# Did I just see Elliot masturbating on Scrubs? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 15, 2007, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189 "2007-05-15T15:37:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/21 "2007-05-15T18:15:20Z")
[QUOTE=Revtim] That episode had, IMHO, one the funniest lines ever in the history of comedy. The parents were contemplating whether the boy was masturbating, and Roseanne said something like “Are you sure? He’s so young.” and then Dan said “Maybe he’s gifted…”. [/QUOTE] No no no. The best line was Darlene’s response to it all: “Trust me, he goes in that room cause it’s the only one with a lock on it, and he’s in there for like an hour at a time. Which means he’s either really, really good at it, or really, really bad at it!” ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/22 "2007-05-15T18:15:48Z")
[QUOTE=garygnu] _Male_ dopers? [/QUOTE] From. _from_ the male dopers. :smack: Think I picked my name by mistake? ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/23 "2007-05-15T20:38:26Z")
I think that episode is from the first season of Scrubs, actually. It’s quite old. ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/24 "2007-05-15T21:29:49Z")
Several years ago, when Dharma’s friend Jane on _Dharma & Greg_ was interrupted on a vibrating easy chair, she complained, “Twenty minutes down the drain.” ---
**Author:** ![Apos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/25 "2007-05-15T21:45:15Z")
To answer your question, yes things like that can work, though of course most sensible people move on to things better designed for the specific purpose. Another popular “found” device is the water coming out of the bathtub tap. Of course, there are some women who have a condition where it can happen almost anywhere with even the most minor stimuli: a condition that, apparently, is a lot less enjoyable than it sounds. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/26 "2007-05-15T21:47:20Z")
[QUOTE=Justin\_Bailey] No no no. The best line was Darlene’s response to it all: “Trust me, he goes in that room cause it’s the only one with a lock on it, and he’s in there for like an hour at a time. Which means he’s either really, really good at it, or really, really bad at it!” [/QUOTE] DAMMIT…I wanted to quote that line. Because it is, in fact, the greatest line in the episode. Perhaps the entire series. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/27 "2007-05-15T22:01:28Z")
There was also a Drew Carey episode in which Kate kept sitting on her cellphone in vibrate mode, and calling it from another phone. ---
**Author:** ![aktep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f0a364/32.png) [@aktep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aktep)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/28 "2007-05-15T23:40:42Z")
I believe there was also an episode of Drew Carey where the guys were talking about a girl they knew from Jr High/High School/Summer Camp that they had all “experienced”, and Kate said “What is wrong with this girl? Was she too good to sit on a dryer?” ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/29 "2007-05-16T01:34:51Z")
[QUOTE=ZipperJJ] It’s network primetime tv yeah but you see a lot worse. Just on Scrubs alone there’s a good bit of cleavage, sexual innuendo.. [/QUOTE] In-_your_-endo. High five! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/30 "2007-05-16T01:44:02Z")
Donna on **That '70s Show** imagined the dryer with an uneven load to ‘finish her off’ (whereas Eric had to think of old people or something to calm himself down). Also, Charlize Theron’s character on **Arrested Development** thoroughly enjoyed the swaying, quarter-activated children’s ride in the mall. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/31 "2007-05-16T02:17:02Z")
[QUOTE=Liberal] It was also used in the movie, _Four Brothers_. (Just FYI for anyone interested.) ETA: Just saying that it’s apparently a common gag. [/QUOTE] Or just a very lucky machine. The Scott Baio of appliances… ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/32 "2007-05-16T03:00:21Z")
[QUOTE=whole bean] also makes an appeatrance in the 1988 John Candy opus _Great Outdoors_ Connie Ripley: Why don’t you go find yourself a spin cycle! [/QUOTE] It happens in _Varsity Blues_ too. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/33 "2007-05-16T12:47:37Z")
[QUOTE=Cat Fight] Donna on **That '70s Show** imagined the dryer with an uneven load to ‘finish her off’ (whereas Eric had to think of old people or something to calm himself down). Also, Charlize Theron’s character on **Arrested Development** thoroughly enjoyed the swaying, quarter-activated children’s ride in the mall. [/QUOTE] Hm. I never got that _that’s_ what was going on in **Arrested Development**. I thought it was just that she was something of a mental defective, and she enjoyed it like a little kid would. Hafta go watch that one again. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/34 "2007-05-16T12:59:38Z")
I’m reminded of a Kids in the Hall sketch. (Probably not quite how it went, but close enough.) The Chicken Lady removes a child from a mall horsey ride and turns to his mother (played by Dave Foley). \ Can I have a quarter? \ Why? \ Can I have a quarter? It’s very important. \ Why? \ I’m MASTURBATING… \ Masturbating? \ Yeah. \ You want me to lend you a quarter so you can masturbate in front of my son. \ Yeah, I’ve been doing it all day, and I’m almost finished! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/35 "2007-05-16T13:47:44Z")
[QUOTE=Tengu] [re: “Roseanne”] DAMMIT…I wanted to quote that line. Because it is, in fact, the greatest line in the episode. Perhaps the entire series. [/QUOTE] That was a good one, all right, but my favorite was when Roseanne and her neurotic sister Jackie are both meeting with a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist draws out Jackie to the point that she goes on an extended, primal-scream rant about everything that’s wrong with her childhood, adolescence, love life, relationship with Roseanne, etc. After a moment of stunned silence, Roseanne says to the psychiatrist, “You’d better call for backup.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/36 "2007-05-16T14:31:34Z")
[QUOTE=Elendil’s Heir] That was a good one, all right, but my favorite was when Roseanne and her neurotic sister Jackie are both meeting with a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist draws out Jackie to the point that she goes on an extended, primal-scream rant about everything that’s wrong with her childhood, adolescence, love life, relationship with Roseanne, etc. After a moment of stunned silence, Roseanne says to the psychiatrist, “You’d better call for backup.” 😃 [/QUOTE] No, the best line on that show belonged to Darlene and was from the aforementioned episode about DJ masturbating. “He’s going into the bathroom for hours at a time, which means he’s either really really good at it…or really really bad at it.” ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/37 "2007-05-16T14:40:02Z")
[QUOTE=Lord Ashtar] No, the best line on that show belonged to Darlene and was from the aforementioned episode about DJ masturbating. “He’s going into the bathroom for hours at a time, which means he’s either really really good at it…or really really bad at it.” [/QUOTE] Pst…look at Justin Bailey’s post that I was replying to in the post Elendil’s Heir is replying to. Still, it’s nice to have backup on that point. \>\_\> ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/38 "2007-05-16T15:39:12Z")
How can a discussion of masturbation in sitcoms proceed this far without a pro forma mention of \*The Contest \*Seinfeld episode? ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/39 "2007-05-16T17:45:23Z")
[QUOTE=Apos] Another popular “found” device is the water coming out of the bathtub tap. [/QUOTE] Come to think of it, the latest \*Scrubs \*has Elliot telling Cox she’s calling all her exes, and he says something like, “Before you dial up the pulse setting on your showerhead . . .” ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189/40 "2007-05-16T18:15:13Z")
[QUOTE=Frylock] Elliot sitting on the corner of a shaking washing machine, looking like… well… looking very passionately happy. [/QUOTE] And … how did the other people in the laundromat react to this? :: badda-bing! :: Thanks, folks, I’ll be here all week Stay away from the veal… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-just-see-elliot-masturbating-on-scrubs/404189.md?page=3)