# Did I sexually harrass this girl? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 28, 2006, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133 "2006-11-28T22:03:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/41 "2006-11-29T16:43:26Z")
[QUOTE=FormerMarineGuy] If I were to post pics of her, I am sure that I would be be past borderline sexual harrassment, and would be all the way there! Think Eva Longoria, but a slight shade darker, and about two inches taller. [/QUOTE] I know, I realize, and I’m just harping. However, it sounds RATHER harp-worthy. Rowr. ---
**Author:** ![Lama\_Pacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Lama\_Pacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lama_Pacos)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/42 "2006-11-29T17:37:48Z")
Just my opinion-- I don’t see why you had to mention it to her, especially because from hearing you retell the story I get much more of a “lecher” vibe than a “concerned citizen” one. I genuinely don’t mean that as a personal attack. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/43 "2006-11-29T17:47:21Z")
I don’t see it as harrassment. I see it as an impulse for consideration winning out over an impulse to ogle. If there’s anything you might have done better, it might have been using just a tish more tact in telling her why you gestured for her to close her sweater, but since she laughed, I doubt she felt harrassed. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/44 "2006-11-29T18:01:10Z")
[QUOTE=FormerMarineGuy] It was not too cold, it was just see-through. I could see the perfect outline, little bumps and all. [/QUOTE] Ok, that’s a little different - if the shirt was obviously seethrough, and it didn’t appear to be deliberate then asking her to close her sweater was actually a nice thing to do. And this: > [@](#): > > Actually, I would have pointed it out to one of my friends so he could take advantage of the ‘peeking of the nipple’. is the **FormerMarineGuy** that we’ve all come to know an love. Jeezo-pete - I was getting worried there - thinking you’d gone all prudish and respectable on us. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FormerMarineGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/65b543/32.png) [@FormerMarineGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FormerMarineGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/45 "2006-11-29T18:27:02Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] is the **FormerMarineGuy** that we’ve all come to know an love. Jeezo-pete - I was getting worried there - thinking you’d gone all prudish and respectable on us. 😃 [/QUOTE] Oh, no need to worry. I am still a sexual maniac. New threads and questions to come. Stay tuned. ---
**Author:** ![Synaptics](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@Synaptics](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Synaptics)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/46 "2006-11-29T18:28:38Z")
Did you sexually harrass the girl? Not in my opinion. Can you be fired for it? Absolutely because the same exact thing happened to me. I was in another department near the close of business inquiring about something to a 19 year old female (I’m a 28 year old male) and while she was sitting at her desk typing, her underwear was showing a good two or three inches outside of her pants. Since I didn’t want to stand there looking at her underwear while I talked to her, I mentioned that her underwear was showing and suggested that she might want to pull her pants up or shirt down. About two weeks later I was called into my managers office because she filed a harrassment complaint. I was dismissed that same day. I only got to tell my side of the story because I asked to give a statement before they sent me home for the day…not that it mattered. I was never privvy to the actual complaint or the results of the investigation. I was dismissed because of the complaint, “lateness issues”, and “lying to my manager.” Of course, I was never warned about lateness and was never told what I lied about. I assume that they got rid of me to avoid any potential lawsuits. I contacted an attorney and was told that since there were no witnesses and that I was an at will employee, there was nothing I could do. So it goes. Learned a valuable lesson though. You can never be too cautious or cover your ass too much. In the future, either ignore it, or mention it to someone in hr and let them deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/47 "2006-11-29T19:00:25Z")
[QUOTE=Synaptics] Did you sexually harrass the girl? Not in my opinion. Can you be fired for it? Absolutely because the same exact thing happened to me. I was in another department near the close of business inquiring about something to a 19 year old female (I’m a 28 year old male) and while she was sitting at her desk typing, her underwear was showing a good two or three inches outside of her pants. Since I didn’t want to stand there looking at her underwear while I talked to her, I mentioned that her underwear was showing and suggested that she might want to pull her pants up or shirt down. About two weeks later I was called into my managers office because she filed a harrassment complaint. I was dismissed that same day. I only got to tell my side of the story because I asked to give a statement before they sent me home for the day…not that it mattered. I was never privvy to the actual complaint or the results of the investigation. I was dismissed because of the complaint, “lateness issues”, and “lying to my manager.” Of course, I was never warned about lateness and was never told what I lied about. I assume that they got rid of me to avoid any potential lawsuits. I contacted an attorney and was told that since there were no witnesses and that I was an at will employee, there was nothing I could do. So it goes. Learned a valuable lesson though. You can never be too cautious or cover your ass too much. In the future, either ignore it, or mention it to someone in hr and let them deal with it. [/QUOTE] I was in the opposite position. Tucked in shirt, but the “gap” when I sat down. Nothing was showing…just a gap. A manager STUCK HIS HAND DOWN THE GAP! I went off on him right there, and then reported it to my boss. He didn’t do anything until I told him I was quitting. Then they “separated” the asshole from me but he didn’t lose his job. I was thrilled to know I made him cry in front of all the old military fucks they hired there. But justice was not served. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/48 "2006-11-29T19:04:17Z")
