# Did anybody ever raise their wife's libido? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 16, 2010, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891 "2010-07-16T09:48:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/21 "2010-07-16T13:21:42Z")
> [@Ladymarmalade](#): > > Wondering if any guy has ever done anything that made his wife want more sex. Or if any women have raised their own libido and if so, how? OK, this is _definitely_ TMI, but what the hell, right? After my hysterectomy, my drive dropped significantly. But I found that if hubby and I were planning on some lovin’ that night, I could ‘jump start’ myself by thinking naughty thoughts throughout the day. I also have found, over the years, that even if I’m not ‘in the mood’ when we start, I’ll most likely catch up in five or ten minutes! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Clark\_Cello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@Clark\_Cello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clark_Cello)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/22 "2010-07-16T13:25:06Z")
It will obviously vary by woman, but I will second doing the dishes, vacuuming, and doing other nice things, especially those that are not your normal jobs. Watch romantic movies with her. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/23 "2010-07-16T13:26:20Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > Wait, how is that different then just dressing up like Zorro? Well, there’s George Hamilton Zorro and Antonio Banderas Zorro, you see. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/24 "2010-07-16T13:27:35Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Well, there’s George Hamilton Zorro and Antonio Banderas Zorro, you see. There’s Anthony Hopkins Zorro, too. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/25 "2010-07-16T13:30:46Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > There’s Anthony Hopkins Zorro, too. Making my point for me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/26 "2010-07-16T13:31:32Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > There’s Anthony Hopkins Zorro, too. “Honey, you’re so sexy I could eat you right up. Where’s that Chianti…” ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/27 "2010-07-16T13:50:23Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > :rolleyes: What’s that for? ---
**Author:** ![peledre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/779978/32.png) [@peledre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peledre)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/28 "2010-07-16T13:52:42Z")
Pineapple Juice. 60% of the time it works everytime. ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/29 "2010-07-16T14:15:57Z")
After a really bad break-up several years ago (where my BF’s libido shut down for 18 months!), I discovered this site, [Loveshack](http://www.loveshack.org/forums/). There seems to be an ongoing discussion from both men and women on why and how libidos shut down. Many involve marriage counselors and self-help books to investigate the problems. Many resort to having affairs because their partners have no interest in changing the status quo of the relationship. In my case, I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend and have been single (and celibate, I’m sorry to say), ever since. Seems ironic to me that there are seemingly countless men in sexless marriages and a sex-pot like me can’t get a date… ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/30 "2010-07-16T14:19:34Z")
> [@SecondJudith](#): > > What’s that for? If I heard that in real life I’d roll my eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/31 "2010-07-16T14:24:58Z")
> [@Stoneburg](#): > > Yes. > > 1. Listen to what she says. Really listen, not just nod your head or try to come up with quick solutions. Care about it and pay attention. Check. > [@](#): > > 1. Give a lot of compliments. What you consider a lot is probably below the bare minimum. A lot means give compliments several times per day, every day. It’s not something you do once and it’s done, it’s like food and water. Is her dress nice? Say it. Did she do something that you liked? Say it. Nothing specific come to min? Remind her that you love her. Check. > [@](#): > > 1. Be good in bed. It’s something you can get better at, nobody is perfect. Try to figure out what she likes and when she likes it. And vary yourself. Sometimes a quickie is perfect, sometimes a 1 hour seduction is what is called for. It’s a process that never ends, and it’s a great process. Check. Didn’t work. Now what? ---
**Author:** ![Stoneburg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Stoneburg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoneburg)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/32 "2010-07-16T14:26:36Z")
> [@Khaki\_Campbell](#): > > And what does _she_ do, on the other hand ? Does she learn about your prostate ? Does she learn that a cock is not a crank machine you soullessly shake ? > Of course not, it would be patriarchal for her to do, booooo. I can only take responsibility for my own decisions, and that was also the perspective asked for in the OP. My experience however is that doing what I talked about will also dramatically increase the interest of your partner. Humans tend towards reciprocation. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/33 "2010-07-16T14:29:02Z")
This is going to sound really ‘out there,’ I know, but how about sitting down and having a talk with your wife about your respective libidos? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/34 "2010-07-16T14:29:31Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Hmmm, I just noticed this is [posted in General Questions too](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12691152#post12691152). I’ve combined the two threads and moved them to IMHO. Welcome to the board, **Ladymarmalade** , but in the future if you have a question please just post it to one forum. ---
**Author:** ![Stoneburg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Stoneburg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoneburg)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/35 "2010-07-16T14:31:40Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Check. > > Check. > > Check. > > Didn’t work. Now what? That’s it. If it doesn’t work you’re either not doing it enough, not doing it well enough, or you have chosen the ‘wrong’ partner for you. I’d talk to her/him about it and if I didn’t see any improvement I’d ask myself if I am satisfied with the situation. If not, I’d change partner. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/36 "2010-07-16T14:44:03Z")
F here. Jeff Foxworthy has a bit about how women are like diesel engines. They take a while to get warmed up, but once they do, they can keep going for a long time. He meant it in the short-term (ie for that evening) but I find it to be even more true in the long run. In other words, if I haven’t gotten physically turned on in a while (say, a week or so) then sex starts to recede in my mind. Then, it’s more difficult to get horny in the first place, and after a while, it’s not worth the bother. If I get it on all the time, then I _want_ it all the time. My libido stays … more accessible, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/37 "2010-07-16T14:53:33Z")
I think in some instances people (not just women, but often women) just get out of the habit of sex. Use it or lose it seems to be pretty good advice, as is making dates for sex (it may not sound romantic, but it works), maintaining a respectful and loving partnership, non-sexual touch, shared responsibility, and good communication. ---
**Author:** ![DragonAsh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DragonAsh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DragonAsh)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/38 "2010-07-16T15:14:16Z")
> [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > Seems ironic to me that there are seemingly countless men in sexless marriages and a sex-pot like me can’t get a date… Well, have you checked out some of the posters in [this thread?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=570488) To answer the OP - nothing works better than just trying to be a good husband. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/39 "2010-07-16T15:17:00Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > If I heard that in real life I’d roll my eyes. Why? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891/40 "2010-07-16T15:18:14Z")
Exercise increases my libido. A book or movie with a nice male lead that I want to sink my teeth into helps. Oh, and if I don’t feel good about myself, I don’t feel like having sex. So it’s actually more about me than him. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-anybody-ever-raise-their-wifes-libido/546891.md?page=3)