# Dialogue I'd like to hear on a police procedural show **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 4, 2016, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462 "2016-06-04T03:34:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/21 "2016-06-04T15:45:31Z")
_Ms O’Malley, I realize you’re a highly skilled professional with advanced degrees in criminology and computer science, but damned if you don’t have the most luscious pair of tits I’ve ever seen!_ :o ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/22 "2016-06-04T16:04:43Z")
From Sharkey’s Machine: Sharky: You all right, partner? Arch: Of course not, you asshole. I’m shot! ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/23 "2016-06-04T16:17:02Z")
“I can’t wait to see this jerk get a life sentence. Too bad it’ll be at least a couple of years before that happens.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/24 "2016-06-04T16:40:09Z")
_Strap that sucker in the chair and fry him Extra-Crispy!_ ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/25 "2016-06-04T17:42:34Z")
Law & Order:OKC - “We ran out of lethal injection drugs!? Eh…just use Drano.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/26 "2016-06-04T17:44:47Z")
_What a waste of human life!_ ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/27 "2016-06-04T21:40:29Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > I always wanted to see/hear John Wayne’s Marine Sergeant character say: > > _Cap’n, if those lousy Nips want this goddamn chuck of rock so much they can have it. I’m catching me a ride back to the fleet. Fuck this!_ > > And then, as he’s walking back to the beach where the landing craft are, he drops his Garand, takes off and drops his helmet, and piece by piece peels off his web gear and lets it fall to the sand. . . . …And we see he’s wearing a Buster Keaton outfit… (Okay: am I crazy, or did that actually happen in a WWII movie? Something like “What Did You Do In The War Daddy?” but apparently not that movie. Keaton is a German officer, but at the end, walks away and takes off his uniform, showing his traditional comedian’s outfit.) (Aha! “War Italian Style,” I think. Wonderful stupid war spoof! [Here’s the exact scene!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTQwL-A1qIw)) (Morgan’s bones, but I love the information age!) ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2016, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/28 "2016-06-04T22:41:04Z")
> [@bibliophage](#): > > We lost a good man today in the shootout. And the worst part is that today was his last day before he would have died of a massive coronary. “…but not before racking up several hundred thousand dollars in uncovered medical bills that would have to be paid out of the estate. Frankly the shooter did the widow a real solid here.” Also [this](http://www.theonion.com/article/veteran-cop-gets-along-great-with-rookie-partner-1818). ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/29 "2016-06-05T00:24:41Z")
> [@leahcim](#): > > … > Also [this](http://www.theonion.com/article/veteran-cop-gets-along-great-with-rookie-partner-1818). Hilarious article! Go Onion! > [@](#): > > “Jason has this helpful idea of a ‘thin blue line’ that separates the lawless from the civilized, whereas I understand that sometimes certain crimes must be left unpunished in order to protect the greater good,” Tate said. “So we switch off. If, on Mondays or Wednesdays, Jason thinks a small-time crook who’s given me solid leads for 20 years should be locked up, that’s his prerogative. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, though, we’ll use an underage hooker as bait to close in on a major heroin kingpin.” > > “Friday is a grab-bag,” Tate added. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/30 "2016-06-05T07:26:48Z")
Bugssy Malone! \* Reporter: Have you located the splurge gun yet, sir? O’Dreary: I’m afraid I can’t answer that. Reporter: You’re not at liberty to say? O’Dreary: No, I don’t know the answer. \* ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/31 "2016-06-05T08:57:13Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > :: Yes, I used racist language, but in a WWII movie with John Wayne as a USMC Sergeant, that’s the word his character would have used. :: Ever see _ **The Fighting Seabees** _? :dubious: “Nips” is \*\*mild \*\*compared to _“If Tojo and his bug-eyed monkeys try to come ashore, we’ll kill 'em!”_ Such were the times. If you were around then, you’d probably have used such language yourself. There was also a _ **Dead End Kids** _ movie that had a scene where a Japanese-American was chased out of his grocery store after Pearl Harbor. Leo Gorcey (I think) said something like _“Go ahead, guys, it’s open season on Japs!”_ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/32 "2016-06-05T17:01:11Z")
[Paperwork](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5QIUYg5M6w) ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/33 "2016-06-05T17:30:20Z")
Superior to Joe Detective: This case is outside our jurisdiction! You are immediately turning it over to the Feds/MPs/county–understand?? It’s their case now. You go on home. Joe Detective: [del]No way, sir! If I can’t go after the perps myself, you can have my badge! _\_[/del] _\_ Of course, sir, whatever you say. I need to catch up on my golf/sleep/paperwork/chores around the house anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/34 "2016-06-05T18:41:03Z")
_Barney Miller_ was probably the best TV series in showing that police work was mostly about paperwork. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/35 "2016-06-05T22:07:24Z")
Bad guy abandons car and runs down alley. Joe Detective turns to kid/girlfriend/rookie. “Stay here!” he barks, as he slams the car door takes off in hot pursuit. Kid/gf/rookie stays put. ---
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/36 "2016-06-05T22:39:48Z")
This thread is filled with wonderful suggestions for that exciting new Fall 2016 offering: _ **This is the City: Anti-Trope Squad** _ Each week we watch the dedicated detectives of the Squad as they work on dozens of open cases at the same time, knowing that few if any of them will have any real resolution. eta sample dialogue: Jones: “Captain, I’m going to need Friday morning off–my kid’s teacher has called me in for a conference.” Smith: “No way, Cap, you said I could have that morning off for my granddaughter’s wedding fer chrissake!” Captain: “Look, we all have kids and we all need time off for them, but we don’t get it because if we don’t get this paperwork filed by the end of the month we will all be out on our cans without our pensions.” ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/37 "2016-06-05T22:45:25Z")
If only he’d used his genius for niceness, instead of evil. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/38 "2016-06-06T02:45:32Z")
I keep coming up with these… Do I watch too many cop shows? Probably. Joe Detective to Superior: “I know you’ve got me on the Smith case and the Mayor is demanding an arrest ASAP, but I’ve found an important clue in the Jones case and I know I can put that one to bed if you’ll find someone else to work on Smith. Do I have your permission, sir?” Superior: “Joe, I trust your judgment and I’m not going to second-guess your instincts. By all means, throw your energy into the Jones case and you’ll have all the department’s resources behind you. I’ll put Bob on the Smith case and smooth the Mayor’s ruffled feathers, too.” ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/39 "2016-06-06T06:38:58Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Thanks, Cap’n. I’ll be glad for the opportunity to talk to someone about it. Working through something like this will make me a better cop in the long run. Captain: Joe, you know when you use the vernacular term “cop”, you diminish us both. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/40 "2016-06-06T08:30:21Z")
Captain: And why do you insist on carrying that Smith Chief’s Special? You know we’re all supposed to carry Glocks now. Joe Detective: Dammit, Captain, I told you wearing that Glock makes my hips look a mile wide! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462.md?page=3)