# Did I do the right thing by not getting into this affair? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 20, 2018, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868 "2018-03-20T06:14:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![T-Minus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c77e96/32.png) [@T-Minus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T-Minus)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/1 "2018-03-20T06:14:48Z")
Hello guys, I wanted to know your guys opinion on this. There was this lady who used to live down the street from me. My sister used to play with her daughter and me and her met at one of the parties. She was super friendly, we became friends and it became very apperent she was making moves on me. After I realized she liked me more then as a friend, I started distancing myself from her. At the time, I liked her too, but the fact she was married and was living at his house didn"t sit well with me at all. She openly told me she hated the marriage she was in, but I felt like it was none of my business to encourge a divorce. It was so obvious that she liked me that even my family noticed. This went on for months, she wss relentless in chasing me. Up until she finally was divorcing her husband. She got someone else, but I was wondering; did I do the right thing? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/2 "2018-03-20T11:21:48Z")
That depends on what kind of person you are, I suspect. Only you can answer the question if _you_ did the right thing for _you_. By my moral compass you did the right thing. I’m guessing most people will agree. I’m confused as to why you are unsure. Obviously your own moral code felt it was wrong, so you acted in accordance with that. Why would you need confirmation from perfect strangers on the Internet, after the fact? ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/3 "2018-03-20T11:44:46Z")
If you had started a relationship, you would have been with someone who you KNOW cheats on her man. So there is that too. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/4 "2018-03-20T12:08:46Z")
> [@T-Minus](#): > > This went on for months, she wss relentless in chasing me. Up until she finally was divorcing her husband. She got someone else, but I was wondering; did I do the right thing? Yes. The more interesting question is: Why are you wondering about it now? ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/5 "2018-03-20T13:12:59Z")
Are you wondering if maybe you missed out on something by not responding to her pursuit? Consider that rebound relationships are rarely successful. Or that perhaps her interest in you was not about you as much as about leaving her husband and having somewhere to land. Lots of people would rather be with someone, anyone, just to not have to be on their own. So, my thought is you dodged a bullet there. Plus did the right thing by not having a part in the end of her marriage, doomed or not. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/6 "2018-03-20T15:40:05Z")
Pro Tip: The answer to “Did I make the right decision by not having (or participating in) an affair” is always yes. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/7 "2018-03-20T16:18:59Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > The more interesting question is: Why are you wondering about it now? The human brain is particularly evolved to do evaluate “What if?” scenarios, and often doesn’t care whether the consequences are future or past. However, in the case of an affair with a person married to someone else, while that works out to something viable long term on infrequent occasions, the preponderance of experience would suggest that having avoided it is likely to the benefit of the o.p. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/8 "2018-03-20T16:28:36Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > The human brain is particularly evolved to do evaluate “What if?” scenarios, and often doesn’t care whether the consequences are future or past. However, in the case of an affair with a person married to someone else, while that works out to something viable long term on infrequent occasions, the preponderance of experience would suggest that having avoided it is likely to the benefit of the o.p. > > Stranger Or it’s dry season and he’s lamenting the missed opportunity of getting laid. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/9 "2018-03-20T16:57:02Z")
At no time did you suggest that \*you \*were interested in _her_. So yes. ---
**Author:** ![duality72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duality72/32/3910_2.png) [@duality72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duality72)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/10 "2018-03-20T17:04:28Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > At no time did you suggest that \*you \*were interested in _her_. So yes. I think you missed this: > [@T-Minus](#): > > At the time, I liked her too, but the fact she was married and was living at his house didn"t sit well with me at all. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/11 "2018-03-20T17:07:44Z")
That is somewhat short of saying he was interested in an affair with her. If he was, he’d certainly have said so. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/12 "2018-03-20T17:50:26Z")
