# Did/does shaming children ever work to get them to eat? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 22, 2016, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404 "2016-05-22T22:27:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/21 "2016-05-23T14:12:24Z")
> [@Miss\_Mapp](#): > > I used to speak to my cats of starving kitties in China, but it never did any good. Maybe cats in China could be of aid to the starving children there. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![chizzuk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@chizzuk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chizzuk)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/22 "2016-05-23T14:20:51Z")
I was never shamed, either. We had a 3 bites rule, then we could go heat up pizza bagels for ourselves or something. And we each got an exception–on spaghetti nights, my mom would fix me a different entree and on fish nights, my brother got something different. Because we each hated those things that much. We can tolerate them to be polite now, so it didn’t so any damage. ---
**Author:** ![JcWoman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jcwoman/32/2889_2.png) [@JcWoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JcWoman)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/23 "2016-05-23T15:08:41Z")
Although my mom used those expressions on us, it was more to get us to finish our plates. She rarely cooked “challenging” foods. The rule was that we had to finish our plates, though. Which many years later has been proven (by Weight Watchers and myself experientially) to be the source of bad eating habits that lead to a lifetime of being overweight. She once tried to get my brother to finish his plate full of Cheeseburger flavored Hamburger Helper - something he liked but he had served himself too much. He stuffed it down as he cried, and then puked it all up again. She never did that again. We also had the rule that we ate what she served us and she was NOT going to make special food for any picky eaters. As an adult now I like that rule although it caused friction between me and ex hubby who was a super picky eater (nothing green). ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/24 "2016-05-23T15:10:28Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Several people have mentioned the dessert strategy, and I have two problems with that. One, I am still having that fight with my mother where she wants me to have dessert and I don’t (already full, not much of a sweet tooth and I prefer to have my fruit as a snack). Two, it’s a “food as reward” strategy. > > The first time Ed’s wife tried it, he pointed out “uh, honey… you do realize one of the things we have problems pushing into him is dessert?” The Nephews aren’t dessert people either. Oops. If my kids had a problem with dessert, I wouldn’t use it, believe me :). The problem is completely in the opposite direction. As for food-as-reward, I don’t really have an issue with that. We have a complex multilayered relationship with food in our house, in which both my wife and I love cooking and baking, and teach our kids to do it as well; the treat-after-nutrition neatly parallels a lot of other stuff in life, and I’m fine teaching my kids that sometimes the fun stuff comes after the less-fun stuff. ---
**Author:** ![JcWoman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jcwoman/32/2889_2.png) [@JcWoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JcWoman)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/25 "2016-05-23T15:15:03Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I always used logic with my kids, telling them if they tried a food and could explain what it was that they didn’t like about it, they didn’t have to eat it. Eating was simply the easier option. I really like this approach. I think other approaches like shaming or forcing to eat tend to cause bad eating behaviors or disorders that can last a lifetime. I’ve also read that kids need several “encounters” with a new food in order to decide if they like it. The suggestion was to perhaps use your approach above for the first couple of meals, then for the next put the food on their plate but don’t say anything whether they eat it or not. Make no Major Issue if they refuse to eat it because sometimes it’s the conflict that makes them refuse to eat. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/26 "2016-05-23T15:24:54Z")
My parents never got upset about us not eating. They figured we’d get hungry sooner or later, and they’d intercept any attempt to go after snack food. We were also told that if we didn’t like what was on the table we could make an alternative for ourselves as long as it was “real food”. And, finally, we never had to eat food we didn’t like. TRY it, yes. “You aren’t allowed to say you don’t like it if you’ve never tried it”. Got into a couple fights with babysitters who didn’t share this philosophy and would not let us leave the table until we ate what was put in front of us. Not the parents though. I have pretty good eating habits as an adult, although probably a bit too much saturated fat and maybe too much food overall. Lots of variety, good balance between vegetables of different sorts and proteins, moderate amount of carbs. