB. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/18 "2003-02-25T19:32:32Z")
3:00 Tars Tarkas fornicates with Many women followed by 4:00 Tars Tarkas visits the free clinic, and at 5:00 Tars Tarkas stars in It Burns When i Pee. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/19 "2003-02-25T19:43:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tars Tarkas \* > \*\*3:00 Tars Tarkas fornicates with Many women > > followed by 4:00 Tars Tarkas visits the free clinic, and at 5:00 Tars Tarkas stars in It Burns When i Pee. \*\* Magnifying glasses for viewing will be sold at Plaid Pantrys around the country. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351/20 "2003-02-25T20:05:17Z")
I want to give **Polycarp** Sunday morning. One, two, four hours of programming; whatever he wants. I’d love to see what sort of show he’d put together. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/design-the-sdmb-tv-network/157351.md?page=2)