No one knows. While probably you made the right decision it could have turned out that she would be the love of your life and you would have been happily married to her until one of you died. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/13 "2018-03-20T19:11:47Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > No one knows. While probably you made the right decision it could have turned out that she would be the love of your life and you would have been happily married to her until one of you died. …At the hands of her jealous ex. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/14 "2018-03-20T20:59:16Z")
You don’t say how old you were, but since your sister played with her daughter, I’m guessing you were a young teenager and she was at least twice your age. If you’d let the relationship continue, you’d most likely face one of these scenarios 1. You have an affair with a married woman who lives on your street, which makes everyday life super uncomfortable because everyone’s trying to keep a secret. 2. You have an affair with a married woman who lives on your street and her husband finds out. 2A) He comes over and stomps your ass, or shoots you. 2B) They divorce, he gets the house and you’re stuck with a neighbor whose marriage you broke up. 2C) They divorce, she gets the house and the reputation as the woman who sleeps with her neighbors’ kids. 2D) They both move out and the affair ends. Maybe no one can say you made the “right” decision, but I think the odds are strongly in your favor. ---
**Author:** ![T-Minus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c77e96/32.png) [@T-Minus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T-Minus)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2018, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/15 "2018-03-21T03:13:02Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > You don’t say how old you were, but since your sister played with her daughter, I’m guessing you were a young teenager and she was at least twice your age. > > If you’d let the relationship continue, you’d most likely face one of these scenarios > > 1. You have an affair with a married woman who lives on your street, which makes everyday life super uncomfortable because everyone’s trying to keep a secret. > > 2. You have an affair with a married woman who lives on your street and her husband finds out. > 2A) He comes over and stomps your ass, or shoots you. > 2B) They divorce, he gets the house and you’re stuck with a neighbor whose marriage you broke up. > 2C) They divorce, she gets the house and the reputation as the woman who sleeps with her neighbors’ kids. > 2D) They both move out and the affair ends. > > Maybe no one can say you made the “right” decision, but I think the odds are strongly in your favor. I was 25 when we met and she was 33. She was a little chubby but attractive. 2A) was what I was worried most about. She lived at his parents house where they were both living in. Also the fact if they DIDN’T divorce and sometime down the line admitted to cheating would of been a concern too. Her daughter was 7 and my sister was 11 at the time. This was 3 years ago, and now that I think about it. I think it went on for a year at least, we exchanged phone numbers once or twice and that was when she admitted she wanted to sleep with me. I just wish she would of waited until she was divorced and then came to me, don’t know why she stopped after the marriage was over. ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2018, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/16 "2018-03-21T04:21:11Z")
> [@T-Minus](#): > > I just wish she would of waited until she was divorced and then came to me, don’t know why she stopped after the marriage was over. Her almost affair with you was to use you to hurt her husband. After the marriage ended, you were no longer needed. You were going to be used as well. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2018, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/17 "2018-03-21T11:13:28Z")
If she’d cheat on him, she’d cheat on you too. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2018, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/18 "2018-03-21T11:55:23Z")
> [@T-Minus](#): > > I was 25 when we met and she was 33. She was a little chubby but attractive. 2A) was what I was worried most about. She lived at his parents house where they were both living in. Also the fact if they DIDN’T divorce and sometime down the line admitted to cheating would of been a concern too. Her daughter was 7 and my sister was 11 at the time. > > This was 3 years ago, and now that I think about it. I think it went on for a year at least, we exchanged phone numbers once or twice and that was when she admitted she wanted to sleep with me. I just wish she would of waited until she was divorced and then came to me, don’t know why she stopped after the marriage was over. It’s okay to start dating other people. ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2018, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-do-the-right-thing-by-not-getting-into-this-affair/810868/19 "2018-03-21T16:57:25Z")
> [@Duckster](#): > > Her almost affair with you was to use you to hurt her husband. After the marriage ended, you were no longer needed. You were going to be used as well. Not necessarily. She may have been very unhappy and looking for something fun that she thought might be a safe outlet while she figured out what to do. Once she got out of her marriage she had a lot more options, and you may have no longer seemed like a comfortable safe decision.