# Did I violate some kind of date-making protocol? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 16, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-violate-some-kind-of-date-making-protocol/213480 "2003-11-16T01:06:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-violate-some-kind-of-date-making-protocol/213480/1 "2003-11-16T01:06:04Z")
I have been talking to a woman I met on the internet for the last several days, and we were supposed to meet at her place of business and go out for drinks tonight. I last talked to her Thursday night, she told me to meet me up there at 9:45, I said I’d be there. I hadn’t talked to her Friday or today, as I’d been rather busy and she was never online when I did manage to get some free time. I got back from driving a friend home at 6:30 and immediately called her to confirm our plans. She said she assumed since she hadn’t heard from me over the last couple of days that I changed my mind, and so she did not arrange to have someone cover for her tonight. I can go meet her at her work (a tattoo parlor) but she’s not going to be able to get out because she’s got a lot of work to do. Now, I know it’s important to re-confirm dates a day or so ahead of time if the date was made a week or so before, but we planned this day before yesterday. I didn’t think that would be necessary as we had already planned a time and location, but was I wrong? ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-violate-some-kind-of-date-making-protocol/213480/2 "2003-11-16T01:26:08Z")
Were you wrong? No, of course not. Plans that were made only two ago don’t need a follow-up call. A week ago, maybe. But two days? No way. She probably just used that as an excuse not to meet up with you because she got nervous and/or uneasy unexpectedly. Or maybe she is the type who has trouble saying ‘no’ to someone’s plans, and in order to get out of it, she breaks it off at a later time. ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-violate-some-kind-of-date-making-protocol/213480/3 "2003-11-16T01:41:59Z")
No, once the plans have been made, you don’t have to call except to change or cancel them, although a confirmation call is polite with a delay of over a week. Sounds like she either (a) changed her mind or (b) is really, really clingy and assumed that if you really liked her, you’d call her every day. Don’t laugh. I used to be her roommate. Trust me, you’re happier not having made it to a date. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-violate-some-kind-of-date-making-protocol/213480/4 "2003-11-16T01:42:49Z")
You were absolutely right - plans made a few days in advance do not require confirmation. More than a week, maybe, but even so if you planned a specific _time_ it would be rude to cancel upon not hearing from you if you hadn’t necessarily _said_ you’d call to confirm.