# Destroy All Monsters! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 3, 2001, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490 "2001-09-03T05:20:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2001, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/1 "2001-09-03T05:20:08Z")
Choose your Japanese monster movie dream team! Let’s say you could choose any three monsters to be on your team to fight the latest terrifying menace from outer space/dimension X/wherever it is these days that terrifying menaces to Japan come from. Who would you choose and why? You gotta pick Godzilla of course, because, well, because he’s freakin’ GODZILLA, but who else would you choose? ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2001, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/2 "2001-09-03T05:25:28Z")
Gotta agree with Godzilla! The other two are a bit more difficult, though… maybe Gehedra (sp?), and I’ve always been fond of Gamera [sup]Gamera is really neat/He is full of turtle meat/ We believe in Gaameeeeeeraaaa![/sup]. But Mothra? I mean, WTF? A giant _MOTH_??😕 What’s it going to do, _moth_ someone to death? ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2001, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/3 "2001-09-03T05:27:32Z")
Why would you not just pick all of them? After all, the way you rate a Godzilla movie is by starting at one star and then adding a star for every additional monster. ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2001, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/4 "2001-09-03T07:25:51Z")
You can’t just go picking all of them–there’s union bylaws to follow. Godzilla is, of course, the standard unit of measure of both monster performance. Of course he’s on the team. Now, I’m going to assume that, for the purposes of repelling said menace, that previous grudges will be waived or suspended, and bygones will be bygones. This is important, because since Godzilla’s the standard unit of measurement, I want two other monsters that come the closest to it, and those would be the two that have kicked the big G’s ass most severely. Sometimes that’s a judgment call. I’m going to vote for the Smog Monster–Hidorah or some similar sounding name–as he pounded the snot out of the big guy, moreso than is usual. And for the third member, Destoroyah, the giant ubermonster that evolved from the use of the Oxygen Destroyer used in Tokyo Bay against the very first G event, because arguably it scored a kill (technical only–he melted from inner heat prostration) against our standard. That’ll be the core team. If supporting members are allowed, say they’re allowed to show up if the latest menace to Tokyo pulls some underhanded trick, things get a little more open. Biollante would be useful with the proper strategy, being unkillable. Mechagodzilla has also put in very nice showings, but needs a lot of infrastructure to keep in the field. And I don’t like it, but if the nature of the menace requires Godzilla to be in heroic mode rather than force-of-nature mode, union bylaws will probably demand an annoyingly shrill small Japanese boy to run around and be in danger, with the usual supporting characters. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2001, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/5 "2001-09-03T12:39:39Z")
OK, Godzilla of course. But he IS landbound so you need something that flies. There’s Rodan and Ghidrah for me. The latter even has an advantage of three heads to fire those “laser/lightning bolts” with. ---
**Author:** ![Pyrrho12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b2d939/32.png) [@Pyrrho12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyrrho12)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/6 "2001-09-03T16:47:36Z")
**Godzilla** would be first, of course, since he’s king of the monsters. In terms of firepower and sheer bad-assitude, you can’t beat the Big G. My second would have to be **Gamera** ; he’s a movie headliner, like **Godzilla** , so that ought to count for something. He can fly, swim, breathe fire, and is said to be somewhat more intelligent than the average giant monster. For the third monster I was initially wavering between **King Ghidora** and **Destroyah** , but then the obvious choice occured to me. **Pikachu**. Sure, he won’t be much use in the fight, but what other monster has the financial clout to sponsor a defending-the-earth-from-hostile-aliens team? With the full commercial power of the international **Pokemon** empire behind us, we will be invincible!!! Maybe we can even arrange a hostile takeover before the [alien invasion force](http://animeart.com/ariel/) has a chance to unload its monsters… ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/7 "2001-09-04T01:55:07Z")
Well, first off I’m taking Hedorah (aka The Smog Monster) since he gave ole Godzilla a pretty good run for the money. Plus he had that groovy disco soundtrack