In reality though that just makes things worse. Trying not to think about something ensures that you’ll think about it constantly.
I also have violent thoughts, but I do not dwell on them or elaborate on them. Same thing here.
Homer : Marge, I want you to admit that you have a gambling problem.
Marge : You know, you’re right Homer. May be I should get some professional help.
Homer : No, no - that’s too expensive. Just don’t do it any more.
when you are done with that, how about finding some statistics on men who are unable to act on their desires for regular hetero sex and limit themselves to just fantasizing about such activities? There are quite a few such ticking bomb individuals out there, I would imagine. Gives you chills, huh?
Unlike the above-mentioned scenario, presumably for a pedophile to fulfill his fantasies is a lot harder than for a guy who isn’t good at “with the girls be handy” part. He is also risking a whole lot more if he even tries to do it.
The University of Chicago student body would make an excellent sample set for this.
But seriously…I think most experts agree (no cites, sorry) that a real-world sexual interaction of just about any kind will tend to provide a certain extra level of satisfaction not possible through the virtual sort, but that the virtual sort provides so many other advantages (no wasting time with the dating game, none of the screw-ups which so often occur during RW sex, multiple “partners” much easier to deal with, etc.), that it often takes precedence in an individual’s efforts. This would hold true for deviant and/or illegal sex as well, and that’s why SOMETIMES access to virtual materials can be a factor in reducing the prevalence of the RW variety.
In fact I never had any of those frequently mentioned fantasies of killing your boss/coworker or even violent thoughts for that matter (excepted for a number of dictators, torturers or such people) . The closest I come are fantasies of people being thoroughly humiliated, losing their status, etc… .But anyway, I don’t think those, violent or not, are similar to sexual fantasies or urges.
I do have “evil”(*) sexual fantasies (either morally or even legally wrong if they were acted upon). Frankly, I don’t mind indulging in them, and don’t try to repress them. And I however don’t believe there’s the slightest chance I’m going to act upon them.
But again it’s different from pedophilia. First, I have other fantasies which aren’t wrong (at least by my moral standards, a faithful Christian might disagree), some of them totally unrealistic, others pretty common, others more uncommon but that I could potentially concretize or even have already concretized. And, more importantly, even if it were impossible to me to live any of my fantasies, I still could have regular sex with a partner of my preferred (or least preferred if it came to it) gender without it being an issue.
On the other hand, a pedophile can’t. And I believe that telling him that besides he should also not fantasize is quite a bit over the top. Basically, you’re saying that a pedophile, besides not having sex, shouldn’t even masturbate. Do you think it’s a reasonable demand for a regular individual? Do you think you, personally, would be able to live up to this standard (repressing sexual thoughts, not masturbating, etc…), if whoever/whatever you usually have sex with or fantasize about was suddenly forbidden to you?
(*) In fact, I’ve difficulties with the concept of “evil thoughts”. It reminds me of psychological questionnaire I got during a medical preventive check-up. One of the questions was “I have evil thoughts yes/no” and I was puzzled as to the meaning of the question.
A pedophile doesn’t have to solely be a pedophile. He or she may still be attracted to people above the legal minimum. And as I have prefer not to masturbate and engage in sexual fantasy, I am already trying to do what you have mentioned.
I know about pedophiles. That’s why I wrote “true pedophiles” in previous posts, although indeed not in this one.
Well…If you’re trying to do what you say others should do, I can’t accuse you of being an hypocrite. However, you could probably admit that it’s a lot to ask from most other people.
Or to paraphrase much more simply and elegantly:
“Women!”
I see it as a series of levels of attention and action
First level: People have sexual desires. What these desires are, homosexuality, pediphelia, necrophilia)not really something a person can control. However, the average person can decide to continue to entertain these desires or deliberately try to focus their attention elsewhere.
Second Level: would be to entertain these desires, in the privacy of your own brain, yet not act on them or share them with anyone.
Third Level: Trying to find an acceptable outlet for these desires like finding a consenting partner, viewing porn, or whatever
Fourth Level: This is the one that causes the problems. Its the compulsion to act on these desires. Their orgasm is more important than what is right or wrong. I think the problem is compulsion. Compulsive behavior. Some pedophiliacs have said that they don’t want to hurt children, but the compulsion is too strong to overcome. A rare few have asked for chemical or physical castration or to be left in prison as an effort to protect others from their compulsion. I think that pornography might hold some of the compulsiveness at bay, but it seems more like its treating a symptom rather than the disease.
I may be oversimplifing the issue…
Possibly; but if you can’t cure the disease and it’s the symptoms that are causing the real harm, then treating the symptoms is still a good idea.
Thats what SSRI’s, and Tricyclics are for. Treating the symptoms is always a good idea. Most good treatments are multi-modal.
I am not a fan of porn. The objectification of a person for sexual gratification has always set my teeth on edge. The idea of illustrated porn has me reexamining my feelings about it. It will take some thought. Although I have to say, that the very idea of sexual gratification with the images of children is not one I will ever be able to accept