# Diagnose me **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 25, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136 "2005-07-25T23:45:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![cabdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@cabdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cabdude)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/1 "2005-07-25T23:45:54Z")
Being too lazy and cheap to visit a doctor, I challenge the dopers to diagnose my illness. Symptoms; Sore throat Constant headache Tightness in forehead Unable to taste anything sweet Puffy eyes Sore and swollen ears Tiredness Vague ‘unwell’ feeling ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/2 "2005-07-25T23:51:50Z")
Cranial Rectumitis. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/3 "2005-07-26T00:20:07Z")
I’m going to have to go with Herpies. Seriously though, don’t rely on people on a message board for something as important as medical advice. Although there are doctors that post here, it’s still not something that you should gamble with. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if a Mod comes here and tells you the same thing, while locking it. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/4 "2005-07-26T00:22:33Z")
Scurvy. …what? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/5 "2005-07-26T00:24:05Z")
Ebola. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/6 "2005-07-26T00:29:27Z")
_You’re not sick, you’re just in looooooooove!_ ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/7 "2005-07-26T00:31:56Z")
You are an unwise person who should go to the doctor to get properly diagnosed. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/8 "2005-07-26T00:32:51Z")
Based on your request for a diagnosis via a message board, I have ascertained that you suffer from Microdeckia. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/9 "2005-07-26T00:36:29Z")
> [@cabdude](#): > > Unable to taste anything sweet [You’re a cat](http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2005/07/24/state/n220620D06.DTL&hw=cats+sweet&sn=001&sc=1000). I recommend you see the V-E-T to find out what’s wrong with you. ---
**Author:** ![cabdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@cabdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cabdude)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/10 "2005-07-26T00:37:29Z")
I would have settled for “you’re a cheap bastard.” ---
**Author:** ![CantUseMyRealName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@CantUseMyRealName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CantUseMyRealName)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/11 "2005-07-26T00:45:15Z")
is there a lot of mold in your living quarters? you may be both lazy and cheap. don’t add completely lacking in common sense to the list. see a doctor. ---
**Author:** ![cabdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@cabdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cabdude)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/12 "2005-07-26T00:57:38Z")
Ok - clearly the “I’m at work, bored, feel mildly ill and can’t get to a doctor right now” thread is a bad idea. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/diagnose-me/314136/13 "2005-07-26T01:16:13Z")
> [@cabdude](#): > > Ok - clearly the “I’m at work, bored, feel mildly ill and can’t get to a doctor right now” thread is a bad idea. Pretty much. We don’t want you–or anyone–soliciting medical advice on the SDMB. (Ain’t wise to do so, anyway.) This be closed.