# Dialogue I'd like to hear on a police procedural show **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 4, 2016, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462 "2016-06-04T03:34:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/1 "2016-06-04T03:34:00Z")
\*After massive violent shoot 'em up between cops and bad guys. Ambulance lights and patrol car lights flashing. Cops milling around. Bodies all over the place. \* Superior: Joe, that was some bloody awful mess. How are you doing? Joe Detective: [del]I’m fine.[/del] \*\ \*Cap’n, I’m no wimp, but I don’t mind tellin’ ya that I’m feelin’ kinda shaky. Superior: You know, after something like this, it’s department policy for the officers involved to see the counselor for a few visits. Joe Detective: [del]I \*\*said \*\*I’m fine! I don’t need any shrink. Just doin’ my job, which I’d like to get back to, sir, with all due respect _\_![/del] Thanks, Cap’n. I’ll be glad for the opportunity to talk to someone about it. Working through something like this will make me a better cop in the long run. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/2 "2016-06-04T05:00:27Z")
_“Y’know, Cap’n, maybe we should just have let those guys get away with the loot. I mean, the bank was insured and everything, and the gang couldn’t have spent a lot of the money before screwing up and getting caught somehow. Was all this really worth it?”_ ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/3 "2016-06-04T05:21:06Z")
“Now that this huge crisis/serial killer has been put to rest, I’m retiring. Immediately.” ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/4 "2016-06-04T05:31:59Z")
I remember watching Kenneth Branagh’s _Wallander_ series and being struck by how the titular detective really takes it hard when he shoots and kills someone. He definitely doesn’t shake it off and blithely move on to the next case. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/5 "2016-06-04T07:09:45Z")
I always wanted to see/hear John Wayne’s Marine Sergeant character say: _Cap’n, if those lousy Nips want this goddamn chuck of rock so much they can have it. I’m catching me a ride back to the fleet. Fuck this!_ And then, as he’s walking back to the beach where the landing craft are, he drops his Garand, takes off and drops his helmet, and piece by piece peels off his web gear and lets it fall to the sand. :: Yes, I used racist language, but in a WWII movie with John Wayne as a USMC Sergeant, that’s the word his character would have used. :: ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/6 "2016-06-04T09:57:12Z")
We lost a good man today in the shootout. And the worst part is that today was his last day before he would have died of a massive coronary. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/7 "2016-06-04T10:45:32Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > I always wanted to see/hear John Wayne’s Marine Sergeant character say: > > _Cap’n, if those lousy Nips want this goddamn chuck of rock so much they can have it. I’m catching me a ride back to the fleet. Fuck this!_ True story: During the briefings prior to the invasion of Iwo Jima, after being told of all the natural hazards waiting ashore, one poor Gyrene raised his hand and asked “Why not let them keep the island?” ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/8 "2016-06-04T10:45:55Z")
You should watch **Scott & Bailey**. Srsly. Also seen there: _“Hey, you know how you blew off proper procedure because you ‘just had a hunch’ and ‘didn’t have time for red tape’? And you see the godawful mess you’re in right now? Yeah, we have policies and procedures for a **reason** ”_ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/9 "2016-06-04T10:51:03Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > You should watch **Scott & Bailey**. Srsly. > > _“Hey, you know how you blew off proper procedure because you ‘just had a hunch’ and ‘didn’t have time for red tape’? And you see the godawful mess you’re in right now? Yeah, we have policies and procedures for a **reason** ”_ I remember that episode! 🆒 (Of course, after some time they all tend to blend together… ☹ ) ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/10 "2016-06-04T11:08:47Z")
“Draw up an interview strategy!” ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/11 "2016-06-04T12:39:46Z")
“I just received a phone call. Of course, it didn’t have anything to do with the case at hand, so we’ll talk about it later.” ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/12 "2016-06-04T12:49:00Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > You should watch **Scott & Bailey**. Srsly. > … I’ve seen them all. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/13 "2016-06-04T12:54:46Z")
_We’ve studied the killer’s methodology, it’s our opinion the unsub will not kill again._ _Call it a policeman’s hunch, but breaking the law to arrest this guy will just make it impossible to prosecute successfully._ ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/14 "2016-06-04T13:27:56Z")
File under “Justice delayed is justice denied”: _With all due respect sir, I am NOT cancelling my wedding to stay on the case!_ _The lab’s pretty backed up; they say the DNA and tox screen results won’t be available for at least 4 weeks_ \*The only way we’ll ever catch this guy is if he screws up \* ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/15 "2016-06-04T13:47:20Z")
“Do you recognize this customer?” “No. I get hundreds of customers a day.” "He was probably here two weeks ago. “Why would you think that would help me remember?” ETA. BTW, when I last was called for jury duty, the first thing the DA said was “Don’t expect things to go like they do on TV.” ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/16 "2016-06-04T13:59:04Z")
“I’d like you to meet your new partner. Like you, he has years of experience and a reputation for doing everything by the book.” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/17 "2016-06-04T14:02:59Z")
Saw a middle of the run L&O the other day. Asking a guy questions while the guy was operating machinery, the cop said, “Hey! Turn this thing off, we’re conducting a murder investigation!” ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/18 "2016-06-04T14:45:28Z")
Don’t forget to tune in next week, when detectives Statler and Waldorf complete forms GA225/c through f, and make a start on form F662. ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/19 "2016-06-04T15:24:49Z")
> [@AncientHumanoid](#): > > Saw a middle of the run L&O the other day. Asking a guy questions while the guy was operating machinery, the cop said, “Hey! Turn this thing off, we’re conducting a murder investigation!” I have to wonder how often police even bother to go to a guys job for an interview. A friend of mine was once a possible eyewitness to a crime of some kind. He got a letter in the mail asking him to come to the station for an interview as a possible witness. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/20 "2016-06-04T15:40:33Z")
_Sarge … this high-speed chase shit is really dangerous! Since the Police chopper has a fix on those guys and there’s no chance in hell of them getting away, what say we, you know, kind of … back off, just a little?_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462.md?page=2)