# Desperate Plea for Dead Squirrels! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 17, 2000, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664 "2000-08-17T03:08:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/1 "2000-08-17T03:08:26Z")
Ok, I need 7 dead squirrels. Preferably in good shape. No guts spilling out of their stomach, or severed limbs or anything like that. The physical appearance of the squirrels needs to be such that I can claim I didn’t kill them myself. Any ideas on the best way to get them? Best = cheapest and least time. I live in a major metropolitan area, and don’t own a gun, so shooting the squirrels myself is out. Scraping them off the road won’t work well either, because they’ll be smashed to pieces. I need good, solid carcasses, freshly killed. I am very open to poison. Advice from someone with personal experience in this area would be immensely appreciated. Suggested methods of application would be good as well. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![tiggeril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggeril/32/7234_2.png) [@tiggeril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiggeril)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/2 "2000-08-17T03:09:19Z")
::blink:: Why…? ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/3 "2000-08-17T03:09:32Z")
Oh yeah, I need to have them bagged no later than a week from now, and 3 or 4 days would be best. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/4 "2000-08-17T03:18:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tiggeril \* > \*\*::blink:: > > Why…? \*\* A prank. I can’t give more details right now, but if I get my dead squirrels, a full description of the hilarious (trust me) hijinks will be posted. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/5 "2000-08-17T03:20:19Z")
Squirrel urgently needs dead humans. Respond please. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/6 "2000-10-02T13:07:02Z")
I think I’m going to cry :eek: I somehow doubt anything to do with murdered squirrels would be ‘hilarious’ ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/7 "2000-10-02T13:44:59Z")
Well, according to my copy of _Barron’s Dictionary of Legal Terms_, murder is “unlawful killing of another human being with premeditated intent or malice aforethought.” My copy of the _Oxford American Dictionary_ concurs that an essential factor for something to be murder is that it involve a human. So, I guess you can rest easy on that count. Perhaps “slaughter” would be a more accurate term to use. ---
**Author:** ![Peta\_Tzunami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b487fb/32.png) [@Peta\_Tzunami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peta_Tzunami)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/8 "2000-10-02T14:03:55Z")
I agree with OpalCat. Waterj2: I also see definitions saying "to kill brutally or inhumanely. You might also look up “[speciesism](http://www.dictionary.com/cgi-bin/dict.pl?term=speciesist)” or “speciesist.” ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/9 "2000-10-02T14:11:52Z")
Sorry for stealing a line from **SILENT\_BOB** , but… :eek: :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/10 "2000-10-02T14:23:21Z")
I suspect the best way to get 'em would be to slip a few bills to somebody at your local department of animal control. I don’t even want to know what your planning… ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/11 "2000-10-02T14:47:07Z")
Is your intended usage anywhere on this list? [101 Uses for a Dead Squirrel](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=37689) ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/12 "2000-10-02T15:25:09Z")
did you see Tatertot’s “I Wish I Knew How It Turned Out” thread? This is the "I Don’t Wanna Know How It Turned Out " thread… ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/13 "2000-10-02T15:29:45Z")
::sniffle:: ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/14 "2000-10-02T15:44:56Z")
Too bad you didn’t ask about a year ago when I had a bunch of squirrels invading my attic. Damn roof rats. ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/15 "2000-10-02T16:11:30Z")
Hey, I’ve got seven dead CueCat’s I can give you. Will that do? (Granted, I’ve gutted two or three of 'em). ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/16 "2000-10-02T18:35:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SouthernStyle \* > **Is your intended usage anywhere on this list? > [101 Uses for a Dead Squirrel](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=37689)** Funny list there, SouthernStyle. “25. Squirrel - the other, “other” white meat” might possibly qualify. Inky, I tried calling animal control with that very idea in mind. I claimed I needed them for an anatomy experiment. They said they basically bury the animals ASAP after they scrape them off the road, and that it’s not really possible to get ahold of them (even for a good cause.) I don’t know what a CueCat is. Is it a skunk? I don’t think that would really work but thanks for the offer. If it’s something squirrel sized, let’s talk 😃 I guess a lot of people don’t view squirrels as the enemy of mankind as I do. I know they look cute and fuzzy, but just look at those beady little eyes. Deep down they want to claw your throat out. Actually, in all seriousness, squirrels are vermin, and that’s why I don’t really have a problem with killing them. I wouldn’t go around trying to kill people’s house cats or something. To quote [dictionary.com](http://dictionary.com) > [@](#): > > Vermin: > 1.Various small animals or insects, such as rats or cockroaches, that are destructive, > annoying, or injurious to health. > 2.Animals that prey on game, such as foxes or weasels. > 3. > a.A person considered loathsome or highly offensive. > b.Such people considered as a group. Heheh, ironically, by 3a, I’m sure some of the people who’ve viewed this thread consider me vermin. Well, ya gotta fight fire with fire. To update: I haven’t acquired any squirrels yet, through killing or any other means, I and probably don’t have time in the immediate future. This is still on my long term “to do” list though. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2000, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/17 "2000-10-02T21:00:31Z")
If you will tell us what you are going to do with them, maybe I can fix you up with some nice rats. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2000, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/18 "2000-10-03T17:54:42Z")
You know, there are a couple of cats in my neighborhood that I wouldn’t mind seeing gone. They like to get up on my vehicles and scratch the paint. Plus one of them is sick and tends to secrete an acidic substance that is just murder on the finish. They may be slightly large for what you have in mind, though. ---
**Author:** ![Sledman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Sledman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sledman)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2000, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/19 "2000-10-03T18:26:14Z")
You guys might be outraged but you know your at least a little curious… Find someone who hunts… 20 gauge with #8 shot should be perfect. Red, fox, gray, black?? Any specific kind needed? ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2000, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664/20 "2000-10-03T19:19:10Z")
Shhhhhh! Be vewwy, vewwy quiet… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperate-plea-for-dead-squirrels/29664.md?page=2)