# Desperately need one liners and short jokes. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 18, 2002, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperately-need-one-liners-and-short-jokes/119517 "2002-07-18T01:49:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperately-need-one-liners-and-short-jokes/119517/41 "2002-07-20T05:26:10Z")
A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says he doesn’s serve string in his bar. The string goes outside and unravels himself and ties himself. He goes back in the bar and asks for a beer. The bartender asks “Aren’t you the string that was just in here?” The strings says no, “I’m afraid not.” ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperately-need-one-liners-and-short-jokes/119517/42 "2002-07-20T05:48:28Z")
How do you ask a partially deaf guy if he wants a rabbit? YOU WANNA RABBIT? What do you call a dog with no legs? Anything you like. Why was the fisherman buried on the west side of the hill? Coz he was dead. Why did the elephant paint the soles of his feey yellow? So you couldn’t see him floating upside down in custard. What did the thirty-ton parrot say? Polly want a cracker **NOW**! What do you call an angry nine-foot tall psychopath with an AK-47? Sir. Don’t worry. Just a little prick with a needle. Yes, but what are you going to do? ---
**Author:** ![Dave\_D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@Dave\_D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_D)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperately-need-one-liners-and-short-jokes/119517/43 "2002-07-20T06:17:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kambuckta \* > \*\*OK Dave, just for you: > > ```php > If you read quarts as QUARTZ, you'll get it. > > ``` > > Gee, I’m so happy that I can enlighten someone (for once!!) \*\* Thanks for the help. I actually ended up figuring it out before I read that while I was on the can. Hey, don’t laugh, I do some of my best thinking in the bathroom:-) ---
**Author:** ![baltotop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@baltotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/baltotop)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperately-need-one-liners-and-short-jokes/119517/44 "2002-07-20T06:55:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FlyingDragonFan \* > \*\*Why were there only 49 contestants in the Miss Ebonics USA Pageant? > Because they couldn’t find anyone to wear the sash that said “Idaho.” \*\* **LOL … HAHAHA** That one was classic. Here are a few that i can remember… -I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. -Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. -Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. And checkout my sig… Hope you can use these… Baltotop ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperately-need-one-liners-and-short-jokes/119517/45 "2002-07-20T07:29:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TheLoadedDog \* > \*\*What do you call a dog with no legs? > Anything you like. \*\* I prefer the other version : Where do you find a dog with no legs ? Where you left it 🙂 My groan-worthy contribution : How do you catch a unique animal ? U-nique up on it 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperately-need-one-liners-and-short-jokes/119517/46 "2002-07-20T13:59:40Z")
friend max torque, > [@](#): > > I’m proud, PROUD I say, that my “small, white and smooth” elephant joke is finally being appreciated by others. this may be the funniest joke i have ever heard. thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperately-need-one-liners-and-short-jokes/119517/47 "2002-07-20T14:51:34Z")
For the Comic Book geeks: Did you hear that FireStar and Iceman had a son? They named him Luke. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/desperately-need-one-liners-and-short-jokes/119517.md?page=2)