# Dialog in LotR (not realistic)

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialog-in-lotr-not-realistic/713453>\
**Category:** Cafe Society\
**Created:** [February 23, 2015, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialog-in-lotr-not-realistic/713453 "2015-02-23T22:50:54Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 1

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\
**Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialog-in-lotr-not-realistic/713453/1 "2015-02-23T22:50:54Z")

</div>

In my [other thread re: Tolkien literary criticism](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=747135) there are remarks that the dialog is not realistic.

In this just-for-fun thread, let’s re-write the professor with updated dialog. I’ll start:

[QUOTE=Professor Tolkien]

Behold Tol Brandir! Upon the left stands Amon Lhaw, and upon the right is Amon Hen, the Hills of Hearing and of Sight.

[/QUOTE]

[Updated for modern audiences]  
Hey, dudes! Check out those three little mountains right on the river!  
[/updated]

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\
**Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialog-in-lotr-not-realistic/713453/2 "2015-02-23T23:08:37Z")

</div>

Original: “But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund’s daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him.”

Updated: “Yo – check out these knockers!”