No, that wasn’t harassment. That was harboobsment. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/49 "2006-11-29T19:56:30Z")
> [@FormanMarineGuy](#): > > About ten minutes later she asked me why I did it and I explained that her “nipple was very visible”, and she laughed. She’s a flirt. Write down the incident, date it and put it in your OWN personel file and leave it be. ---
**Author:** ![Wee\_Bairn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/90db22/32.png) [@Wee\_Bairn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wee_Bairn)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/50 "2006-11-29T20:19:21Z")
No different than advising a guy who has just inadvertently emerged from the loo with his cock hanging out that he forgot to zip up. ---
**Author:** ![Wee\_Bairn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/90db22/32.png) [@Wee\_Bairn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wee_Bairn)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/51 "2006-11-29T20:30:24Z")
I fogot to add, its only sexual harassment if she thinks you are unattractive. If she thinks your hot, youre ok. ---
**Author:** ![FormerMarineGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/65b543/32.png) [@FormerMarineGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FormerMarineGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/52 "2006-11-29T20:45:06Z")
[QUOTE=enipla] She’s a flirt. Write down the incident, date it and put it in your OWN personel file and leave it be. [/QUOTE] Great idea! I can be the one who claims sexual harrassment. [QUOTE=Kalhoun] A manager STUCK HIS HAND DOWN THE GAP! [/QUOTE] I am not sure it is being in the opposite position. I put my hand nowhere! However, she has been smiling at me a lot today. What would I make of that? [QUOTE=Wee Bairn] No different than advising a guy who has just inadvertently emerged from the loo with his cock hanging out that he forgot to zip up. [/QUOTE] If I were to walk out of the bathroom with my cock hanging out, I think I would probably lose that fight and be sent home immediately. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/53 "2006-11-29T21:52:45Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] We’re headed to Godwin territory very soon. [/QUOTE] I don’t know. I’ve never really been turned on by Hitler’s nipples. However, this might be a good time to venture into band name territory. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2006, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/54 "2006-11-29T21:57:36Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] I don’t know. I’ve never really been turned on by **Hitler’s nipples**. However, this might be a good time to venture into **band name territory**. [/QUOTE] (bolding mine) We’re there (band name territory) already, man. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/55 "2006-11-30T00:09:42Z")
I don’t really have any opinion on all of this except to say that I truly sympathize with guys in the workplace these days. Women’s fashions are so skimpy, and clueless women can be truly inappropriate in the workplace; I wouldn’t want to be a guy trying to figure out if his co-worker really wants three-quarters of her breasts showing at 9:00 Monday morning or if she just forgot the top two buttons. I think my vote here would be for guys to just not say anything if the wardrobe malfunction is anything short of a boob flopping out. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/56 "2006-11-30T15:05:44Z")
I think the considerate response would have been to turn up the thermostat, encouraging her to dispense with the sweater… ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/57 "2006-11-30T15:51:06Z")
[QUOTE=Dinsdale] I think the considerate response would have been to turn up the thermostat, encouraging her to dispense with the sweater… [/QUOTE] Seeing how obviously itchy and confining her bra must have been, you’d be even more considerate to have the next meeting in a sauna. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/58 "2006-11-30T17:29:49Z")
I think it might have been a wee bit crass to mention her nipple specifically. A more tactful approach might have been “I hope your top isn’t revealing more than you wish”. But I think most women wouldn’t have been violently offended by the approach taken. ---
**Author:** ![FormerMarineGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/65b543/32.png) [@FormerMarineGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FormerMarineGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/59 "2006-11-30T17:37:37Z")
[QUOTE=BobLibDem] But I think most women wouldn’t have been violently offended by the approach taken. [/QUOTE] You think so? I was just thinking that if the outline of my penis was perfectly detailed and obvious for some reason (not just a bulge), I would not be offended if a lady said it to me: “ **FormerMarineGuy** ”, perhaps you need to adjust yourself a little bit." “I can see your penis perfectly, you might want to hide that.” ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133/60 "2006-11-30T17:47:25Z")
> [@](#): > > “I can see your penis perfectly, you might want to hide that.” That wouldn’t bother me too much. “You’ve got more than I thought you did” would. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-sexually-harrass-this-girl/382133.md?page=4)