# Diagnose me over the internet! (Medical knowledge optional.) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 1, 2008, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619 "2008-11-01T19:35:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/21 "2008-11-03T19:16:21Z")
Check the sheriff’s blotter. Were there any reports of someone who looked like you or wearing a similar costume free climbing a local structure? If so, kick your friend’s ass who dared you to do such a crazy stunt. And congratulations on your drunken rock climbing skills. ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/22 "2008-11-03T19:44:56Z")
You know those creepy little eyelash mites they show on The Discovery Channel every once in a while? The ones that live on dead skin at the base of the eyelashes and can only be seen with an electron microscope? You don’t think that’s the only thing living on your skin do you? ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/23 "2008-11-03T21:13:23Z")
try exposing them to rubbing alcohol, mouthwash, aftershave or a saltwater solution. Burn like the dickens? Then you have cuts whether you can see them or not ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/24 "2008-11-03T21:36:33Z")
> [@outlierrn](#): > > try exposing them to rubbing alcohol, mouthwash, aftershave or a saltwater solution. Burn like the dickens? Then you have cuts whether you can see them or not Would squeezing lemons over shrimp count? 'Cause I did that last night, and no problem. The little one wasn’t so lucky, though. She does have a scrape on her hand, and I totally forgot about it when she asked to squeeze lemons with me! Poor poppet. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/25 "2008-11-03T22:37:34Z")
Have you been clawing out of a grave for Halloween? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/26 "2008-11-03T23:44:11Z")
Well, it doesn’t sound like you have either Osler nodes or Janeway lesions, so endocarditis is unlikely, at least. You’re gonna die, though. I guarantee it. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/27 "2008-11-03T23:46:21Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Well, it doesn’t sound like you have either Osler nodes or Janeway lesions, so endocarditis is unlikely, at least. > > You’re gonna die, though. > > I guarantee it. Ooh! Now I get to google new and fun diseases! It’s like an early birthday present! 😃 ETA: Harrumph! Osler’s nodes are also found in lupus. Dr. Mercotan, it’s NEVER lupus! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/28 "2008-11-03T23:51:52Z")
It’s just a flesh wound. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2008, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/29 "2008-11-03T23:57:29Z")
> [@InvisibleWombat](#): > > I thought about leaving it, **WhyNot** , since nobody had posted since yesterday, but it had been reported, and it certainly couldn’t _hurt_ anything to move it to the forum it belonged in. > > BTW, I think your original problem is sleeping with your cat. Sometimes they nibble in the dead of night… You reminded me----I was in a doctor’s waiting room today and I picked up an _Outdoor Life_ magazine. In that magazine was a half page ad from some spa somewhere in Virginia; if one wants a pedicure, one gets to put one’s feet into a tank full of water that contains some kind of vegetarian fish that will eat dead skin. So, the dead skin on your little feet gets chewed off by these fish. Fifty bucks for a half-hour session. I just had to tell about this. ---
**Author:** ![truthbot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@truthbot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthbot)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/30 "2008-11-04T01:44:26Z")
No way I’d pay fifty bucks to be chum! I can sit on the edge of my koi pond and have my pet fish feast on my flesh for free. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/31 "2008-11-04T01:47:58Z")
Did you make sure, the last time you clipped your nails, that nothing fell under the nail? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/32 "2008-11-04T02:37:38Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > it’s NEVER lupus! Meh. Tell that to my patients with lupus. But not if they’ve got a shank, or it’ll be off to the trauma center for you. ---
**Author:** ![lizardling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f4b2a3/32.png) [@lizardling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lizardling)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/33 "2008-11-04T02:44:15Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > You reminded me----I was in a doctor’s waiting room today and I picked up an _Outdoor Life_ magazine. In that magazine was a half page ad from some spa somewhere in Virginia; if one wants a pedicure, one gets to put one’s feet into a tank full of water that contains some kind of vegetarian fish that will eat dead skin. So, the dead skin on your little feet gets chewed off by these fish. Fifty bucks for a half-hour session. > > I just had to tell about this. Side note: The Health Dept shut down the one place in state who was doing this fish tub thing on grounds that they couldn’t guarantee the fish were clean in between clients. After all, you can’t autoclave or bleach the fish, can you? ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/34 "2008-11-04T02:53:29Z")
> [@lizardling](#): > > Side note: The Health Dept shut down the one place in state who was doing this fish tub thing on grounds that they couldn’t guarantee the fish were clean in between clients. After all, you can’t autoclave or bleach the fish, can you? The fish prefer you don’t. Anyway, my diagnosis Sleep Learning How to Play Guitar. It’s not quite as problematic as Sleep Learning How to Play Tuba. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/35 "2008-11-04T06:09:56Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Anyway, my diagnosis Sleep Learning How to Play Guitar. It’s not quite as problematic as Sleep Learning How to Play Tuba. And it’s a huge step above Sleep Learning How to Play Rusty Trombone. ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/36 "2008-11-04T13:14:28Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > And it’s a huge step above Sleep Learning How to Play Rusty Trombone. I don’t exactly think the pain would be localized to the fingers in that case. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/37 "2008-11-04T18:28:19Z")
I’m going to predict you are at the onset of a [Herpes Zoster](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=shingles) outbreak. Either that, or you are experiencing some early symptoms of [Alcholohic Neuropathy](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Alcoholic+Neuropathy&aq=f&oq=). IANAD, don’t even know which side my Liver is on. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/38 "2008-11-04T19:03:12Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > …don’t even know which side my Liver is on. [Groucho Marx] And neither does it, for that matter![/Groucho Marx] Were you eating peanuts with your beer, **WhyNot**? Shucking nuts will give you sore fingers. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/39 "2008-11-04T19:06:37Z")
…am I the only one wanting to see a cage match between Dr. Gregory House and Dr. **Qadgop the Mercotan** now? Just me? Okay. _whistles off_ ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2008, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619/40 "2008-11-04T19:51:02Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Were you eating peanuts with your beer, **WhyNot**? Shucking nuts will give you sore fingers. Or even any salty snack that you might have been digging into. You might have jerked your tips. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me-over-the-internet-medical-knowledge-optional/470619.md?page=3)