# Dialogue I'd like to hear on a police procedural show **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 4, 2016, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462 "2016-06-04T03:34:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Marine\_One](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marine_one/32/3461_2.png) [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/61 "2016-06-12T00:42:27Z")
Captain: “The suspect is in interrogation room 18. But go ahead and beat the crap out of him. You’ll feel better and he probably won’t say anything helpful anyway.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2016, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/62 "2016-06-13T17:23:38Z")
“I have to say, this is the nicest, cleanest, most Feng Shui police station I’ve ever seen.” “I’ve never fallen in love with the prime suspect of a case before, but I’m not conflicted about it at all, because he slept with my sister last night. So to hell with him!” “I actually prefer a very small gun, Detective Sergeant.” “Dammit, Jones, I told you not to bother Senator Boondoggle! Now you’re suspended. Give me your badge and your gun… and a big kiss!” “I know I should put handcuffs on you, now that you’re under arrest and all, but you seem like such a nice guy I’m not gonna do it. OK, here’s my squad car. Say, do you want to drive…?” ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2016, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/63 "2016-06-13T17:50:10Z")
Congratulations on retiring, good thing you missed that shootout yesterday. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2016, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/64 "2016-06-13T21:19:54Z")
“Six months and we still have no leads whatsoever on this murder; it’ll have to go into Cold Case”. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2016, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/65 "2016-06-13T22:05:42Z")
Training the rookie: “…and up here is the font menu, we stopped using Courier for everything in 1990.” ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2016, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/66 "2016-06-13T23:50:51Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > “I was never sexually attracted to my partner until I was assigned to the K9 unit.” > > Regards, > Shodan You are a sick, twisted, perverted, funny man. ::Insert “you owe me a new keyboard!/squirted milk out of my nose” joke:: ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2016, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/67 "2016-06-14T16:21:04Z")
How do we know it was milk? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2016, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/68 "2016-06-14T18:31:58Z")
“This is really good coffee!” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2016, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/69 "2016-06-14T19:14:19Z")
Yeah, the guy’s probably a pedophile, but we have no probable cause to hold him or search his house, or even follow him. Let him go and stay away from him. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2016, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/70 "2016-06-14T20:27:10Z")
“I’m too young for this shit.” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2016, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/71 "2016-06-15T13:29:30Z")
“On December 12th, trial was held in Department 184, Superior Court of the state of California, in and for the county of Los Angeles. In a moment, the results of that trial.” _commercial break_ “The suspect, William Johnson, was acquitted of all charges based on errors in handling the evidence made by the LAPD crime lab. His lawsuit against the LAPD was settled out of court for an undisclosed amount.” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2016, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/72 "2016-06-15T14:48:13Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > “I’m too young for this shit.” Heard from a TV cop who’s maybe 19, when they’re about to go into a whorehouse (officially a bar, but in a location where he’d be old enough to drink alcohol): “dunnow sir, am I old enough to go there?” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2016, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/73 "2016-06-15T14:52:52Z")
"On February 1st, William Johnson was arrested on charges of public indecency and selling unlicensed packages of cigarettes. On February 28, Johnson was discovered dead in his cell, apparently having starved to death because he was not entered into the jail’s booking log. The case was closed." ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2016, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/74 "2016-06-15T14:54:49Z")
“Actually, my wife and kids really respect my work as a police officer, don’t mind my long hours, excessive drinking or abusive behavior, and have always been very supportive.” ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2016, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/75 "2016-06-15T15:05:48Z")
“You think it was made to look like suicide? I’ll get to it when I clear a few of the actual murder cases. Who do you think I am? Sherlock Holmes?” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2016, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/76 "2016-06-15T15:39:11Z")
“No true Englishman would make such a statement! Erase it immediately!” ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2016, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/77 "2016-06-15T15:59:24Z")
“Kowalski, meet your new partner.” “New partner eh? Well, mister, let me tell you something. I’m a straight arrow who always goes by the book.” “Huh. Well, I’m a clean cut cop who plays by the rules.” “Looks like this partnership is going to be extremely productive but uneventful.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2016, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/78 "2016-06-15T17:18:31Z")
Long, epic gunfight. “Hang on, let me reload… hang on, let me reload… hang on, let me reload…” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2016, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/79 "2016-06-15T23:20:51Z")
"What do we know about the terrorist cell leader? “Whatever’s on his Wikipedia page/” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2016, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462/80 "2016-06-16T01:43:43Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > "What do we know about the terrorist cell leader? > > “Whatever’s on his Wikipedia page/” And Wolf Blitzer did an in depth interview with him 3 years ago, [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dialogue-id-like-to-hear-on-a-police-procedural-show/756462.md?page=5)