# Dick Haiku **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 9, 1999, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143 "1999-11-09T15:30:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/41 "1999-11-12T06:47:00Z")
I really don’t know How my one eyed trouser snake Made it on the net (_)_)///////////D Why does she ask him If it gets bigger than that Or if it can dance (_)_)///////////D When back in grade four He was the largest by far But twenty years old ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/42 "1999-11-12T06:48:00Z")
ooops - sorry for the double post ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/43 "1999-11-12T07:08:00Z")
He scares all the girls And they run screaming away little terrorist * * * TT “Believe those who seek the truth. Doubt those who find it.” --Andre Gide ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/44 "1999-11-12T13:11:00Z")
And the finalists are in the Dick Haiku Pageant, In random order: **Stevie Rave On with:** All of the women Will watch you harden to 12 Who am I kidding? **Thufferin Thuccotash with:** He scares all the girls And they run screaming away little terrorist **TennHippie with:** O trouser serpent Comes and goes from denim den; Beware the zipper **Gilligan with** A full ten in length Is that what you tell women? Have you gone metric? \*\*Mike King with \*\* When I look backwards At decisions I have made Which head is in charge? After the Evening Gown Competition is completed we shall begin the final round: The Dick Off. Good luck one and all! ---
**Author:** ![AuraSeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AuraSeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuraSeer)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/45 "1999-11-12T15:33:00Z")
It is really big. Really, amazingly big. Are you not impressed? ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/46 "1999-11-12T16:07:00Z")
I cannot decide Whither pants leg to dangle. Dress left? Dress right? I had a hernia. Doc said from heavy lifting. Now I sit to pee. Freezing cold wind blows Affecting nether regions. It disappears. 8th grade Speech class. I walk up to the blackboard. Oh, great. A hard on. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/47 "1999-11-12T16:29:00Z")
Taking swimming class Girls noticed the greatness No lonely nights since Boasting at the bars Those who have small willies better drive great cars For some it is length Some say circumference Mine fits neither ## Length does not matter Women will always beg you Sir cum for us Coldfire * * * “You know how complex women are” - Neil Peart, Rush (1993) ---
**Author:** ![missdavis102](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@missdavis102](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missdavis102)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/48 "1999-11-12T16:57:00Z")
My penis issues Are more than just “a lack of”… I want a BIG ONE! ---
**Author:** ![missdavis102](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@missdavis102](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missdavis102)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/49 "1999-11-12T16:58:00Z")
## oh dear, I just realized I’ve posted to both the bra size thing and this in the same day. Logging off now… Insert Random Witticism Here. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/50 "1999-11-12T17:14:00Z")
You really mean it? It’s the best you ever had? God, I am a stud. Oh god! It is the Biggest I’ve ever seen. Would I lie to you? my wife It is ok to lie. A little lie like this Helps the fantasy. (bad hemingway?) Oh, this is just great. It was hard a minute ago. Don’t say Viagra… ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/51 "1999-11-12T17:17:00Z")
Diminutive size drives me to set other goals The fiftieth post ---
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/52 "1999-11-12T22:16:00Z")
Come on, hot momma Arise and behold the beast But beware, it spits excited, horny silly monkey wants to play standing, awaiting * * * “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes (\_\_) `\/-------\ `| |-----| | …c.c…c.c… ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/53 "1999-11-12T22:24:00Z")
Faced with a quandry Not enough blood for both heads Shit. Who needs a brain? * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/54 "1999-11-13T00:46:00Z")
I whip out my thang. Ah! the river waver’s cold and it is deep,too. * * * Armed, dangerous… and off my medication. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/55 "1999-11-13T01:51:00Z")
Morning comes, Hello! I’m always amazed by yer… Yeeha! Shut my mouth! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/56 "1999-11-13T02:01:00Z")
In my teenage years We were close: hard and fast friends. Are we distant now? ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/57 "1999-11-13T02:18:00Z")
Penis? What is that? I’ve not seen one in a while. They’re long and pink, right? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/58 "1999-11-13T02:49:00Z")
Here is my pathetic attempt: Hubby horndog mate No thanks, I’m gestating. I have a headache. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/59 "1999-11-13T05:12:00Z")
> [@](#): > > After the Evening Gown Competition is completed we shall begin the final round: The Dick Off. If my dick could give One gift to everyone It would be world peace ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143/60 "1999-11-13T05:43:00Z")
A supermodel Strolls by; dick says to brain, “Move over - I’ll drive.” Why are we men proud Of our ridiculous dicks? “I can make it bounce!” Woman bends over; Dick says to brain, “Let’s screw her Before she stands up!” Dick says to right hand, “Must we wrestle? I always Throw up at the end.” * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dick-haiku/11143.md?page=4)