going with him ("Save the Earth! Save the Earth! Join the solution, stop pollution! Save the Earth!). But mainly because he could probably whomp Godzilla in a straight-up fight. As I recall, Godzilla had to electrocute him or something and whenever they have to resort to something besides sheer ass-kicking, it’s always a pretty cheesy win. The obvious second choice would be Ghidrah. Heck, it took Godzilla, Rodan and Mothra to bring Ghidrah down. Of course, Mothra couldn’t take down a VW Bug without help, but anyways… However, he’s too obvious. I’m going to go with a real dark horse candidate here and whip out the awesom power of… Angilas Yes, Angilas. Who the hell is Angilas? He’s that spikey ankylosaur looking thingie from _Destroy All Monsters_. Actually, he fought that Godzilla knock-off _Gigantis_ and, according to that movie, he’s about the same size and mass as Godzilla and can throw quite a ruckus. Plus, he’s covered with spikes so that’s a real benfit and… umm… ok, I’m only picking him because I knew no one else would and I felt sorry for the guy. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/8 "2001-09-04T02:28:04Z")
How about the super-giant-colossal-sized King Kong from _King Kong vs. Godzilla_? Then if we put Ghidra on the same team, he could breathe his lightning bolts **at** King Kong – because as we remember from the film, “Electricity makes Kong stronger”! ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/9 "2001-09-04T03:15:54Z")
> [@](#): > > But mainly because he could probably whomp Godzilla in a straight-up fight. As I recall, Godzilla had to electrocute him or something and whenever they have to resort to something besides sheer ass-kicking, it’s always a pretty cheesy win. Precisely this is why the monsters involved had better be professional enough to put the past behind them. For one thing, Hedorah has reason to carry a grudge as Godzilla spent a large chunk of time tearing eggs out of its electrocuted carcass and smashing them to bits. Hedorah’s an odd case all around–the Japanese army came mighty close to taking him out without the big G’s help, using two bigass electrodes. Godzilla ended up using his plasma breath to power those electrodes after the power got cut, as I recall. That was the rumble that Godzilla learned to fly using his breath as thrust, so Hedorah’s inclusion seems to help the big G get good ideas he wouldn’t otherwise. Classic Ghidrah would be a good choice upon reflecting on it. The later version of King Ghidorah, however, simply doesn’t make the cut in my opinion–Godzilla took him out easily enough. When he was rebuilt as MechaKing Ghidorah, they were more evenly matched, but an enormous amount depends on who’s piloting the critter then. In exact reverse is the Mothra situation–the classic model was pretty hopeless, but the newer version did pretty well against him. Of course, she would have done far worse without Battra suspending a running grudge (as I say, monster professionalism) and helping her out. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/10 "2001-09-04T05:59:05Z")
My vote’s for **Minya** , a.k.a. Son of Godzilla, a.k.a. “The Little One,” a.k.a. Godzooky (?). You don’t wanna get in his way when he starts blowing smoke rings! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/11 "2001-09-04T07:38:38Z")
Don’t hurt me! I’m too young to be destroyed!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/12 "2001-09-04T12:37:56Z")
You are all Fifth Columnists and spies. 😉 Godzilla, indeed. Phui. :wally Oh, sure–in **Godzilla:1985** , he gave his best performance ever. Critical acclaim. Patrick Stewart praising him at the MTV Awards. All that good jazz. But, after that Hollywood 'spectacular" of his, it is obvious that Goshzilly no longer has The Rage[sub]tm[/sub]. And without The Rage[sub]tm[/sub] he isn’t any more frightening than a pile of dog doodie. No. The title of _King of he Monsters_ is ripped from the scaly pretender, & given back to the True Master of The Rage[sub]tm[/sub]. **King Kong Rules!** **He** has The Rage[sub]tm[/sub]. The once and future Kong. Long Live The King. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/13 "2001-09-04T12:51:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jophiel \* > \*\* Actually, he fought that Godzilla knock-off _Gigantis_ and, according to that movie, he’s about the same size and mass as Godzilla and can throw quite a ruckus. \*\* Psst, **Jophiel** , [check this out](http://www.stomptokyo.com/godzillatemple/index2.htm). Go to the Movie reviews section. You will find out that Godzilla and Gigantis are one and the same (kind off). ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/14 "2001-09-04T12:56:49Z")
[South Park] Bah-bu-rah! Bah-bu-rah! [/South Park] 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/15 "2001-09-04T14:06:09Z")