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/27 "2016-05-23T15:25:23Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > I certainly got the “There are starving children in \_\_\_\_\_” spiel. (Mom most often used Biafra, but she’d use other places on occasion.) Yeah, Biafra is what I heard as well. Were you a kid in the 60s? Never knew exactly where the hell Biafra was! Tho my mom would say that, she never really followed through other than if I didn’t eat, I didn’t get dessert and could go hungry until the next meal. Which was usually cold cereal for breakfast, which I loved. On occasion, my mom would make Cream of Wheat. But not everyone got up at the same time, so she would make one batch, which was warm and creamy for the early risers, and cold, lumpy, and skinned for me and the other late risers. Not sure how long she made me sit at the table that one morning, probably wasn’t that long, but damned if I was going to eat that! My kids went through various phases. We didn’t fight them too much on it. But we didn’t make special orders either. The one that defeated us was when one of my kids decided she didn’t like Mac and Cheese. What kid doesn’t like Mac and Cheese?! So we threw in the towel, and said we were going to cook whatever WE wanted to eat, and anyone who didn’t like it could make themselves a PBJ. Each of our kids had a “gag” food they insisted they could not stomach. For one it was brussell sprouts. For another, asparagus. We were fine with that, so long as they ate some other green veggies on some other occasions. We tried to keep an eye out that their diet was reasonably balanced over time, rather than each particular meal. And we gave them chewable vitamins to try to make up for deficits. On edit - just looked up Biafra. Apparently only existed from 67-70, and it was nowhere near where I would have guessed. I would have thought Saharan/sub-Saharan, more like Chad. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/28 "2016-05-23T16:49:15Z")
I remember my grandmother trying “There are starving children in Africa!” on me twice. The first time I didn’t say much of anything, because I was trying to make sense of it. The second time I responded with “Well then send it to them! I’m not going to eat it!” Seriously. I don’t know what you want from me lady. Anyway, that was the last I heard of those kids. Hope they got the ramen noodles or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/29 "2016-05-23T17:16:24Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Yeah, Biafra is what I heard as well. Were you a kid in the 60s? Never knew exactly where the hell Biafra was! > > . . . > > On edit - just looked up Biafra. Apparently only existed from 67-70, and it was nowhere near where I would have guessed. I would have thought Saharan/sub-Saharan, more like Chad. Yes, it was the 1960s. I never knew where Biafra was either–just that it was in Africa, and its children were starving. Nowadays, Wiki tells me that it tried to secede from Nigeria, but I didn’t know that at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/30 "2016-05-23T18:57:01Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > We don’t use that strategy, but some of y’all may not be aware of how hard it is to have a kid with poor appetite. One of my kids went through a year when she never felt hungry, but did feel weak and cranky and sad because she wasn’t eating. We all knew–including five-year-old her–that if she ate, she’d feel better, but getting her to take those first couple of bites was insanely hard. And if we didn’t, she’d lie on the floor weeping. SUCKED. > > Nowadays, we try to go by a simple rule: dessert is for those in the clean plate club. No bargaining, no nagging; but if you want a dessert, eat your dinner. I hear you. My three-year-old has been an indifferent eater for a long time. We have given up on trying to insist that he eat, but if he does eat, it has to be at the table, and certain privileges are only available upon making a solid effort to eat. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/31 "2016-05-23T19:10:58Z")
In my house, it was mostly threats. I personally have always been happy to eat a few bites of anything without complaint. Even things I don’t particularly like are still good enough to eat a few bites of. My brothers had some pretty big fights with my parents over the particular things they didn’t like, and my brothers still won’t eat all kinds of things. So obviously it didn’t work. The thing I don’t understand are parents today (maybe not \*just \*today, but my case study is a modern parent) who don’t force the kids to eat everything, but also seem to have no problem with a kid leaving the table because he’s “too full to eat another bite” but he grabs two cookies and a bag of chips on way back to his room. Tolerating that is just complete BS. He’s not full, he just wants cookies and chips instead of salad. If you’re not going to parent them based on the dietary issues, at least parent them based on an outright lie. