# Dick Haiku **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 9, 1999, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143 "1999-11-09T15:30:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/1 "1999-11-09T15:30:00Z")
I was watching some celebrity roast on Comedy central (I think it was for Drew Carrey) and Margaret Cho was doing some Haiku about his dick… struck me as funny (in a juvinile vodka addled moment). So let’s hear some good dick haiku The rising bed sheet Lifted as by a tent pole It was just my dick In constant rain showers Take shelter under my dick because it is large ## Nothing in the world like awfule haiku is there? I’m really not a troll, really i’m not… Magnificent to behold - Greatly to be praised. ---
**Author:** ![Guy\_Propski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5e9695/32.png) [@Guy\_Propski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guy_Propski)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/2 "1999-11-10T06:08:00Z")
Summoned to service Purple headed warrior Will answer the call. Released from darkness The one-eyed monster seeks out Warmth in a new cave ---
**Author:** ![Scarred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/54ee81/32.png) [@Scarred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarred)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/3 "1999-11-09T19:55:00Z")
[list] Penis o penis Heat seeker, mind controller Take a break, will 'ya?!? ---
**Author:** ![Stevie\_Rave\_On](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Stevie\_Rave\_On](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stevie_Rave_On)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/4 "1999-11-09T20:11:00Z")
All of the losers Will watch you count down to 12 Will you ever die? Oops, wrong Dick All of the women Will watch you harden to 12 Who am I kidding? * * * “Trying is the first step towards failure.” Homer Simpson ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/5 "1999-11-09T22:32:00Z")
Brilliant, Stevie! Touch it just like that Oh yes, Oh God, Oh Yes, Oh… Someone get a towel * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/6 "1999-11-09T22:32:00Z")
You call that a dick? I’ve smoked bigger joints than that. Put that thing away. ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/7 "1999-11-09T23:11:00Z")
Your dick needs relief Your right hand will have to do Get off the bus first That a roll of dimes In your pocket, or are you Just glad to see me? Look at yours and mine There is no comparison Get out of my stall! ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/8 "1999-11-10T00:37:00Z")
Snow-capped in summer; I cannot see the summit. Damn, my dick is huge. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/9 "1999-11-10T00:58:00Z")
As I whip it out they all start to laugh out loud “Put it back”, they yell ---
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/10 "1999-11-10T00:59:00Z")
I’m bigger than you I swear it, get a ruler! Wait, better bring two! * * * “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes (\_\_) `\/-------\ `| |-----| | …c.c…c.c… ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/11 "1999-11-10T01:01:00Z")
No,really,my friend I know it’s just been awhile Rest. I’ll make coffee. ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/12 "1999-11-10T01:35:00Z")
His dick emerges Ready to do its duty Ha ha! Hair trigger! * * * God is dead. -Nietzsche Nietzsche is dead. -God Neitzsche is God. -Dead ---
**Author:** ![Konrad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f475e1/32.png) [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/13 "1999-11-10T02:41:00Z")
And now for something completely different: Comfy chair dispair Bulging springs make my ass hurt There is no justice ---
**Author:** ![Konrad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f475e1/32.png) [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/14 "1999-11-10T02:44:00Z")
Almost forgot… That was stolen from Scott Christensen: [http://www.ewav.com](http://www.ewav.com) Dispair, despair what’s the difference? ---
**Author:** ![Maitlandish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Maitlandish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maitlandish)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/15 "1999-11-10T02:47:00Z")
Where’s George when you need him? -M * * * Die, foul crouton! ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/16 "1999-11-10T02:52:00Z")
Some words for dick are shlong, wang, pecker, or penis if you’re medical It jumps, dances, spits If you’re nice it will salute What a scalawag Sometimes when I wake My hard-on is so massive I could pole vault. Yup * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/17 "1999-11-10T02:53:00Z")
You say “Water’s cold” From this bridge on which we stand I’m bigger, “It’s deep” Struggle to be free The pain, it is intense Caught in pubes again * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/18 "1999-11-10T03:01:00Z")
By the way, wouldn’t “Dick Haiku” be an excellent pseudonym for a punk rocker? * * * God is dead. -Nietzsche Nietzsche is dead. -God Neitzsche is God. -Dead ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/19 "1999-11-10T04:12:00Z")
You know, Neuro, I think that’s what I will change my name to. Since I am under 30 and in Seattle I have to be in a band. * * * Magnificent to behold - Greatly to be praised. ---
**Author:** ![Pixoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Pixoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixoid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/20 "1999-11-10T06:42:00Z")
Your sig fits _way_ too well with this topic, BurnMeUp, so I’m using it for my haiku. Greatly to be praised Magnificent to behold We all worship Dick. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143.md?page=2)