My apologies, **tracer**. You are a true & loyal Ape-Fan. Didn’t see your post. **KONG RUUUULLLLLLEESS!!!** 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/16 "2001-09-04T15:26:55Z")
Bah! According to the _Encyclopedia of Monsters_, they’re two different beasts! So there! Of course, this means we could have both Godzilla and Gigantis on a single team which hardly seems fair. And, you know, I’m starting to like my Angilas choice. All the other monsters have fire breath, shoot silk, make gale force winds, shoot energy beams, fly around in the most inane fashion and things like that. Not my boy Angilas. He just kicks butt by kicking your butt. There’s no electric power stations, liquid nitrogen, chemical stun gasses or whatever other cheesy things the other guys used in their movies to help them out on Monster Island; you gotta survive by being tough. If Angilas wasn’t one toughened hombre, he’d have been traded for a pack of cigarettes his first week on the island. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/17 "2001-09-04T17:57:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > Oh, sure–in **Godzilla:1985** , he gave his best performance ever. Critical acclaim. Patrick Stewart praising him at the MTV Awards. All that good jazz. > > But, after that Hollywood 'spectacular" of his, it is obvious that Goshzilly no longer has The Rage[sub]tm[/sub]. Pul-eeeeeeeeeeeeeze! You even **dare** to talk about The One True Godzilla[sub]TM[/sub] and that Devlin/Emerich/Sony cheapo-plastic knockoff as _the same critter?_ BLASPHEMY! You might as well go mistake Jesus H. Christ and Buddy Christ, then. That overgrown Sony iguana was a pathetic knock-off. The original could whomp 'em in five minutes, flat. And The One True Godzilla[sub]TM[/sub] definitely still has The Rage[sub]TM[/sub]. Just look at **Godzilla 2000** – not only does he whup the best weapons Japanese SuperScience[sub]TM[/sub] has to offer, but he also gets revenge on Devlin and Emerich by walloping a galactic invader that’s lifted _straight_ out of the **ID4** playbook. And to address the OP: If you’ve got Godzilla on your side, everyone else is superfluous. But if I must pick three, then the other two would be Rhodan (for air support) and Charles Barkley (for basketball support). 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/18 "2001-09-04T18:12:07Z")
Gotta go with **Big G** , the other two would be **Angilus** , the spikey guy **Jophiel** likes, because he can be used as a mace (as seen in Godzilla vs. Gigan), and **King Kong**! Of course, **Minya** come with **Godzilla** as well… Although a dream team of All the mecka-monsters would be cool, with **Mecha-Godzilla** , **Mecha-Kong** , and that **Mecha-King Ghidirah** cyborg would be cool, unless they had to fight in the rain and they all rusted… ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/19 "2001-09-04T18:30:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rjung \* > Pul-eeeeeeeeeeeeeze! > > You even **dare** to talk about The One True Godzilla[sub]TM[/sub] and that Devlin/Emerich/Sony cheapo-plastic knockoff as _the same critter?_ BLASPHEMY! You might as well go mistake Jesus H. Christ and Buddy Christ, then. > > That overgrown Sony iguana was a pathetic knock-off. The original could whomp 'em in five minutes, flat. > > And The One True Godzilla[sub]TM[/sub] definitely still has The Rage[sub]TM[/sub]. Just look at **Godzilla 2000** – not only does he whup the best weapons Japanese SuperScience[sub]TM[/sub] has to offer, but he also gets revenge on Devlin and Emerich by walloping a galactic invader that’s lifted _straight_ out of the **ID4** playbook.\*\* The Sony version **is** the original Godzilla. Like all Hollywood has-beens, he has had more plastic surgery than all the girls in the Playboy Mansion put together. BTB–wouldn’t Barkley also count as air support? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490/20 "2001-09-04T18:47:14Z")
Tars Tarkas wrote: > [@](#): > > Although a dream team of All the mecka-monsters would be cool, with **Mecha-Godzilla** , **Mecha-Kong** , and that **Mecha-King Ghidirah** cyborg would be cool, unless they had to fight in the rain and they all rusted… If you’re going to include mecha-monsters, you’ve also gotta include:[ul][li] **Jet Jaguar** from _Godzilla vs. Megalon_. He can grow and shrink, and emit harmless blue light out of his eyes. And:[/li][li] **Giant Robot** from _Voyage Into Space_. He can fire missiles out of his fingertips and looks like the Sphinx from the neck up. Plus, on _Johnny Sako and his Flying Robot_, he also gained the ability to fire lasers from his eyes and breathe fire.[/ul]I do not include Ultraman/Ultra-7 on this list, because he wasn’t really mechanical. (Although he looked like it.)[/li] I also do not include the _Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers_ Zords, because they have human pilots inside them. Plus, they make me wanna puke. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/destroy-all-monsters/79490.md?page=2)