# Dick Haiku **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 9, 1999, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143 "1999-11-09T15:30:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![The\_Crimson\_Hipster\_Dufuz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Crimson\_Hipster\_Dufuz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Crimson_Hipster_Dufuz)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/21 "1999-11-10T07:49:00Z")
LAND is the true SOURCE of ALL wealth. YEAH, you heard ME The BALD man drives LIMOS * * * {\¶/} ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/22 "1999-11-10T17:06:00Z")
When I look backwards At decisions I have made Which head is in charge? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/23 "1999-11-10T17:12:00Z")
Raincoat gentleman Zipper down – looks like a dick Only it’s smaller * * * Uke ---
**Author:** ![Scarred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/54ee81/32.png) [@Scarred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarred)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/24 "1999-11-10T21:29:00Z")
[list] “Shrinkage” Mandalay was my nickname in high school Guess what? I’m single. When shaving the pubes Said a very recent thread Go for the scrotum The yeast infection Has got my wife by the balls A Mixed metaphor? ---
**Author:** ![SaxFace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@SaxFace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaxFace)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/25 "1999-11-10T22:27:00Z")
As thick as my fist As long as my held out arm All I do is dream A covered wagon Or a pink convertible It doesn’t matter Heavy metal star Male prima ballerina It looks like you stuff ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/26 "1999-11-10T22:34:00Z")
Some men always boast But we all know the real truth Talkers have no meat * * * Magnificent to behold - Greatly to be praised. ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 1999, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/27 "1999-11-10T23:59:00Z")
A full ten in length Is that what you tell women? Have you gone metric? ---
**Author:** ![Alphagene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 1999, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/28 "1999-11-11T00:43:00Z")
the uncut foreskin collects far too much smegma please hold the mayo proudly taking aim male porn star blinds the starlet close your eyes next time just got a blow job stomach is very sticky she does not swallow * * * Back off, man. I’m a scientist. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 1999, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/29 "1999-11-11T00:52:00Z")
Stupid President You can track you enemies But don’t keep the tapes * * * Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 1999, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/30 "1999-11-11T02:59:00Z")
And let’s not forget All our uncircumsized friends Slug in turtleneck * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 1999, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/31 "1999-11-11T03:20:00Z")
O trouser serpent Comes and goes from denim den; Beware the zipper ---
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 1999, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/32 "1999-11-11T03:25:00Z")
## _Sniff_Sniff\*, Eww pee-u! What makes you so damn stinky? Where is the wash cloth? “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes (\_\_) `\/-------\ `| |-----| | …c.c…c.c… ---
**Author:** ![Ophanim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8491ac/32.png) [@Ophanim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ophanim)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 1999, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/33 "1999-11-11T05:29:00Z")
Reddened and ashamed I stand in the locker room filled with laughter Yeah, it’s small but so is yours now get me a cheeseburger Ok, that one wasn’t even a real Haiku. * * * Mine’s only six inches but most women like it that thick ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 1999, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/34 "1999-11-11T22:08:00Z")
I wonder if anybody besides **Ike** and **Flora** will get this one. ## Manic-Depressive Your Montauk mansion burned down You’re losing your hair Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/35 "1999-11-12T01:56:00Z")
Here I lay with you You have made the conquest Hand me the tweezers Don’t be embarrassed It happens to all men Where is my dildo? ## Do me baby, NOW! I can’t wait to feel you there Say what? You are in? \>^,^\< KITTEN Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/36 "1999-11-12T02:17:00Z")
The moment is now! Be _turgid_, Mister Happy! _Flaccid?_ Look it up. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/37 "1999-11-12T02:21:00Z")
My dick’s a monster; When it stiffens for your love the heavens will part. * * * Armed, dangerous… and off my medication. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/38 "1999-11-12T03:06:00Z")
Sorry, I better write a few nice haiku’s so you don’t get the wrong impression. Lay me gently down Our glistening bodies mesh As you enter me. Candlelight aglow Fantasies come alive A faint scent of musk ## Soft, gentle kisses Descend in satin sheets Waking parts below \>^,^\< KITTEN Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/39 "1999-11-12T05:43:00Z")
I’m on a roll, so forgive me. So, you’re not Jewish? What’s that you’re pulling out? Is that a turtle? * * * \>^,^\< KITTEN Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point. ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/40 "1999-11-12T06:45:00Z")
I really don’t know How my one eyed trouser snake Made it on the net (_)_)///////////D Why does she ask him If it gets bigger than that Or if it can dance (_)_)///////////D When back in grade four He was the largest by far But twenty years old [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143.md?page=3)