# Did I waste a good amount of time by being a virgin? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 29, 2015, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822 "2015-06-29T22:58:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/21 "2015-06-30T04:04:46Z")
> [@marcdrydock](#): > > Trying to rationalize my 3.86 GPA as a reason why I’d be better off when in actuality I was socially stunted and chronically depressed with a heavy dose of suicidal ideation. Well, they say that if there’s one thing a depressed person is NOT, it’s fun to be with. By your own self-descriptions here, your lack of relationships would seem to be just one symptom of a deeper problem. You need to be working on that. We had a thread here not long ago, asking the question: How old a virgin would you say is too old? Or something like that, I forget the exact wording. The “conventional wisdom” is somewhat as our OP fears, that once you reach a certain (not too old) age, nobody is going to want to be your “teacher”. They want their lovers already trained and experienced! IIRC, a great many of the respondents in that thread seemed to confirm that conventional wisdom. Hang tight, I’ll see if I can dredge up a link to that thread. OP, you might not like it. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/22 "2015-06-30T04:14:20Z")
Earlier threads that our OP might want to read. Or maybe not: [How old is too old to still be a virgin](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=573483) (Lot of responses didn’t take this OP’s question very seriously.) [Would you date a 40-year-old virgin man?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=737464) (Poll results: 47% Yes, 39% No, approx.) [Men: Would You Date a 40 Year Old Virgin Woman?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=737639) (62% Yes, 25% No, 12% No but I’d have casual sex with). ---
**Author:** ![Nema98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d2c977/32.png) [@Nema98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nema98)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/23 "2015-06-30T04:18:08Z")
I guess this thread I started a week ago must of spurred many virgins to seek advice on the SDMB. > **[Any Known Negative Effects Due to Life Time of NO Sexual Contact?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=760354)** > > I know it is certainly possible for humans to live out their lives without romantic, sexual contact. We see this with most priests, nuns and monks. People spend decades incarcerated in prison without sexual contact and they live on. There are people... ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/24 "2015-06-30T05:10:45Z")
> [@Nema98](#): > > I guess this thread I started a week ago must of spurred many virgins to seek advice on the SDMB. They must all be naive newer members here. In case you hadn’t noticed, this board, supposedly enlightened and liberal, is much more like a representative cross-section of our overall society than most of us here care to admit. And, just like in the outside world – much worse, in fact – this board, overall, is horrendously hostile to threads like that. Did you notice? (With rare exceptions. One such thread in just the last week became so hostile that the mods found it necessary to disappear the entire thread. Another one seemed to be rather more benign that usual, although I snarked in that thread about how nasty these threads always get before I had actually read much of that thread.) ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/25 "2015-06-30T06:52:44Z")
When I started out, I thought that relationships (of any kind) were good as long as you didn’t hurt anybody. It never occurred to me that I might be the one who got hurt. One of the things you’ve missed out on is being bruised and toughened up. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/26 "2015-06-30T11:23:12Z")
So June is officially ‘virgin’ month now? Fitting I suppose. Nothing exciting every happens in June. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/27 "2015-06-30T11:32:15Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > They must all be naive newer members here. In case you hadn’t noticed, this board, supposedly enlightened and liberal, is much more like a representative cross-section of our overall society than most of us here care to admit. And, just like in the outside world – much worse, in fact – this board, overall, is horrendously hostile to threads like that. Did you notice? > > (With rare exceptions. One such thread in just the last week became so hostile that the mods found it necessary to disappear the entire thread. Another one seemed to be rather more benign that usual, although I snarked in that thread about how nasty these threads always get before I had actually read much of that thread.) Stop defending every “virgin” who posts a thread. Some of them don’t need defending. That guy from last week was obnoxious. I only wish that thread was still open so we could delve deeper into his bitter mindset. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/28 "2015-06-30T12:52:25Z")
I happen to know with 100% certainty that lack of experience with other people is no barrier to developing a thoroughly satisfying sexual relationship with one person. > [@marcdrydock](#): > > …the years of experimentation are over. The years of experimentation haven’t even started yet. > [@](#): > > Now if I ever get into a relationship, the girl will probably be disappointed at my lack of experience. In addition, I feel as if I am way far behind my peers and that I won’t catch up. The only experience you need is experience with that person. And the process of figuring out what I like from you/what you like from me is rather delightful. You’re over-thinking this. The kind of women you want a relationship with won’t care if they are your first or your tenth. And believe me - it isn’t that difficult to figure out, once you get going. Regards, Shodan PS - you know all those guys who told you they got laid five times a week with twenty different women? They were lying. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/29 "2015-06-30T13:38:44Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > They must all be naive newer members here. In case you hadn’t noticed, this board, supposedly enlightened and liberal, is much more like a representative cross-section of our overall society than most of us here care to admit. And, just like in the outside world – much worse, in fact – this board, overall, is horrendously hostile to threads like that. Did you notice?.. Yes. But to be fair I think the animosity has less to do with the situation described by the OP and more to do with the discovery or suspicion that the op may be trolling. “Dear Abby” type requests on a message board may be a genuine request or they may be bait. So you might do better to warn the OP that the responses from the teeming millions will range from helpful to derisive. Admonishing those of us who disbelieve the OP accomplishes very little. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/30 "2015-06-30T13:56:03Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > You’ve probably wasted time, but why worry about the past? It isn’t too late or anything. You’re just wasting more time pondering this. This. If you’ve fixed (or significantly improved) the far more serious issues you mentioned, you can start dating now. At 24 you can date younger women, you know. But even younger women are mostly looking to make an emotional connection, and not just screw. And you might enjoy that aspect, too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/31 "2015-06-30T14:50:26Z")
You haven’t wasted your time at all. I was just a little younger than you my first time and I’ve had plenty of good times with different mostly long-term women partners, especially in my 20s and early 30s but in my 40s I still get regular action. Main thing is treat people right and don’t get upset over small stuff. Even if plans don’t work out today keep the door open because tomorrow or even next week isn’t that far away. Always have something to look forward to. Be a nice guy, be positive and in a good mood, and be a little flirty. If someone likes you they will flirt back. If not, no harm done. Maybe at 24 you’re a little older and wiser and not as likely to get a girl pregnant. Even if she says she is on birth control, use a condom, both for birth control and disease prevention. And yes, don’t waste any more time worry about…wasting time. That will get you nowhere. Go take classes, go on hikes, work somewhere with lots of people your age, take positive steps to be around datable people. ---
**Author:** ![Steken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Steken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steken)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/32 "2015-06-30T15:23:48Z")
Yes, no - doesn’t matter. It’s in the past. Dwelling on it won’t lead to anything good. Now: Do you want to get laid? If so - go out there and try to make it happen. Preferably, like, _now_ - today - this very evening. Unlike dwelling on the past, that _might_ at least lead to something good, and fun, and very enjoyable indeed. ---
**Author:** ![marcdrydock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@marcdrydock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marcdrydock)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/33 "2015-06-30T16:01:22Z")
I am sorry that I apparently added another topic to the discussion of being a virgin. I was really unaware that this topic had been posted many times before. Apparently this is symptomatic of a large issue in society of young men failing to be able to develop the skills to actively court women in a natural manner. Why that is? I have no clue. I have been doing massive self-improvement and self-development over the past few months. I see this as an opportunity to push myself and expand. If I was extremely good looking and easily lost my virginity at 16, I would not appreciate the character building potential that something like this has. I have to improve myself in ways that peers didn’t. I was also able to come out ahead of most of my peers. A lot of them find themselves lost and afraid in life because they were focusing on the wrong things. I knew what I wanted early on and I was able to hone in on it like a heat-seeking missile. I had a burning desire to become what I wanted to be. I still have that burning desire to be the best I can possibly be mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I didn’t just stagnate after college like a lot of people. I keep going, I keep pushing. That’s all I have to do. Those years are done. I must prepare for the future and look ahead. So when opportunity knocks, I can answer the call. ---
**Author:** ![marcdrydock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@marcdrydock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marcdrydock)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/34 "2015-06-30T16:02:42Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > You haven’t wasted your time at all. I was just a little younger than you my first time and I’ve had plenty of good times with different mostly long-term women partners, especially in my 20s and early 30s but in my 40s I still get regular action. Main thing is treat people right and don’t get upset over small stuff. Even if plans don’t work out today keep the door open because tomorrow or even next week isn’t that far away. Always have something to look forward to. > > Be a nice guy, be positive and in a good mood, and be a little flirty. If someone likes you they will flirt back. If not, no harm done. > > Maybe at 24 you’re a little older and wiser and not as likely to get a girl pregnant. Even if she says she is on birth control, use a condom, both for birth control and disease prevention. > > And yes, don’t waste any more time worry about…wasting time. That will get you nowhere. Go take classes, go on hikes, work somewhere with lots of people your age, take positive steps to be around datable people. Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/35 "2015-06-30T16:27:17Z")
> [@marcdrydock](#): > > I have been doing massive self-improvement and self-development over the past few months. I see this as an opportunity to push myself and expand. If I was extremely good looking and easily lost my virginity at 16, I would not appreciate the character building potential that something like this has. I have to improve myself in ways that peers didn’t. I was also able to come out ahead of most of my peers. A lot of them find themselves lost and afraid in life because they were focusing on the wrong things. > > I knew what I wanted early on and I was able to hone in on it like a heat-seeking missile. I had a burning desire to become what I wanted to be. I still have that burning desire to be the best I can possibly be mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I didn’t just stagnate after college like a lot of people. I keep going, I keep pushing. > > That’s all I have to do. Those years are done. I must prepare for the future and look ahead. So when opportunity knocks, I can answer the call. Now we [HUM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YCHmOAbJBs). ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/36 "2015-06-30T16:35:33Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > They must all be naive newer members here. In case you hadn’t noticed, this board, supposedly enlightened and liberal, is much more like a representative cross-section of our overall society than most of us here care to admit. And, just like in the outside world – much worse, in fact – this board, overall, is horrendously hostile to threads like that. Did you notice? Because many of us suspect they’re sock trolls. > [@Senegoid](#): > > (With rare exceptions. One such thread in just the last week **became so hostile that the mods found it necessary to disappear the entire thread**. Another one seemed to be rather more benign that usual, although I snarked in that thread about how nasty these threads always get before I had actually read much of that thread.) Bolding mine. It’s against the rules here to “FTFY” a quote, so I’ll just say that when the mods disappear a thread, it usually isn’t because it got hostile; it’s because the mods realized the OP was a sock. ---
**Author:** ![marcdrydock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@marcdrydock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marcdrydock)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/37 "2015-07-01T00:47:35Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > You haven’t wasted your time at all. I was just a little younger than you my first time and I’ve had plenty of good times with different mostly long-term women partners, especially in my 20s and early 30s but in my 40s I still get regular action. Main thing is treat people right and don’t get upset over small stuff. Even if plans don’t work out today keep the door open because tomorrow or even next week isn’t that far away. Always have something to look forward to. > > Be a nice guy, be positive and in a good mood, and be a little flirty. If someone likes you they will flirt back. If not, no harm done. > > Maybe at 24 you’re a little older and wiser and not as likely to get a girl pregnant. Even if she says she is on birth control, use a condom, both for birth control and disease prevention. > > And yes, don’t waste any more time worry about…wasting time. That will get you nowhere. Go take classes, go on hikes, work somewhere with lots of people your age, take positive steps to be around datable people. To me, not using a condom is like not wearing a seat belt. But I’m a virgin so what do I know. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/38 "2015-07-01T15:31:11Z")
> [@marcdrydock](#): > > To me, not using a condom is like not wearing a seat belt. > > But I’m a virgin so what do I know. Only analogous if the seat belt masks 90% of the sensation of driving. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/39 "2015-07-01T18:31:14Z")
You do realize that no one is going to force you to disclose your virginity status? And by the time they realize why you are so bad at sex, it will be too late since you won’t be a virgin anymore! But yeah. I don’t know what you were doing for the past decade, but I’m going to say “yes”, you probably did waste a good amount of time whatever it was. I feel like there are a lot of “older virgins” these days compared to when I was in my 20s (20 years ago). Probably because 20 years ago, being an anti-social nerd was a pretty lonely and boring life. I suspect that a lot of people grew out of that phase more quickly because the alternative was to just sit at home watching crappy TV. Now with the internet and other tech, introverted nerds have so much crap to entertain themselves with I can see someone waking up at 30 only to realize they spent their entire young adulthood watching anime, playing online roll-playing games and downloading internet porn when. What they should have been doing is getting used to mastering the uncomfortable social activities where they would be developing the skills they would need to meet someone to get it on with. ---
**Author:** ![racepug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@racepug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racepug)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822/40 "2015-07-01T18:56:09Z")
> [@marcdrydock](#): > > Hello all, > > I’m turning 24 in 3 months. I realize that a lot of my peers have been sexually active. I was often envious and jealous of them in college. I eventually learned to let that go, however. > > I realize that there are some or many women out there who do not want a virgin man for various reasons. That is also fine. > > It seems like fun when everyone talks about it and such. That was the main source of my envy. I felt as if I was less than human because I did not have sex. > > I am asking this question because I am wondering if it is even worth it to become sexually active. I know that women in my age group are approaching the age where they want more than just a hookup or anything like that. > > I guess I’m more sad that I threw away a good amount of years not being sexually active with girls when they were the easiest to be with and the fact that the years of experimentation are over. > > Now if I ever get into a relationship, the girl will probably be disappointed at my lack of experience. In addition, I feel as if I am way far behind my peers and that I won’t catch up. I can only imagine getting into that place with a girl and having to admit it. > > If you’re wondering, the reason I’m still a virgin at this age is a devastating mix of low self-esteem, low self-confidence, self-loathing, anxiety, on and off depression, lack of self-belief, and going to an all boys’ school. Most of these problems are largely ameliorated but I figure its too late. > Should I feel this way or no? If so, why or why not? > > Thanks in advance. I didn’t lose my virginity until after I’d turned 24, either. At the time I was sure that I was missing out on something so there’s that. On the _other_ hand I feel like potential unwanted pregnancies were avoided by me _not_ being sexually active at a younger age so that’s how I choose to look at it (granted, I’ve had PLENTY of time. “24 years old” was quite a while ago for me, now). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/did-i-waste-a-good-amount-of-time-by-being-a-virgin/723822.md?page=3)