# Dialogue I'd like to hear on a police procedural show **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 4, 2016, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462 "2016-06-04T03:34:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/41 "2016-06-06T11:52:21Z")
“You know, maybe when we’re about to talk to a Hispanic, we should go ahead and tell them we’re not INS so they won’t drop everything and run for their lives.” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/42 "2016-06-06T13:52:18Z")
“You know, if we called for backup and wore kevlar, we wouldn’t have to risk our lives in a shootout with the bad guys and rely on hitting difficult shots purely by chance.” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/43 "2016-06-06T13:57:11Z")
“You know, we should probably consider that this mysterious person who came out of nowhere and supplied us with all the facts we need to bust this criminal organization is probably wanting us to take out his competition.” ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/44 "2016-06-06T14:00:35Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Captain: Joe, you know when you use the vernacular term “cop”, you diminish us both. Is that term really disrespectful? I truly don’t know. Robbie Lewis refers to himself all the time as a “copper,” apparently with some pride. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/45 "2016-06-06T14:00:58Z")
“I wonder why the bad guys are meeting out in an open lot? Aren’t they by nature paranoid and know of our surveillance cameras and remote mikes?” ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/46 "2016-06-06T18:08:42Z")
“You have 48 hours to solve this case or you’ll be pulling traffic duty!” “Have this case solved by the time I come in Tuesday or I have to file a reprimand.” ---
**Author:** ![dasmoocher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@dasmoocher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dasmoocher)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/47 "2016-06-06T18:35:38Z")
Detective: “Those open homicides can wait–I’m tracking down the SOB who stole my lunch from the break room!” ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/48 "2016-06-06T19:25:21Z")
“I used up all the bullets in my gun, and my pockets are not stuffed with spare clips, I guess I will just go back to my car and wait for backup” ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/49 "2016-06-06T19:52:05Z")
Detective to reporter/ mystery writer/ private detective/ defense attorney/ etc.: “You’re under arrest for interfering with a police investigation!” (and it sticks). ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/50 "2016-06-06T20:16:19Z")
> [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](#): > > I have to wonder how often police even bother to go to a guys job for an interview. In Manhattan, probably fairly often. When I lived in Manhattan and I was a possible witness to a crime, the police stopped by my apartment. Later, when I was living in Indiana, and still not a terribly long walk or drive, because I was downtown, I got a phone call, because I place I’d looked at earlier that week possibly to rent had been broken into, so the police were checking on the whereabouts of everyone who’d looked at the place. That seemed more serious than being a potential witness, which I turned out not to be. The Manhattan police just have much smaller jurisdictions geographically, since the city is so populous. > [@](#): > > A friend of mine was once a possible eyewitness to a crime of some kind. He got a letter in the mail asking him to come to the station for an interview as a possible witness. Where was he? ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/51 "2016-06-06T20:16:58Z")
" Have a seat, this could take a while. Don’t want to waste time by making multiple trips to ask further questions when we can get it done right here." ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/52 "2016-06-06T22:30:19Z")
“You have the right to scream as loudly and as often as you want. It won’t bother us at all. We have good ear plugs.” ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/53 "2016-06-06T23:05:35Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > “You know, maybe when we’re about to talk to a Hispanic, we should go ahead and tell them we’re not INS so they won’t drop everything and run for their lives.” “We need to talk to some guys down in the barrio. Send Rodriguez and Padilla, in case the witnesses are more comfortable in Spanish.” ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2016, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/54 "2016-06-07T02:41:06Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > “I used up all the bullets in my gun, and my pockets are not stuffed with spare clips, I guess I will just go back to my car and wait for backup” Or: “Wait there for back up, partner, don’t go blasting into that abandoned warehouse full of highly armed gangsters!” “OK.” ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2016, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/55 "2016-06-07T04:41:06Z")
[del] It’s okay. \ Everything’s going to be fine. It will all work out. I promise.[/del] Oh man, you are completely fucked. \ And I’m guessing it’s gonna be downhill from here. Sorry, dude. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/56 "2016-06-08T16:52:01Z")
I’ll be in court for the next 2 days, testifying against that guy we arrested 10 months ago. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/57 "2016-06-08T20:25:24Z")
“How do you expect me to ‘enhance’ a dark, grainy, blurry picture?” “Yet again we’ve solved a major case while remaining entirely within the reasonable bounds set by the Constitution and subsequent decisions of the Supreme Court.” “OK, it looks like the bad guys are pretty well-fortified in there, so let’s establish a perimeter and then just wait for SWAT to arrive.” “Most defense lawyers in this city are great guys, I’ve found.” “Welcome, Officer Smith. You’re the first female police officer in this department, and I’ve given strict orders that you’re to be treated fairly and respectfully by everyone here, or I’ll have their badges.” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/58 "2016-06-08T20:35:00Z")
“I was never sexually attracted to my partner until I was assigned to the K9 unit.” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/59 "2016-06-08T20:44:16Z")
(To a perp.) “Sure, you’ll get a public defender assigned to you. But he’ll only spend 5 minutes with you and tell you to accept our plea deal. If you don’t, you won’t see him until the trial and he’ll be so ticked off at you he’ll actually smile when you get sentenced to 10 times as much.” ---
**Author:** ![Drum\_God](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drum_god/32/44_2.png) [@Drum\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drum_God)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/60 "2016-06-08T23:44:56Z")
Officer: Do you know Joe Smith? Suspect: Yeah, I know Joe. Real sonofabitch, that guy. Can’t stand the sight of him. I think he even slept with my wife, the jerk. Officer: Well, he’s dead. Suspect: Oh, _that_ Joe. Loved him like a brother. Can’t believe he’s gone. I’m really broken up about this. What happened? Officer: Well, we heard he slept with your wife… Suspect: That’s no big deal! We shared everything…and I mean _everything_. I knew they were fooling around, but I was totally okay with it. I mean, if your wife is going to have an affair, it ought to be with your best friend! It always seems like the detectives talk to a suspect and tell him/her that the victim is dead. The suspect then goes on to tell the cops how much he/she hated the victim. Then, the suspect is surprised when the cops get the idea that he/she did it! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462.md?page=4)