# Despite my best efforts, Christmas will be arriving on schedule this year. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 23, 2012, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/despite-my-best-efforts-christmas-will-be-arriving-on-schedule-this-year/644947 "2012-12-23T19:07:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2012, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/despite-my-best-efforts-christmas-will-be-arriving-on-schedule-this-year/644947/1 "2012-12-23T19:07:11Z")
[Evil!Skald] Late yesterday afternoon, at approximately 32:15, there was a dreadful calmor in the RhymerLair. It was the dungeon alarm. I grabbed a laser-axe and raced to the Pit of Despair, but it was too late. Not only had the Claus-beast escaped, but the flying caribou and poncy elves as well; in addition, only 1% of the confiscated Yule presents had been fed into the wood-chipper at that time, and Kringle had managed to retrieve the rest. Clearly I’ve been betrayed by an insider. I suspect it was WhyNot or Oak or Mika; all the lair’s booby-traps are programmed to spare their lives and limbs, and as fond of them as I am, they’re not actually _evil_, and sometimes they get all sentimental and squeamish. Not that it matters. According to my repeater-scope scans, Claus & Company have not only retaken the Workshop but called in Aquaman for reinforcements as well. With the armies of Atlantis defending the Pole, it is simply impractical to ruin Christmas for everyone. I’m sorry, you guys. It’s my own fault for not just chopping his head off as soon as he fell into the trap. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2012, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/despite-my-best-efforts-christmas-will-be-arriving-on-schedule-this-year/644947/2 "2012-12-23T19:10:39Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > [Evil!Skald] > I’m sorry, you guys. It’s my own fault for not just chopping his head off as soon as he fell into the trap. > > ☹ I’ll bet you were monologuing. ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2012, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/despite-my-best-efforts-christmas-will-be-arriving-on-schedule-this-year/644947/3 "2012-12-23T19:39:25Z")
Learn from your mistakes. Better luck next time. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/despite-my-best-efforts-christmas-will-be-arriving-on-schedule-this-year/644947/4 "2012-12-23T21:03:34Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > I’ll bet you were monologuing. Or his cape got snagged. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/despite-my-best-efforts-christmas-will-be-arriving-on-schedule-this-year/644947/5 "2012-12-23T21:13:28Z")
You have failed us all. Hang your head in shame. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2012, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/despite-my-best-efforts-christmas-will-be-arriving-on-schedule-this-year/644947/6 "2012-12-23T21:35:29Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > I’ll bet you were monologuing. I was not _monologuing_. I was _baking_. Mrs. Claus looked was all weepy and stuff when I threw Kringle and the rest into the Pit, so I sat her down in the sitting room and gave her some tea and went to make her ginger bread men so she wouldn’t feel so bad. Yes, I did leave the keys to the dungeon pit unattended during this time so in theory she had access to them but she’d given her word not to do anything. What? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2012, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/despite-my-best-efforts-christmas-will-be-arriving-on-schedule-this-year/644947/7 "2012-12-23T22:29:12Z")
Wasn’t me! I may have, just once, gone to schnuzzle the schnozzle of one of those cute little reindeer, but that disgusting creature in the red coat kept calling me a Ho. Bastard. I’ll show him some claws…