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/32 "2016-05-23T19:29:07Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > Yes, it was the 1960s. I never knew where Biafra was either–just that it was in Africa, and its children were starving. Nowadays, Wiki tells me that it tried to secede from Nigeria, but I didn’t know that at the time. When I hear Biafra, I think of jello. So they apparently had dessert, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/33 "2016-05-23T19:50:48Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > I hear you. My three-year-old has been an indifferent eater for a long time. We have given up on trying to insist that he eat, but if he does eat, it has to be at the table, and certain privileges are only available upon making a solid effort to eat. Does your three-year-old act like a tiny demon if he doesn’t eat? That’s the thing that a lot of folks are missing, I think, is that a kid who doesn’t eat can end up being impossible to live with, compared to the same sweet child with some food in their belly. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/34 "2016-05-23T20:04:37Z")
> [@Pai325](#): > > I heard the starving child phrase, but whate I heard more was “You’re not leaving the table until you eat at least one bite of that.” My mom learned the hard way that I could out-stubborn anyone. I don’t remember what it was, but after a bout of “You’ll sit there til you eat it” lasting til midnight, she tried other tricks. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/35 "2016-05-23T20:07:12Z")
poster china guy who lives or lived in china used to say that Chinese moms would tell their kids “theres starving kids in America” when hey wouldn’t eat … think the thread was "starving kids in china… what do Chinese moms tell their kids ? " ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/36 "2016-05-23T20:42:50Z")
My parents tried that a few times, but it didn’t work. Our main dinner time fights were because I didn’t eat _enough_ for them, though. I was small enough that people often mistook me for five or six when I was ten, which irked my mom, and I had a small appetite to match my height and frame. It just hit me today that they were probably worried that I was malnourished. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/37 "2016-05-23T21:05:59Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Does your three-year-old act like a tiny demon if he doesn’t eat? That’s the thing that a lot of folks are missing, I think, is that a kid who doesn’t eat can end up being impossible to live with, compared to the same sweet child with some food in their belly. That actually describes his sleeping habits more than his eating habits, but I certainly know what you mean. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/38 "2016-05-23T21:12:36Z")
The children were starving in Europe in my childhood. Post-Marshall Plan, you know? The last time my Mom tried that on me I was 17 or so. She knew I didn’t like peas and didn’t eat them. But she just had to try to guilt me into eating some, I don’t know why. So I left the table, got an envelope, wrote “To The Starving Children In Europe” on it, brought it back to the table, spooned my peas into it, sealed it, and slapped it on the table and told her “Here. Mail it to 'em.” It was dicey for a few seconds, then Mom broke out laughing. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/39 "2016-05-23T22:21:46Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Several people have mentioned the dessert strategy, and I have two problems with that. One, I am still having that fight with my mother where she wants me to have dessert and I don’t (already full, not much of a sweet tooth and I prefer to have my fruit as a snack). Two, it’s a “food as reward” strategy. I don’t think “food as a reward” is ALWAYS bad. It’s bad when it’s used all the time. But once in a while, it is totally okay. I also don’t think that allowing dessert as long as vegetables are eaten (or at least tasted) is really tantamount to rewarding a kid. To me, it’s making a deal with them–a minor one if we assume that dessert is a regular offering and we’re talking something small, like a cup of pudding. It would be a reward if the picky eater is given chocolate cake while everyone else is eating apple sauce. I would have much preferred the “no dessert” tactic over “eat every single green thing on your place and you had better be happy about it!” one. For stuff like brocolli, I probably would have bitten the bullet if I knew the dessert was riding on getting it down. But I would have gladly sacrificed dessert for shit like canned asparagus, and I would not have shed a single tear over it. Kids gotta learn how to pick their battles at some point in their life. Of course, this doesn’t apply to the kid who couldn’t care less about dessert. ---
**Author:** ![oara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b77776/32.png) [@oara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oara)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404/40 "2016-05-23T22:42:19Z")
Food battles were pretty bad when I was a child. I still feel sad and angry. I was very short and quite skinny, and I’ll wonder at times whether it all managed to stunt my growth a bit because I’m somewhat shortish compared to my relatives. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-does-shaming-children-ever-work-to-get-them-to-eat/755404.md?page=3)